Comments on: Love and expat marriage: Finding identity as a trailing spouse

By: marmalade

marmalade — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 22:12:00 +0000

While I wasn’t a trailing spouse, as an ex-expat I would also recommend joining your local CouchSurfer community. When I lived in New Zealand it was a valuable part of my life, allowing me a weekly social event as well as friendships I wouldn’t have otherwise made. It definitely helped with feelings of isolation and loneliness!

By: Grace

Grace — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 19:29:00 +0000

How true! I am a Singaporean female who moved to the US to live with her husband and because of his work, we’ve had to move to 3 different states in the past year and a half. It’s so unsettling.

By: Mary

Mary — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 15:42:00 +0000

I love this article, Mary! My husband and I married and moved to Nigeria after a month of being married. We’ve only been in Nigeria for two months, but I can totally relate to just about every point you made in this article. Nice to know that others have a similar “trailing spouse” experience.

By: santi d

santi d — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 04:30:19 +0000

Greetings from Sydney!
You wrote a wonderful article, Mary.
As an Adult Third Culture Kid and a trailing spouse for nearly 11 years, I can relate to your story!

By: Janet Daghri

Janet Daghri — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 08:32:54 +0000

I really enjoyed reading your healthy perspective on living as a trailing spouse. It does help to hear comments from you and other women who are going through what I go through.

I am on my third assignment with my husband and have gone through all of what you wrote about. I too thought we would enjoy these countries together as a family but the truth is that we are all going through it in our own time. It’s rare that all of us (we have two kids) are on the same comfort level on any day.

What I find the most difficult is feeling so dependent. You touched on that just a bit. I would love more resources to help with this difficult topic. Maybe my spouse isn’t as supportive as I need him to be. He doesn’t quite understand that it takes about six months for me to feel like my feet are on the ground. Sometimes I feel that I don’t have an equal voice in our relationship because he’s the one working and I am the one dependent on him in so many ways. I work part-time from home for my U.S. clients. But that doesn’t seem to be enough for my self-esteem. I do get out and meet with expats. I have a daily schedule and make a point to enjoy time for myself. Those all help me get through the days but the dependence issue drives me crazy in my alone times as well as causing a great deal of strain on our relationship.

Our travels and experiences have been so amazing and I do feel that our children benefit from the experiences as well. It is at a cost though. After five years of being an expat, I’m not sure I would know how to live any other way.

By: Peggy

Peggy — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 06:05:19 +0000

Thanks for writing this article. I’m not sure how I came across it, but today is my first full day in Japan with my boyfriend, who is here for work. The plan is for me to find a job teaching English, but it’s pretty competitive in Tokyo, but I hope to find something.

I really appreciate all the comments others have left also, because it put my feelings into perspective, and gave me a glimpse of what’s to come.

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 08:32:33 +0000

I’m almost at the 6-month mark of living as a trailing spouse in Dublin, Ireland. Everything you’ve described, I’m definitely feeling. I cling to facebook and I read blogs from other ladies living here. Just last week I told my husband to stop asking me about my day when he comes home from work because it makes me feel bad. I know I’ll get past feeling this way but it’s still hard to deal with. I’m glad that we’re experiencing living in another country, I just wish I had more to do for me.

Your article really hit the nail on the head and I forwarded it to my husband to read. You put this into words much better than I could have. Thank you.

By: Robin Pascoe

Robin Pascoe — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:42:36 +0000

So glad to find articles like these…well done. I only wish you might have contacted me since I’m the only author to have written an entire book devoted to the subject of expat marriages, “A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It” and indeed, have made several video lectures on the subject too as well as the identity crisis of an accompanying spouse. http://www.expatexpert.com/video_lectures

Cheers, Robin Pascoe

By: Long Distance Relationships 2.0 « aelle, around the world

Long Distance Relationships 2.0 « aelle, around the world — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 05:53:57 +0000

[...] Travel is one of the areas of our life where we are out of sync, and we are still figuring it out. Before, we had been travelling at least twice a month for two and a half years straight – to see each other. Now we are in a brand new country. And Wally, who stays at home all week long, really wants to go out and explore on his free time. I, however, travel a lot for work (although not necessarily to fascinating places, it has shown me entire sides of Korean culture I would have otherwise missed). I am also forced to offer a much more social and cheerful image than I really am, and when the weekend comes I often want to nest for a while and just explore Korea through its foods you can order at home. In a little less dramatic manner than this author, he is experiencing Trailing Spouse trauma. [...]

By: Relations à Distance, 2.0 « aelle, around the world

Relations à Distance, 2.0 « aelle, around the world — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 01:19:19 +0000

[...] D’une façon un peu moins dramatique, c’est pour Wally le syndrôme de l’Epoux Suiveur [...]