6 products that would never sell in the US

By Kate Sedgwick On March 18, 2009 · 29 Comments

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The following products were found in Buenos Aires and inspired a joy in me I find difficult to describe.

Barfy Hamburgers in a Flow Pack

Dismay cookie

Maybe after dining on your Barfy burgers, you’re ready for some dessert. How about a Dismay cookie?

Penetrit Lubricant

This lubricant says it’s multi-use, but as far as I can tell, a lubricant called Penetrit has only one use.

Polyana Deodorant

If you didn’t get that last one, maybe it’s time you had a Polyana Moment. Teen Spirit has nothing on this deodorant.

Ades

This juice might not share the same success in the U.S. as it does here. Drink Ades, crap lightning!

The Bichy

La Bichy Ahora or “The Bichy Now.” I imagine it best helps the drinker live up to its name when mixed with tequila or gin.

All Photos by Kate Sedgwick

About The Author

Kate Sedgwick

Kate Sedgwick edits Matador Nights from Buenos Aires where she organizes her live storytelling project, Second Story, and stays busy giving art tours and doing yoga. Read more about her than you might want to know at her blog YesThereIsSuchAThingAsAStupidQuestion.com.

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Rob

On the flip side, I distinctly remember a candy bar in Chile called "Chocolatits". That one might fare a little better in US sales than these products!
Sarah_Menkedick

Love the dismay cookie! I can think of many situations in which I'd like to lean subtly over to someone and ask, "Would you like a dismay cookie?"
Heidi Baggott

Oh how I wish they sold La Bichy Ahora near me. I would be sure to drink it as a way to warn others it may not be a good time to bother me. Buying this for someone would also be a good way to clue them in that they may need an attitude adjustment.
http://matadortravel.com/travel-community/k-crimini Kate

But, Heidi – when you’re in a bad mood dragging around that heavy ass two liter is not going to make you feel any better!
http://www.bearshapedsphere.blogspot.com eileen

Liked the article. Here in the next country over (look, I’m waving) in Chile, we have a soda called Pap. I am not making this up. And yes, Rob, thought I haven’t seen Chocalatits in a long time, I remember it as well. And I recently bought some gum, the small print on which said “sandía bites” (watermelon bites).
angel4u

I have friends from Brasil who cracked up when they saw a candy bar in the US called “PayDay” cause that means something like crap over there.
Robert Keddy

I have all those beat. Here in Nicaragua we have a toilet bowl deodorizer puck called “Terror”.

http://matadornights.com/ Kate

For god’s sake, man! Send a picture!

http://www.casasilas.com Rob Keddy

You can check it out here Kate
http://www.nicaliving.com/image/view/13381/_original

http://matadornights.com Kate

I don’t have viewing privileges. Phooey.

http://www.casasilas.com Rob Keddy

Here’s an accessible link… http://casasilasbb.posterous.com/

Dave

I was strolling around the local supermarket, near my place in Bangkok, when I stumbled upon a multi-purpose insecticide named, ‘ARS liquid’. It made my shopping trip.
http://www.bearshapedsphere.blogspot.com eileen

I still wish I’d bought the mold fighting “anti-mofo” when I was in Sao Paulo. Hey! that stuff could really come in handy!
http://www.dismay.com.ar matias dieguez

la fabrica se encuentra situada en buenos aires, argentina, y en nuestro pais dismay no es una ofensa a la poblacion igualmente lo que publican en este blog para mi entender es basura ya que mis productos son lideres en el mercado gastronomico de buenos aires.
saludo a la gente ignorante y deberian informarse e pedir perdon por esta ofensa. ademas del uso ilegal de las fotografias de nuestros productso sin previo aviso a nuestra compañia dejando asi en ridiculo afectando moral y economicamente a nuestra empresa.

http://matadornights.com Kate

Dismay en ingles significa consternación.

Cada cultura tiene su propio leyes, pero no hay una cultura en que es un crimen sacar un foto de algo que Ud. Compra a si misma.

No dije nada de los galletas, solo que tiene un nombre chistoso – en ingles. Igual, la palabra “barf” en ingles significa “vomito” pero cocine los haburguesas para mi novio igual.

Dismay galletas son bastante bien – es el nombre que es chistoso. Si Ud. no entiende el articulo, ni la palabra que use para su producto, no entiendo porque no pide al menos que alguien traduzce el articulo antes que dejar un comentartio absurdo asi!

Que no tengas dismay en su vida.

Chau.

marryam

Forget individual products: the pharma company Wellcome Burroughs had to change their name when they entered Brazil. Burro is a donkey, and none of Wellcome’s employees enjoyed telling people where they worked!
http://www.natashayoung.wordpress.com Natasha

In Pucon, Chile, there’s a supermarket called ‘Tit’. It’s quite a small shop but there’s a bigger one just outside town…. It’s known locally, yes you’ve guessed it, as ‘the big tit’.

Childishly, I never stopped finding it funny the whole time I was there.

Loving the Argentinean biscuit pride btw.
Ernest Payne

Don’t forget you can buy Homo Milk in Canada. For sure they will NEVER sell that in the uptight US.

http://www.expatheather.com Heather Carreiro

Short for homogenized….or something else?

http://www.nicoleponton.com Nicole

I spent some time in Buenos Aires and got a kick out of their products… Have you seen “Assy”? There’s tons of Assy there, which is supposed to be a lice treatment product. All I know is that no matter what’s going on in my hair, I probably wouldn’t be considering washing my hair with the scent of Assy.
David

I laughed out loud seeing some of these products! I would totally have a glass of “Bichy” any day.
donna morang

These are all so fun. In Mexico the bread company is BIMBO..for all of us girls that are one!
Hey Kate–my maiden name was also Sedgwick, there are many of us in Montana.
Regina B

Saw this on an an in-flight ad
http://www.thejasper.com/Engrish/Engrish02/Pocari01.gif

Heather Carreiro

Ha!

Juliana

A saw a clothes store once in Rosario, Argentina (I’m from Buenos Aires) and its name was “Pussy”. Oh, God.
http://twitter.com/kephsenett Keph Senett

How is it that I just discovered this post? I was in Buenos Aires to play in an LGBT soccer (football) tournament in 2007 and was… enchanted to find one of their main sporting brands is “Topper”. (Don’t know what I’m on about? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom_and_versatile#Top) I bought a pair of socks that have been reserved for every finals game since.
http://twitter.com/kephsenett Keph Senett

How is it that I just discovered this post? I was in Buenos Aires to play in an LGBT soccer (football) tournament in 2007 and was… enchanted to find one of their main sporting brands is “Topper”. (Don’t know what I’m on about? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom_and_versatile#Top) I bought a pair of socks that have been reserved for every finals game since.
http://twitter.com/kephsenett Keph Senett

How is it that I just discovered this post? I was in Buenos Aires to play in an LGBT soccer (football) tournament in 2007 and was… enchanted to find one of their main sporting brands is “Topper”. (Don’t know what I’m on about? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom_and_versatile#Top) I bought a pair of socks that have been reserved for every finals game since.
JGS

I have something to add to the list. There’s a brand of black licorice in Germany called Spunk with an accidentally sperm-shaped man on the front.

6 products that would never sell in the US

Barfy Hamburgers in a Flow Pack

Dismay cookie

Penetrit Lubricant

Polyana Deodorant

Ades

The Bichy

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Kate Sedgwick

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