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Call us sore losers.

So, we have a history of rioting. You’re all thinking of losing the cup to Boston in 2011, when cars were flipped and lit aflame, and the downtown core looked like a scene from The Walking Dead. There were also incidents in 1972, 1994, and 2002. You know what? Inside scoop: Being the polite Canadian all the time is hard. And sometimes you just need to fuck some shit up.

Two points. #1, the majority of people involved came in from the suburban cities around Vancouver. They weren’t flipping their own cars or messing up their own city because they’re not from Vancouver (see below). They all got escorted back to their outlying municipalities, while most of us who live here looked out our windows and thought “…wtf?” Which leads me to #2, what didn’t make many papers was the 5,000+ people — people who actually live here — who turned up the next day, brooms in hand, to clean up the city and scrawl hopeful messages on the boarded-up windows. Now that’s Vancouver.

Call us bad hockey fans.

Ok, listen. When the Canucks let us down, we let them know. Some call it “bitter” or “flip-flopping” or ” shallow.” It’s a love-hate relationship. Much like real relationships, not only is every single one different — thereby playing by different rules and different values — but like other relationships in your life, if you’re not in it, it’s none of your business. You deal with your hockey team, and let us deal with ours.

Refer to yourself as a ‘hipster’ OR make fun of ‘hipsters’ when you are one.

Referring to yourself or identifying yourself as a hipster is the ultimate way to reveal that you are in no way a hipster, but a poser. Equally annoying is making of fun of, or complaining about, hipsters while looking, acting, dressing, and whining just like one.

Not annoying: real artists, musicians, and change-makers, donning used clothing out of budget necessities (often in a fashionable way since, well, they are creative thinkers), and consuming Pabst Blue Ribbon because it’s cheap.

Annoying: rich kids moving to basements around the city and dressing like they’re homeless to be ironic OR paying top dollar for “vintage” clothes (which is ironic, in an annoying way), and drinking PBR because it’s cool.

Point out that it rains a lot.

Photo: electro8

Thanks. We didn’t notice. Nobody moves here for the rain. We move here (or stay here) for a million other awesome reasons. Side effects of rain include: proximity to an ocean, a mild climate, year-round greenery, snow-capped mountains, and lush, dense, ancient rainforests. Wow, that does sound pretty awful. Let’s all leave. But…you go first. Don’t worry, we’ll be right behind you.

Ignore umbrella etiquette.

Umbrella etiquette comprises the following:

  1. Use a regular-sized umbrella. Pretty simple.
  2. When two (or two hundred) umbrellas are passing, the taller person should raise to make room for the smaller or shorter person.
  3. Do not take up room in a covered area if you have an umbrella.
  4. Be aware of your surroundings, do not hit others due to limited visibility, and while open and closing avoid taking out someone’s eye.
  5. Do not shake your umbrella off onto other people.
  6. When exiting a building or transit, or any doorway, do not stand in the door fumbling with your umbrella. It makes people behind want to put their umbrellas through your chest. Step into the rain for a split second and keep moving.
  7. While waiting at a crosswalk, offer shelter to the poor soul next to you, if just for a moment.
  8. NEVER place your wet umbrella on the seat next to you. That shit goes on the floor.

So to all who decide to tote an extra-large golf umbrella, charge down the street smacking people in the face with it while staring at your iPhone, shake it off in close proximity to others, and/or allow it to burst open in a small space (worst: on a bus) thus soaking all nearby — cut it out. And buy a fucking rain jacket already.

Ask us if we like ‘BC Bud.’

Nobody doesn’t like marijuana grown in this region. It’s potent and often organic if you have the right connections. It’s probably the best in the world. So yes, we like it. What we don’t like is people calling it ‘BC Bud.’ It’s called pot. Just pot. Also if you smoke it, smoke it in the province. We take no responsibility for you taking our pot somewhere you’re not allowed to smoke it.

And FYI, no, we don’t ALL smoke it. It’s decriminalized, not legalized (yet). More than that, actually, we’re just a healthy city and there’s more than enough people who simply refuse to inhale smoke, of any variety.

Smoke or litter in public.

We will stare judgmentally for as long as it takes for you to put out the cigarette and/or pick up that piece of trash. We’re an extremely healthy and eco-friendly city that doesn’t take kindly to open acts of either.

Say Nickelback is from Vancouver.

They’re not. Because they suck. And also because they’re from Alberta. Vancouver has a healthy and thriving indie music scene, though, helping put that “Pacific Northwest Sound” on the map, along with Seattle and Portland.

Ask us if we if do yoga.

Because the answer is yes. Or if not yoga, probably something else trendy. With such an enormous amount of outdoor activities waiting for us, and so many mild-to-warm months in which to do them (yes, sometimes in the rain), we gotta be in tip-top shape.

Complain about: the beaches, the traffic, the expense.

Listen, if you want your beaches with soft white sand and cliche turquoise waters, we ain’t stopping you from boarding the next flight out of here. However, if you’d like a dose of soaring mountains or a view of a hundred islands in the fading sun, then get a thicker towel, lie down on some pebbles, and shut up about it.

As for traffic, we admit, the traffic sucks. But it sucks for a reason. Did you know Vancouver has won awards for planning a city without a highway through it? So you’re not allowed to stroll through our stunning and highly walkable downtown peninsula and then complain about the traffic. You can’t have it both ways.

And yes, it’s an expensive city. But that’s like complaining too many people hit on your spouse because they’re so hot. It’s a gorgeous city in a beautiful setting with top-notch bars and restaurants, a thriving arts scene, and more. Guess what’s driving the cost? People, moving here, at any cost, because it’s so awesome. It’s a vicious cycle. Would you prefer it be less awesome? We wouldn’t.

Be a douchebag on a bike.

Actually, we don’t mean tourists here. In this one case, tourists actually get nervous of the traffic, as per above, and tend to stay in or very close to Stanley Park and the Seawall, inside their marked lanes, all neat and tidy. While they may look incredibly foolish on a tandem or triple bicycle, at the very least, they are out of our way.

However, back in the real city, a solution to all the traffic has been to introduce, and promote the use of, wide city bike lanes. We’ve given up entire lanes so that cyclists can have a neon-green safe zone to bike along. And what do many do in return? Swerve through traffic as they please, forgo hand signals, flip you off if you so much as move an inch while they do it.

Oh, and if you’re a hipster cyclist, that’s even worse: draped in plaid and lacking a helmet, on a single-speed vintage bike, with one hand and both eyes on their smart phone probably instagraming their bike basket — literally cruising through life with not an ounce of concern for anything around them.

Rollerblade the Seawall when you don’t know how to do it.

The ’90s are alive and well in Vancouver, and nowhere is this more obvious than when beautiful people don neon rollerblades and cruise along the Seawall, kneepads and all. Those people aren’t annoying, per se, so long as they’re good at it. But it’s the tourists, the tourists who decided today — today of all days — will be the day they learn to rollerblade so as to partake in this city’s (now retro) tradition.

The result is tourists on wheels rolling into everyone and everything, hunched over in fear, with no idea how to stop, wreaking havoc on a path that drops precariously into the ocean or onto jagged rocks at many bends. If you don’t know how, do NOT start here. End of story.

Call it ‘No-Fun Couver.’

We hear a lot that our nightlife sucks. You know what sucks? People going out with the attitude that the nightlife sucks. Or people who refuse to take the extra nine seconds it takes to google something more specific than “vancouver nightlife.” If you’re not going to do a little digging, or (god forbid) ask a local, or check out sites like www.vancouverisawesome.com, then stay home. You’ll miss out on underground pubs, standing-room-only micro and nano breweries, cask nights, indie music, whiskey tasting, hipster dance parties, poutine at 2am, and other secrets of the night.

Is it a raging European rave? No. Is it an uber-exclusive New York invite-only hot-list thing? Nope. Is it a place for “after hour” bars that open at 8am until lunch, a la Buenos Aires? Nada. But the bottom line is that if you think the nightlife sucks, it’s your own fault.

Say you’re ‘from Vancouver’ when you’re not.

Moving here, buying some Lululemon pants, and getting seen at 49th Parallel does not a Vancouverite make. We see hoards of people stroll in every year, stay for a few years, and then return to wherever they’re really from. Until you’re willing to stop complaining about the rising cost of living, low pay, and (especially) the rain, and begin to invest time and effort into city solutions for fewer cars, more bikes, less homelessness, more low-income homes, fewer condos and more gardens, affordable education and healthcare, and other issues surrounding living in Vancouver permanently, then you’re just visiting.

Call us snobs.

Well, based on the above we can see how this is true. Okay, it is true. We’re beautiful people living in a beautiful city. We have impeccable taste and high standards. So sue us.

Say the people are mean.

Probably because you just spent 10 minutes busting out all of the above stereotypes and we’re late for yoga on the beach.

How to piss off...


 

About The Author

Kate Siobhan Mulligan

Kate Siobhan Mulligan is a Vancouver-Based writer, photographer, seeker of social justice, Beatles expert, coffee snob, and trophy wife. She also operates and travels with The Giving Lens, blending photography with humanitarian aid. In her spare time she enjoys surfing, craft beer, more coffee, and her husband. (And, for the record, it's Gaelic and it's pronounced "Sha-Vaughn")

  • Marcos Cristoforo Mercer

    OK that was some of the best hometown snark I’ve read in a long time. And I’m originally from Boston, so grew up with it. Along with Red Sox angst.

    Re: neon wheeled inline skater newbies who don’t know how to stop: Better in Stanley park on the path, than up in Whistler on a trail. Except when I visit Vancouver and am taking a leisurely walk in Stanley Park. Then they should go do summer skiing on the glacier.

    Damn, you’re making me miss that year and a half I tried living in the PNW. Despite discovering that after day 12 of a Pineapple Express I was ready to flip over cars.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha thanks Marcos! Yeah you’re totally right about new skiers/boarders, they’re like heat-seeking missles. But I figured that was a world-wide issue, whereas rollerbladers are uniquely a vancouver problem :)

      Come on back to the PNW and flip some cars already!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha thanks Marcos! Yeah you’re totally right about new skiers/boarders, they’re like heat-seeking missles. But I figured that was a world-wide issue, whereas rollerbladers are uniquely a vancouver problem :)

      Come on back to the PNW and flip some cars already!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha thanks Marcos! Yeah you’re totally right about new skiers/boarders, they’re like heat-seeking missles. But I figured that was a world-wide issue, whereas rollerbladers are uniquely a vancouver problem :)

      Come on back to the PNW and flip some cars already!

  • Deanna Proach

    I live in Sechelt, about an hour north of Vancouver, but I’ve been to Vancouver enough to know exactly what you’re talking about.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      RIght on Deanna :) Glad to hear it.

    • Jordan Oram

      Kate Siobhan Havercroft and yes, of course I went to High School with Deanna ^^ lol

  • Kristi Fuoco

    So ridiculously spot on. I am a fellow Vancouverite (though currently living in another rainy city, Hamburg) and couldn’t have said it better myself!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      glad to hear it Kristi!

  • Kristi Fuoco

    By the way you might enjoy this post I wrote about Vancouver right before leaving for Germany: http://kristifuoco.blogspot.de/2012/02/top-10-things-i-will-not-miss-about.html.

  • Robin White

    I’ve literally never wanted to go to a place less than I now want to go to Vancouver. I’d go to Mordor over Vancouver. I’d spend a week in Karl Rove’s underwear.

    But I’m going to go there anyway, I’m going to get some roller blades, paint the word ‘Hipster, yo?’ on them and then I’m going to skate around your house, all day. Really ineptly.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Specifically my house? That actually sounds pretty awesome. Except only millionaires have houses here. I live in an apartment. still, I shall stand on my porch and yell “YOLO” each time you pass by.

      Also now I kind of want to own a shirt that says “Hipster, Yo.”

    • Robin White

      I’ll get you the shirt if after I’m done crashing into shit outside your apartment, I get to crash on the couch for at least as long as it takes for my concussion to pass.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      BUT free health care means you can recuperate at a cozy hospital so I’ll probably just dump you out there … BUT canadian hospitality dictates that I leave you with a six-pack so it’s not all bad.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      BUT free health care means you can recuperate at a cozy hospital so I’ll probably just dump you out there … BUT canadian hospitality dictates that I leave you with a six-pack so it’s not all bad.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      BUT free health care means you can recuperate at a cozy hospital so I’ll probably just dump you out there … BUT canadian hospitality dictates that I leave you with a six-pack so it’s not all bad.

    • Gordon Purchase

      My only complaint since moving to Vancouver (no not the rain at all) is the “free health care” where in most provinces you’re born and given a Health Card, that you keep… for “free”. Unlike BC in which I pay over $60 PER MONTH to enjoy my “free” health care

    • Carlo Alcos

      Gordon, You obviously make too much money. Get your salary down to around 20K and bam! you’re laughing.

    • Gordon Purchase

      laughing… all the way to the downtown east side

    • Brett Rostrup

      ^^^ free health care??? You mean subsidized health care.

    • Brett Rostrup

      ^^^ free health care??? You mean subsidized health care.

    • Robbie Yang

      I almost feel insulted til I read how you’d rather simply walk into Mordor.

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

    • Cam Iverson

      Feel free to visit our fine city and do try to discover all it offers. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friendly folks that are happy to help, give you tips on where to visit and pass on some of our secrets as well. We’re proud to live in a beautiful and unique city and sometimes people are a little prideful, overzealous and protective of any criticism.I’ve lived on skates and rollerblades most of my and happy to give you a lesson before you troll the writer’s apartment

  • Christina Newberry Writing and Editing

    Finally, someone has written down the unwritten rules about umbrellas! Seriously, though, do real Vancouverites even bother with umbrellas? Isn’t that what Goretex is for?

  • Christina Newberry Writing and Editing

    Finally, someone has written down the unwritten rules about umbrellas! Seriously, though, do real Vancouverites even bother with umbrellas? Isn’t that what Goretex is for?

  • Christina Newberry Writing and Editing

    Finally, someone has written down the unwritten rules about umbrellas! Seriously, though, do real Vancouverites even bother with umbrellas? Isn’t that what Goretex is for?

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Given how logical and obvious they are, you’d like to think humanity can kind of just assume these things. But they don’t/can’t/won’t. I hate umbrellas. Oddly, I didn’t even own a rain jacket until this year. And i’ve lived here my whole life. I just pulled up my hoodie and got wet. But now I’ve found gortex and I won’t look back.

    • Gemma Donn

      Yeah we do raincoats aren’t good enough by themselves…

    • W Irene Thanh

      Kate Siobhan Havercroft : It entirely depends on how much you want to spend on bags and such with good waterproofing for laptops, etc. as well, if deciding to forgo the umbrellas…

  • Jules Torti

    You omitted the sure-fire way to piss off a Vancouverite: the default conversation everyone eventually has in regards to Vancouver vs. Toronto–aka. “Centre of the Universe.” (I’m still pro-Toronto, but, you can’t match the bald eagle fly-bys and Wreck Beach).

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      haha well that’s totally true Jules – but I didn’t want to exclude folks who aren’t in the loop on Canadian rivalries. Also at some point it needed a cap, or this piece would have become a series :) But you’re totally right. Hm also … I married a torontoian — the ultimate sin! My poor parents… :)

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      haha well that’s totally true Jules – but I didn’t want to exclude folks who aren’t in the loop on Canadian rivalries. Also at some point it needed a cap, or this piece would have become a series :) But you’re totally right. Hm also … I married a torontoian — the ultimate sin! My poor parents… :)

  • Jordan Oram

    BAHAHAHAHA! Oh man… so good. SO very very good.

    Kate, don’t ever go changing ;) My smile muscles hurt. And you are so spot on with so much of this. Have you heard my ferry rant yet? LOL

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      thanks man! i’m glad your smile muscles hurt. And I want to hear your ferry rant. Over a beer. or seven.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      thanks man! i’m glad your smile muscles hurt. And I want to hear your ferry rant. Over a beer. or seven.

    • Jordan Oram

      You know that’s going on the ‘to do’ list. I have a rain rant as well, but you touched upon many of those aspects ;)

  • Tom Wieler

    “begin to invest time and effort into city solutions for fewer cars, more bikes, less homelessness, more low-income homes, fewer condos and more gardens, affordable education and healthcare, and other issues surrounding living in Vancouver permanently, then you’re just visiting.”
    ^^^ So, if you’re political ideals are not in line with those described above. you’re not a real Vancouverite. Sounds like snobby, self-righteous Vancouver to me! Just in case anybody missed her second-last point…

    • Jordan Oram

      Miss ya Wheels! Perhaps you and Brown and I should reunite for some huzzahs at some point :)

    • Jordan Oram

      Miss ya Wheels! Perhaps you and Brown and I should reunite for some huzzahs at some point :)

    • Jordan Oram

      Miss ya Wheels! Perhaps you and Brown and I should reunite for some huzzahs at some point :)

    • Jordan Oram

      Miss ya Wheels! Perhaps you and Brown and I should reunite for some huzzahs at some point :)

    • Tom Wieler

      What’s up, Jordo? Good to hear from you.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      hey tom! fair enough. I didn’t necessarily say you couldn’t have opposing ideas, but rather any ideas/solutions for these problems. Regardless didn’t mean to come across like a douche. Well, I kind of had to, for this sort of piece. Jordan can attest i’m not actually much of a douche. I think … ?

    • Ryan Jorgenson

      Wait a minute here. If someone advocates more cars, fewer bikes, more homelessness, less affordable housing, more ugly condos, less gardens, and unaffordable education and healthcare that’s a legitimate political perspective that you think deserves respect? HA, you make me laugh.

    • Tom Wieler

      again, since my views differ from yours, i don’t deserve respect. The political views of my friends vary to all shapes and sizes, and i love all of those people. and i’m glad that my head isn’t so far up my ass that i would label a set of values that differ from mine “illegitimate.” so, for example, we met at a party, and we discovered we had a few things in common (movies, music, etc.), you would disregard me when you found out my politics are different from yours? Good luck to you, sir.

    • Tom Wieler

      again, since my views differ from yours, i don’t deserve respect. The political views of my friends vary to all shapes and sizes, and i love all of those people. and i’m glad that my head isn’t so far up my ass that i would label a set of values that differ from mine “illegitimate.” so, for example, we met at a party, and we discovered we had a few things in common (movies, music, etc.), you would disregard me when you found out my politics are different from yours? Good luck to you, sir.

    • Benjamin Hanson

      I love that she advocates affordable education and health care, but when it comes to the issue of housing, you’re a whiner for complaining about Vancouver’s ridiculous housing (renting or owning) market.

      Basically she’s saying you should fight your right to be well educated, well medicated, but homeless, and with a healthy appreciation to easy access to bourgeoisie activities like kayaking and skiing.

      Don’t ride a bike either. But be green.

      And don’t be claim to be or accuse people of being hipsters. But go to hipster dance parties. I’m not sure if by going to a “hipster dance party” you are by default claiming to be a hipster, or partying with people you accuse of being hipsters, but in either case both are damnable offenses in her eyes.

  • Ryan Medd

    Excellent. Although I think a special mention should be added to the “Say you’re from Vancouver when you’re not” point, regarding those of us with “Vancouver” on our birth certificate, regardless of where we live currently…we get a special pass to gloat about how great Vancouver is, anytime, any place.

  • Ryan Medd

    Excellent. Although I think a special mention should be added to the “Say you’re from Vancouver when you’re not” point, regarding those of us with “Vancouver” on our birth certificate, regardless of where we live currently…we get a special pass to gloat about how great Vancouver is, anytime, any place.

  • Ryan Medd

    Excellent. Although I think a special mention should be added to the “Say you’re from Vancouver when you’re not” point, regarding those of us with “Vancouver” on our birth certificate, regardless of where we live currently…we get a special pass to gloat about how great Vancouver is, anytime, any place.

  • Ryan Medd

    Excellent. Although I think a special mention should be added to the “Say you’re from Vancouver when you’re not” point, regarding those of us with “Vancouver” on our birth certificate, regardless of where we live currently…we get a special pass to gloat about how great Vancouver is, anytime, any place.

  • Ryan Medd

    Excellent. Although I think a special mention should be added to the “Say you’re from Vancouver when you’re not” point, regarding those of us with “Vancouver” on our birth certificate, regardless of where we live currently…we get a special pass to gloat about how great Vancouver is, anytime, any place.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      YES absolutely Ryan. Free pass, full rights. We are a rare species in this city!

    • John Bereczki

      Yes and of course most people wil say, oh it’s those weather wimps who can’t handle 2C!! lol

    • John Bereczki

      Yes and of course most people wil say, oh it’s those weather wimps who can’t handle 2C!! lol

    • John Bereczki

      Yes and of course most people wil say, oh it’s those weather wimps who can’t handle 2C!! lol

  • John Bereczki

    Ha ha now I have more ways to piss off Vancouverites! lol You forgot to ad “weather wimps” as I find people here to be pretty wimpy about a little cold weather but then again damp cold isn’t fun at all! I love how people here try to run away from the cold – might as well go down to Cali if you really want to get away from the cold! Suck it up Vancouver, you can’t get away from the cold or snow! Not just bad traffic but the worst drivers in Canada – don’t know how to stop, signal and tail gate like there is no tomorrow! Vancouver has some nice things about it but it’s got a long long long way to go to meets it’s full potential!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha yeah totally John. I had to end the list somewhere! It was hard to narrow it down — apparently it’s quite easy to piss us off. And we do have lots of terrible drivers it’s true, but I didn’t want to go there as some folks blame that on immigration and that’s murky waters right there. We sure are not at our full potential it’s true. I could just as easily rant about all the things wrong with our city! In fact, that would probably be a longer list :)

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha yeah totally John. I had to end the list somewhere! It was hard to narrow it down — apparently it’s quite easy to piss us off. And we do have lots of terrible drivers it’s true, but I didn’t want to go there as some folks blame that on immigration and that’s murky waters right there. We sure are not at our full potential it’s true. I could just as easily rant about all the things wrong with our city! In fact, that would probably be a longer list :)

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha yeah totally John. I had to end the list somewhere! It was hard to narrow it down — apparently it’s quite easy to piss us off. And we do have lots of terrible drivers it’s true, but I didn’t want to go there as some folks blame that on immigration and that’s murky waters right there. We sure are not at our full potential it’s true. I could just as easily rant about all the things wrong with our city! In fact, that would probably be a longer list :)

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha yeah totally John. I had to end the list somewhere! It was hard to narrow it down — apparently it’s quite easy to piss us off. And we do have lots of terrible drivers it’s true, but I didn’t want to go there as some folks blame that on immigration and that’s murky waters right there. We sure are not at our full potential it’s true. I could just as easily rant about all the things wrong with our city! In fact, that would probably be a longer list :)

  • Junebug GW

    The attitude of this writer exemplifies why this city continues to be known as Van $hitty

    • Jason M Bryan

      Total keener, absolutely. As if complaining about the fact that this is the most expensive city in North America is somehow a bad thing.

      Thriving art scene? Look at our contribution to culture. Real Housewives of Vancouver, really?

      This city is a globalist paradise and the dollar rules all. Wonder why cyclists hate mother fuckers in BMWs who buy their licenses? Take a look at how you’re driving your car, which is leased for more per month than most cyclists pay in rent.

      This is the lowest hanging fruit, it’s like the author took a bunch of tweets from Definitely Raining and wrote an article about them.

      If you want to read the real grit behind the scenes in Vancouver,
      http://cityofsingl.es

    • Kay 康山 Kim

      i’m gonna steal this, june :P this is awesome

    • Kay 康山 Kim

      i’m gonna steal this, june :P this is awesome

    • Kay 康山 Kim

      i’m gonna steal this, june :P this is awesome

  • Derek S Deacon

    As a born and raised Vancouverite, I embrace the hate. Quite frankly, from travelling around the continent, I’ve learned that not everyone has it as good as we do. Some people can’t comprehend jogging in shorts and a hoodie in January. Others can’t fully grasp that you can walk through the roughest part of Vancouver, the DTES, at any time of the day or night, and not have to worry about being stabbed, mugged, or shot. So if making fun of our hockey team, our abundance of rain or our perceived snobbishness makes you feel better, by all means, have at it. I’ll happily sit here and smile while drinking my well-hopped local craft beer and reading the headlines about how Vancouver is the 3rd most livable city in the world.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha Derek I love it! We’re fully on the same page. I travel loads, and yes sometimes I’m happy to get out of Vancouver and away from the rain, it’s true. But you know what else I love almost as much as I love traveling? Coming home. To this city. Cheers!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha Derek I love it! We’re fully on the same page. I travel loads, and yes sometimes I’m happy to get out of Vancouver and away from the rain, it’s true. But you know what else I love almost as much as I love traveling? Coming home. To this city. Cheers!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Haha Derek I love it! We’re fully on the same page. I travel loads, and yes sometimes I’m happy to get out of Vancouver and away from the rain, it’s true. But you know what else I love almost as much as I love traveling? Coming home. To this city. Cheers!

    • John Bereczki

      Actually that’s quite the opposite Derek, I see the few odd person wearing shorts in January as most people are wearing clothers that you wear in the Yukon when it’s only 5C, so there is not much to comprehend expect this city is full of weather wimps!! Must get boring reading the same article as nothing else ever changes in this “half-empty cup” city and as taxes rise and lose more jobs, gets more depressing because the government here is an absolute joke!! I guess you can still drink you beer when you’re on EI sitting in the roughest parts of downtown east side!! Too bad your lovely ocean and mountains won’t be able to help you out and cover your “high” cost of living!!

    • Derek S Deacon

      You are absolutely right, my friend!

      *sips beer and smiles*

    • Derek S Deacon

      You are absolutely right, my friend!

      *sips beer and smiles*

    • Derek S Deacon

      You are absolutely right, my friend!

      *sips beer and smiles*

    • Derek S Deacon

      You are absolutely right, my friend!

      *sips beer and smiles*

    • Giacomo Cassano

      5C….that is cold. what about the “weather wimps” (lame term, btw) who constantly piss and moan about the rain. is that not wimpy, in itself?…………”but it’s a DRY -30″

    • Blanca Martínez

      haha weather wimps! so true, with just a couple centimeters of snow the city is a chaos, they just do not know how to handle it. I moved to Vancouver thanks to the “most livable city in the world” lie and I was so disappointed: it is a beautiful city but I just couldn’t stand the rain and not seeing the sunlight for days, the housing prices are ridiculous and so is the mentality of who wrote this article. And Derek, I do not know how can you feel safe around Hastings and other areas full of drug addicts and weird people, I have traveled around Canada and never felt more unsafe than in Vancouver’s sketchy areas, especially being a girl. Needless to say, I moved out of Vancouver at the first opportunity I got, now I am living in the sunny Sydney and I can honestly say I do not miss Raincouver one bit.

  • Paul Done

    “Vancouver, where crapping on the suburbs is our civic pastime”.

  • Isaac S Papa

    I’m from vancouver, but sorry, the fans here are flip floppy to the fullest. It’s actually quite annoying coming from a lifetime hockey fan. Sorry, but most of the criticism comes from the flipfloppers and bandwaggoners who know very little and only support what’s trendy. Go to a city with REAL sports culture and they are not as uneducated. Vancouver is the pinnacle of overdoing anything trendy. Kate, I bet you’re wearing a TNA sweater, Lululemon yoga pants, and Ugg boots right now. But I agree on almost everything else you’re saying. I can tell you’re a true Vancouverite by defending these points in your article, because the rest of the world does see us that way.

  • Christine McAvoy

    Kate! Thank you…I hate when people call it No Fun City etc. – I’m out more days of the week than I’m not. Seriously, all you have to do is look at my column on Vancouver Is Awesome and see my listings…it takes 1minute maybe.
    You almost literally took the words out of my mouth with that one. Thumbs up.

    • John Bereczki

      Well it all depends on what you like to do or what you consider fun! 8 months of rain is definitely not a lot of fun hence that’s why the shopping malls are filled with people or lets do something inside because you can’t really enjoy the outdoors unless you enjoy getting wet!! Besides the nightlife, clubs, restaurants – there isn’t that much to do and even to get out of the city just for a change of scenery is a nightmare in itself!! Vancouver is like a betta fish stuck in a little cup and can’t go nowhere.

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Love your column Christine!! And love VIA. Glad to hear it was a decent representation of our fair city!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Love your column Christine!! And love VIA. Glad to hear it was a decent representation of our fair city!

  • Michael Pacholuk

    as for the indie music scene here… I would probably be right in saying that 9 out of 10 musicians that live here are not from Vancouver!

    • Kate Siobhan Havercroft

      Possibly, Michael. But we’re creating a space for that music to get heard, perhaps? But for sure, loads of great talent comes from all across canada.

  • John Smith

    Lived here my whole life. (29). You know what Vancouverites really hate? being told how to be a vancouverite. I will probably die here too, cuz it’s my home… all my friends/family, roots are here. There is no better place to be during the summer in canada, and having whistler and tofino so close is wonderful. having said that, only a noob vancouverite doesn’t complain about certain vancouverisms. it rains 8 months a year here. if that doesn’t bother you, you’re an asshole… go start a pep-rally somewhere. its expensive as fuck… again, I can’t see how you can spin that positively. everyone does blaze here and so should they. if they don’t, I don’t really give a shit about what they think. hipsters are cunts and indie music gargles balls. there is no art in this town and a very noticeable no-fun culture. when was the last time you saw a dance party in the streets or beaches of vancouver? that shit should happen daily during the summer. no fun. I dunno… the unconditionally positive shit is super tired. there are millions of places to live other than vancouver… some places have point breaks and sunshine all year. cheap rent. cuties. less pretentiousness. its fucking pouring as we speak. I’m not going out in that shit. meh.

  • Jason M Bryan

    The author of this article comes off as a fucking keener.

    • Tamara Nowakowsky Komuniecki

      I would love for you to clarify what a “fucking keener” means, Jason…do you mean showing civic pride? If that’s what you meant, then sign me up for the “fucking keener” club. This was a really good piece.

    • Tamara Nowakowsky Komuniecki

      I would love for you to clarify what a “fucking keener” means, Jason…do you mean showing civic pride? If that’s what you meant, then sign me up for the “fucking keener” club. This was a really good piece.

    • Tamara Nowakowsky Komuniecki

      I would love for you to clarify what a “fucking keener” means, Jason…do you mean showing civic pride? If that’s what you meant, then sign me up for the “fucking keener” club. This was a really good piece.

    • Jason M Bryan

      When privileged people write like they have a grasp on what it’s like in this city, I want to vomit

    • Jason M Bryan

      When privileged people write like they have a grasp on what it’s like in this city, I want to vomit

  • Zach McKay

    The key to making a successful “How to piss off” article is to make fun of both the natives of that place, the stereotypes, and the clueless tourists while all maintaining an “all in good fun” atmosphere. Some of the articles on this site have been really interesting and amusing, but when someone uses the article to tell everyone how wrong they are about that person’s city, it comes off as preachy.

  • Zach McKay

    The key to making a successful “How to piss off” article is to make fun of both the natives of that place, the stereotypes, and the clueless tourists while all maintaining an “all in good fun” atmosphere. Some of the articles on this site have been really interesting and amusing, but when someone uses the article to tell everyone how wrong they are about that person’s city, it comes off as preachy.

  • Jonny Grayston

    This article makes me hate ‘real Vancouverites’ as much as I used to hate the people that would talk shit on it.

    Born at VGH, I’m allowed to say this…Vancouver has changed, it has sold the fuck out. So I’m done. I’m out. Freedom is calling.

    By the way, Vancouver is not part of the PNW.

  • Jonny Grayston

    This article makes me hate ‘real Vancouverites’ as much as I used to hate the people that would talk shit on it.

    Born at VGH, I’m allowed to say this…Vancouver has changed, it has sold the fuck out. So I’m done. I’m out. Freedom is calling.

    By the way, Vancouver is not part of the PNW.

    • Norm Drouillard

      Amen. For the first time since I moved here, I want out.

    • Camille DuBose

      To be fair, you’re planning on coming to Austin, which is also in the process of selling out.
      I’m really happy to hear rollerblading is still alive somewhere.

    • Courtney Overgaauw

      I’m going to guess you were never a Dismemberment Plan fan, but they do this song called the jitters which is basically about how every place ends up being the same eventually. The place you left sucked and where you are is awesome, right up until the place you are sucks and the place you were was so great (why’d you ever leave?). The next place though, that’s gonna be awesome, and so on. That said, I’ve told you before, packing up and leaving a place ended up being one of the best things I ever did, but I had to realize it was about me, not the place.

      I might have just taken a long winded route to saying “no, you suck”. It wasn’t my intent, but I do know you hate this fucking town right now, and as long as that’s the case it will do no right.

    • Courtney Overgaauw

      and @[634979101:2048:Norm Drouillard], birth certificate or GTFO!!!

    • Norm Drouillard

      Wait, you’re a Red Wings fan from Vancouver?!? That’s FUCKED.

    • Jason M Bryan

      A few friends moved to Nelson, they love it there. Vancouver is absolutely a no-fun city when on Saint Patrick’s day I’m getting noise complaints before 11 PM.

    • Carlo Alcos

      I live in Nelson after growing up in Vancouver. Never looking back…

    • Courtney Overgaauw

      Norm, I’m a Red Wings fan from St. John New Brunswick actually.

    • Lindsey Rose

      You love this city, bro.

  • Jonny Grayston

    This article makes me hate ‘real Vancouverites’ as much as I used to hate the people that would talk shit on it.

    Born at VGH, I’m allowed to say this…Vancouver has changed, it has sold the fuck out. So I’m done. I’m out. Freedom is calling.

    By the way, Vancouver is not part of the PNW.

  • Neil Gibson

    I hear the sound of overpriced property depreciating

    • Jason M Bryan

      There will never be a lack of buyers. Shit, my rent is over $2,000 a month.

    • Jason M Bryan

      There will never be a lack of buyers. Shit, my rent is over $2,000 a month.

    • Jason M Bryan

      There will never be a lack of buyers. Shit, my rent is over $2,000 a month.

  • Katie Konopczynski

    This article is confusing an contradictory. Please don’t write as if you are speaking on behalf of all Vancouverites, because not all of us share your views on the city.

    • Giacomo Cassano

      …said the beautiful girl from Calgary.

  • Nick Tchir

    I wouldn’t take offence to any of these stupid things and anybody who does needs to seriously revaluate their lives.

  • Kristin DeBlois Prefontaine

    yeah.. regarding snobby vancouverites– makes adjusting to this city as hard as the incessant rain. I wouldn’t take pride in that point, my friend.

  • Nicola Fawcett Grenzner

    I love Vancouver! Also, it’s odd that anyone would say Vancouverites are mean. We always run into great folks in Vancouver.

    • Nicola Fawcett Grenzner

      And now I’m feeling the need to schedule a weekend there.

  • Derrick Daniels

    Factual error: Vancouver does not have any mountains.

  • Derrick Daniels

    Factual error: Vancouver does not have any mountains.

  • Derrick Daniels

    Factual error: Vancouver does not have any mountains.

  • Derrick Daniels

    Factual error: Vancouver does not have any mountains.

  • Jeff Martin

    Wow. this is just terrible. This is just making Vancouverites look even worse. I promise you we are not all like this. Just a few pretentious snobby bitches living in Yaletown.

  • Jeff Martin

    Wow. this is just terrible. This is just making Vancouverites look even worse. I promise you we are not all like this. Just a few pretentious snobby bitches living in Yaletown.

  • Benjamin Hanson

    The worst thing about Vancouver is that the fact that people with attitudes like the person who wrote this live here.

    Thank god that despite the tragically mistaken impression of the author, nobody from outside Vancouver ever actually thinks or gives a shit about anything to do with Vancouver, and will thus never bother reading this crap.

    Also, saying that both claiming to be a hipster and accusing people of being hipsters is annoying, but then listing “hipster dance parties” as a fun thing to do makes you look like an idiot.

    • Colleen Davis

      why cue me to read this trash?

    • Brock Aaron Buckhannon

      I am from the U.S., but I have several friends who live in Vancouver, or at the very least Burnaby. With the short distance between them, I don’t really want to argue the geographical separation. That’s not why I’m here.

      I toured around Vancouver once a year for three years, seeing different things every time, but always making a trip to arcades at some point, because they actually exist in Vancouver, and it’s still one of my favorite cities, despite the fact that this article makes me realize that I hate people in general. I don’t think I could stomach associating with someone who would get pissed if I asked them if they do yoga.

      I don’t really see how someone justifies that kind of anger, one which seemingly sprouts from nothing but being asked a simple question. Perhaps more people in Vancouver might need a therapist for anger management if this is the general mentality? No offense, but not a single Vancouverite I’ve ever talked to is like the person who wrote this article. She really managed to put a sour taste in my mouth by the time I finished it.

      You should simply be proud that people want to tour there at all, because it’s a beautiful place, but after reading this article I can see certain people changing their minds. This reads far too easily like a rant of sorts, and I can’t imagine seeing this article as a recommended article on Lonely Planet anytime soon. I’m not even trying to insult the author, but it almost makes me feel badly for liking the city. Is that the goal here?

    • Benjamin Hanson

      First of all, thanks for visiting our city and I’m glad you have a nice time here.

      I don’t do yoga. If you ask if I do yoga, I will just tell you “no”, and not be pissed of that you asked. I work out quite a bit, because I don’t like being out of shape, but I’m not a self righteous prick about it. I also smoke, which according to the author of this article, makes me a despised pariah in the community I live in.

      (To digress slightly) Sorry, Kate Siobhan Havercroft, for making your life as a real Vancouverite a living hell with my filthy habit. I now know I am not welcome here and am not a real Vancouverite like non smoking, yoga practitioners such as you. I am humbled by your wisdom. Thank you for letting me know what a piece of shit I am in the eyes of our community. Also, as a person who complains about living in a city with one one of the highest priced housing markets in the world, you have really shown me I should appreciate the opportunity to go snow shoeing every second weekend and stop bitching about trivial things, like not being able to afford to own a home, have children, and have enough left over to save for my children’s future. I’m the prick here, obviously. Whiners like me who think a run down, two bedroom, shit-hole, built in the fifties with a leaky roof in a junky infested neighborhood house should cost less than $600’000 should just shut the fuck up and get on with life. Sorry for smoking. Sorry for riding my bike too.

      Pardon my digression, Brock.

      Please visit us again. Some of us actually define our community experience in parameters other than what “pisses us off”, and would love to hear about and possibly visit your community too. Even if you smoke, don’t do yoga, and have affordable housing.

    • Eddy Elmer

      This is the most pretentious thing I’ve read in ages. Please tell me it was meant to be satire.

  • Robert MacLeod

    I didn’t know Vancouver has English speaking residents. Nice article

  • Maxime Tremblay

    “Oh, and if you’re a hipster cyclist, that’s even worse: draped in plaid and lacking a helmet, on a single-speed vintage bike”

    When will British Columbians learn that bike helmet laws are harmful for anyone who wants to promote cycling as a method of transportation?

  • justagirl

    Close proximity to an ocean is not a side-effect of excessive rain. Although, excessive rain may be a side-effect of close proximity to an ocean.

  • exVan

    yep, sounds like Vancouver. passive-aggressive, snobs. I met plenty of nice people while living in Vancouver, only a few where actually from Vancouver, everyone else was from other places (eastcoast…US..). Re:riots: Vancouverites like to pretend it was outsiders but it wasn’t, plenty of people destroyed their own city. And plenty of people from Vancouver, Surrey and Burnaby came to clean up the next day. I was there.

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