How to piss off someone from Trinidad and Tobago
Cut in line.
Whether it’s at KFC, outside a fete or in the bank, do not cut in front of us. You will hear a loud steups if you try to jump the queue or attempt to hold a space for your friend/friends/relatives. Not that we’ll actually confront you about it. Instead, we’ll just fold our arms and talk loudly about how some people have no broughtupsy and how they are so inconsiderate and bol’face.
Use a fake accent.
We absolutely hate posers, especially when local radio and television hosts put on a Jamaican, American or British accent to sound more “cultured.” Really? Do that and we will change the station immediately. After all, we do have one of the sexiest accents in the world. Why would anyone want to cover that up? Don’t even get us started on locals who spend two weeks in the States and come back home a Yankee accent! Papa!
Say there is nothing beyond the lighthouse.
If you live in a self-imposed bubble in the West and claim that there’s nothing beyond the lighthouse, you are pissing off the majority of Trinidadians who live in the East/West Corridor and South and Central Trinidad. How can you call yourself a true Trini if you have never explored the length and breadth of our tiny island? Have you ever eaten a saheena or aloo pie in Debe? Bathed in a Pitch Lake pool? Seen the sun dip behind the Temple in the Sea or rise above the waves at Mayaro? Hiked from Matelot to Blanchisseuse? Visited Cedros? Come nah man!
Invite us to a party without proper food and drinks.
An essential ingredient to any good lime is huge amounts of food and alcohol. Don’t make the mistake of inviting us to a party without ensuring that the cooler’s filled with some cold Carib or Stag and you have a big pot of pelau or corn soup on the stove. Sorry but we don’t do fancy cocktails, cucumber sandwiches and sausages on a stick.
Be a show off.
Want to really piss us off? Post pics on Facebook and Instagram that show that you’re always living the good life: traveling to exotic places, partying every weekend with your gorgeous girlfriend/boyfriend, sitting behind the wheel of a luxury ride, eating out at expensive restaurants or taking blurry selfies with Machel backstage. Do it and we will watch you cut eye and take you down a notch by bringing up embarrassing stories from your past.
Get a bad drive.
Sure, we’re easy going but don’t you dare give us a bad drive. If you cut in front of us, drive on the shoulder, forget to signal or brake suddenly, you will hear a barrage of insults that will make anybody’s tantie blush. Or we’ll just roll up our windows and curse in the safety of our air conditioned vehicles. And don’t get us started on the traffic. How two tiny islands can have so many cars on the road is beyond our comprehension.
Work on a holiday or the day before/after.
Although we have a whopping 14 official national holidays (not including Carnival Monday and Tuesday), we still want more. If a holiday falls on a Tuesday, we will take the Monday off just to go on a four-day shopping spree in Miami or to laze in a beach house somewhere. And don’t expect us to show up in the office on weekends or the day before or after Christmas or Carnival.
Think all of us play Carnival.
Yes, many of us love to lime and have a good time but not everyone is a Carnival baby. Not everyone likes to wine up and down the streets in pasties and a thong on Carnival Monday and Tuesday. Instead, some of us prefer to spend the long weekend at the beach or at home watching Netflix. Don’t call us unpatriotic because we prefer not to participate in our “national festival” when there’s a host of equally significant and exciting festivals on our two islands like the Tobago Heritage Festival, Ramleela, Parang Festivals, Divali, Eid, Phagwa and Hosay, to name a few.
Say you don’t eat spicy food.
Almost every dish we make is laced with Scotch Bonnet or 7-Pot chili peppers and we love to douse everything with scorching, homemade pepper sauce. We’re so bad ass that we even bite raw chilies with our food. The undisputed king of heat is our Trinidad Moruga scorpion pepper so if you cyah take de heat, get out ah de kitchen!