6 Ways To Not Be A Holier-Than-Thou Traveler

By Christine Garvin On June 17, 2009 · 32 Comments

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Wow, you know so much about everything! Save it for the book.

Alright, you’ve been to 220 countries. You’ve ridden in the front seat of a speeding Myanmar junta’s jeep, jumped into and splashed around the Citarum river, and kissed a woman (and a man) in Antarctica.

Wait, there’s only like 195 countries.

Point is, you think highly of your well-traveled self. And although the Citarum river swim may be a slight stretch of the truth, you’ve had many crazy and amazing adventures during your world travels.

But now you are pretty much tethered to one place, be it home or expat-land, and are wondering why people sigh when you walk toward them.

Or why your friend has banned comments from you on his blog – I mean, you only called his stories about visiting museums in Italy glib and a complete waste of time twice, for pete’s sake. Can’t the guy take a little constructive criticism?

Yeeah. Here’s some desperately needed advice, even if you don’t think you need it.

Trust me, you probably do.

1. Did I Tell You About The Time…?

Just because you think it’s important to know that the national dish of Azerbaijan, yarpag dolmasi, tastes divine, because of course you’ve made it yourself in the back of a little restaurant…(and thud! your friend’s head hits the table), doesn’t mean anyone else gives a damn.

Telling people stories about your travels can be highly entertaining for both sides involved, but whenever you start dropping in little-known-facts that really are only there to show off how much you’ve seen and done, I guarantee that eye-rolling and head smashing will commence.

Photo: kwerfeldein

2. I Am Right, You Are Wrong. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

When you read the travel postings of others, don’t tear down what they are saying because you’ve “experienced more” and “know better.” Yeech.

There is always room for noting a difference of opinion.

But there is no need to verbally abuse the author or what they have said even if you were an eyewitness to a situation that completely goes against what they are saying. Mention your experience and move on.

3. I Thrive On Adventure. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

Don’t act as if the people in your life who are focused on driving to and from work, getting their kids to dance class/soccer camp, or who enjoy watching Survivor, but would abhor the idea of ever participating in it, are less evolved.

Yeah, this one is easy to fall into. But everyone has a purpose in this lifetime, and it may not include flying off into the sunset. We need all types to keep this world a moving and a shaking, so appreciate that you are dependent on the wifi they keep up and running, enabling you to blog about that insane wave you witnessed at Desert Point, man.

4. I Only Visit Small, Unheard-Of Towns And Provinces. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

Don’t act as if people who call London or Sydney or New York their favorite places to visit are less evolved.

I’m glad you braved traveling through the Congo. It’s wonderful that you took part in the Nettle Eating Championship in Dorset. It doesn’t make someone else less of a human being that they don’t want to have a similar experience.

5. This Place Is Soooo 1999.

Photo: howthebodyworks

Don’t say that [insert here] is SO much better at composting/recycling/biodynamic farming, offers SO much more organic, gluten-free, raw foods, has FANTASTIC public transportation/bars/restaurants/fine looking men and/or women.

Oh, I’m hugely guilty of this one. It can be so easy to just go on and on about how much better one place is than another.

Truth is, every place has their positives and negatives, and really, any place is what you make of it. So get over your trash (even if it’s in a pleasant tone) talk, and appreciate where you’ve landed (even if that’s home).

6. I Vibrate On A Higher Plain That Doesn’t Include Alcohol.

No need to show off how spiritual you are now that you’ve visited Thailand/India/a random ashram in nowhere, Maine.

I’m all for the spiritual epiphanies – they’re fantastic. But when you meet up with some of your old friends in Rio and they are ready to head out for the evening around midnight, the last thing they want to hear is you sniff haughtily and say, “I mustn’t go because I will be getting up at 4:30am for my three hour morning meditation.”

I know it can be hard to navigate a new-found spiritual lifestyle when it collides with your old, let’s say, more social ways, but you have to figure out a happy medium that doesn’t piss everyone off.

When it comes to spirituality, I’m personally all for the seen-and-not-heard path; this way, if people are interested, they’ll ask you about it. And then there’s no need to clobber them over the head with it, or more importantly, have them clobber you in the mouth.

What other seeds of wisdom do you have for the holier-than-thou traveler? Share your thoughts below.

About The Author

Christine Garvin

Christine Garvin is a certified Nutrition Educator and holds a MA in Holistic Health Education. She is the founder/editor of Living Holistically...with a sense of humor and co-founder of Confronting Love. When she is not out traveling the world, she is busy writing, doing yoga, and performing hip-hop and bhangra. She also likes to pretend living in her hippie town of Fairfax, CA is like being on vacation.

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Toodles

While its important not to be holier-than-thou, down-playing your experiences can be just as bad. When friends of mine have returned from long and amazing trips, naturally I ask; “How was it, tell me a story”. Those who nonchalantly respond with a few words describing the mediocrity of their trip are just as bad as the travelers described above. You were fortunate enough to go to an amazing place and have insane experiences but you cant even be excited about it! Super lame…

http://matadornights.com/ Kate

Yea, but I think the point is some people are like old drug addled blow-heard rock stars with an overinflated sense of their own self importance who are constantly mythologizing and repeating themselves using extraneous and otherwise meaningless details to show off the trivia they have learned traveling the world with vocabulary that means nothing to the person they are talking to.

http://thelonglayover.blogspot.com Carlo

Kate. Best. Sentence. Ever.
http://matadorabroad.com Tim Patterson

Ha! You rock, Kate.

http://Everything-Everywhere.com/ Gary Arndt

I am very guilty of #1. I fear I am becoming insufferable. I now tend to say nothing lest I go off on a rant about some place I’ve been.
http://www.keepingpaceinjapan.com Turner Wright

Balance is the key, as Toodles says. After living and working with someone in New Zealand for some time, I stumbled across his blog and discovered his first impression of me was one like #3 – “he’s successful and doesn’t he know it…”

Well, tried to scale back after that, but found the reverse of not speaking of travel is as Toodles mentioned – just as annoying.

Therefore, I have two possible solutions; never talk to or post anything to anyone ever again, or only talk to people constantly on the move.

I also enjoy using the first half of #2 as my defense against any argument.
http://yaramaz.livejournal.com/ koangirl

Points well taken and quite agreed with. However, after having lived Away for the last 15 years, with travel as my great passion, I find it very very difficult to answer many simple small-talk questions people ask (‘So, what were you up to last year?’ “Recommend any restaurants?’ “What music are you into?”) without sounding like a poncy know it all. Why? Because ALL my answers will be something like, gosh, there’s this restaurant in the Nizwa Oasis in Oman that had the best goat biriyani ever, loved it! Music? Music? Jeeze, there’s this really cool Turkish ska band that i really got into. And yeah, last year,when we left Turkey after living there 6 years, we kinda traveled by chicken bus from Mexico to Costa Rica before flying to Shanghai, where I live now. That was fun.

I really really really have to tone down my normal, every day life so I don’t come across badly. If I go home, I self-censor a lot because otherwise, everything I say will have an obscure reference. I’m certainly not holier than anyone- I’ve just got itchy feet.
http://collazoprojects.com Julie

Might we add: “I stay in hostels or camp for days without showering whilst you stay in hotels; therefore, I am better than you?”

I never liked hostels and while I love camping, the cities I tend to frequent don’t quite lend themselves to tent-pitching. And in a weird way, I’ve come to enjoy hotels. Does that make a traveler with any less cred than you?

If the answer is yes, don’t tell me!

http://hoptop.blogspot.com Alexandra

I am in complete accord with you Julie. Once while taking a shower at a camping hostel outside Venice I looked over at the corner and was distraught to see that someone had pooped there. My sleeping cot was in a caravan that had been divided in two by a plywood screen and to get the door to shut properly someone had to lock it from the outside for me.
To top it off there was an all-night discotecha about 100 yards from my caravan and kept being terrified by strangers drunkenly trying to get into my room in the middle of the night.
Needless to say, that was my first and last hostel experience for many years until I could pluck up the courage to try it again. However I still prefer to get a good deal on a hotel than bunk up in hostels.

http://thelonglayover.blogspot.com Carlo Alcos

Being a naturally humble person I sometimes struggle telling people about my travels, always conscious about how I’m coming off…but then again, I care too much about what people think about me.

I can’t stand being within earshot of many travelers in hostels or cafes/restaurants where they’re bragging about what they’ve done and seen and don’t shut up. It’s why I think twice about asking travelers I’ve met where they’ve been.

I won’t pretend though that I haven’t been guilty of some of these, at least of thinking them in my head. To each their own, different strokes for different folks, it takes all kinds, etc etc…is the ultimate attitude and I’m trying to get there, but sometimes the ego just jumps in and likes to make you think you’re better than someone.

Ryan

ditto

http://www.mknonline.com/ Mike

I find it best to blog about your lofty and often exaggerated knowledge and experiences so you can be more low-key to your friends. At least with a blog, people can choose to ignore your diatribes.

Although, for me, all bets are off if I get asked direct questions on a spot, challenged to a debate on a location/culture, or hear “I’m thinking of going there”. Then, my stories go unfiltered.
http://www.truequanimity.com/ Christine Garvin

I agree that sometimes it can be hard to find that line between talking too much and holding back, but I like Kate’s take on the subject. I think there is a huge difference between going on and on in a way that makes you seem better than the other person and actually sharing (as in dialoguing) about your experience with someone else.

Not that I haven’t been guilty of ALL of these at some point or another (ok, maybe not #4–I love London and NYC)…I wrote this piece just as much for myself as anyone else! I think a lot of it has to do with awareness of the situation you find yourself in, and knowing that we are all human and sometimes that includes the ego rearing its loud head.

Great one, Julie. Totally should have made the list!
http://www.keepingpaceinjapan.com Turner Wright

I also find I just can’t shut up about one particular place, even if I’ve happened to travel the world:

http://www.keepingpaceinjapan.com/2009/03/my-japan-habit.html
http://quarteryear.wordpress.com Mike

But what if I AM better than other people? How should I tell them?
Amanda

Oddly enough, I thought the same thing. As a person who travels a lot, I do think that traveling and stepping outside yourself is a necessary human experience for growth. But in the end, as the author writes, it should be an exchange rather than a lecture. Thanks for keeping me in check, Christine!

Although, maybe our listeners should check themselves and not roll their eyes. When I’m at a bar at home and everyone is joking about their worst drunk experience, I mention my last night in Paris, or the transvestites in Malaysia — the backdrop adds to the story. I am not bragging, just contributing to the conversation just as everyone else is. Other people talk about their jobs, their families and their lives – if I share my life in conversation (as out-there as it might be,) shouldn’t they politely listen as I did for them?

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine.” – Mariane Williamson
Claire

great article! One thing I’ve learned about returning home after traveling is that no one can ever TRULY understand what you saw or felt or experienced, so trying to describe it to someone, you will never reach your intended purpose. The experiences are YOURS, they belong to you and no one else. It makes me feel like I have this special gift that I can choose to share with someone, or not. I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone but myself anyways!

The other thing I really love about this article (and this entire community) is the emphasis on the diversity of the traveler. I really feel like Matador supports the shared passion for travel over the pretentious image of traveling a “right way”. keep your feet on the ground, but your head up towards the sky, right???
http://Travel-Writers-Exchange.com Travel-Writers-Exchange.com

Amen! It gets a little old when travelers try to “one-up” each other. Does it really matter? Probably only to you! That’s great if you’ve been to 175 countries, ate off-the-wall foods, and climbed mountains. Travel is a very personal thing. Just because you’ve “done it all” doesn’t mean someone who hasn’t eaten live bugs or climbed the tallest mountain isn’t an accomplished/experienced traveler. Travel is in the eye of the beholder…
http://enlightenyourday.com/subscribe-now/ Jonathan | EnlightenYourDay

Amazing post! I loved the intro, it was smart and swanky. Every time I visit this site I want to pack my backpack and hit the road.

Thank you

Jonathan

“It was the work of the quiet mountains, this torrent of purity at my feet” Jack Kerouac
anne

I love this post. I’m always striving to be this person, but yes, it does get tough sometimes. =)
Kaitlin Mills

Great article. I know quite a few people like that and sometimes I really want to just to tell them to stop talking. It wouldn’t work though they would just find something else to brag about.
Steve

Rather sad to say, my first thought on reading this article was, adding countries that don’t exist any more will get the count over 195 — did I mention I’ve been to Hong Kong, Yugoslavia, and East Germany?

I like the advice but I think I’m a lost cause. One of my buddies jokes no matter how mundane the topic of discussion, like stop signs, I’ll probably add something like, “Did you know in Africa stop signs aren’t red?”
Ryan

Amanda, you also make a great point (thanks for the quote). I am usually the quiet one in the group as I prefer to listen to the stories of others more than tell my own. However, I need to remind myself that there is no shame in offering input of any kind to a conversation. Too often I find myself biting m tounge so as not to sound pretentious in some way but really, how offensive can a good travel story be?

As for some more additions to the list (this one is for traveler-traveler interaction)
1. You mean you went to ______ and didn’t do this?
2. Well if you are going to ______, the only way to do it is ________.
3. That’s a good story, but let me tell you about the time that I _______.

There is no “right” way to travel or “necessary” agenda for a certain place. Unfortunately, many of my fellow Americans seem to think so and have embarrassed me in international crowds. And for Pete’s sake people, please don’t try to one-up some one else’s story the minute they finish…it’s really off-putting!

Great article Christine (again). This is really a topic I think more people should read about. However, it seems that the most guilty parties are ignorant to the fact that they even commit these crimes and can’t be stopped. God help us! haha
http://Everything-Everywhere.com/ Gary Arndt

In all fairness, you can count more than 195 countries.
http://www.travelerscenturyclub.org/

They use a more expansive definition of “country” including non-independent countries and places which are geographically removed. French Polynesia isn’t independent but if you’ve been there you haven’t really been to France. Same with Puerto Rico, Taiwan, Hong Kong, etc.
http://gonomad.com Stephen Hartshorne

As associate editor of gonomad.com I see a lot of travel snobbery against guided tours or popular attractions.
Then there’s this one: “Last year this was a beautiful, unspoiled destination, but this year YOU showed up.”
p.s. You can up your country count with a visit to Transnistria, the country that doesn’t exist:
http://www.gonomad.com/destinations/0906/transnistria.html
http://www.thelonglayover.blogspot.com Carlo Alcos

Are micronations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micronation) counted? Like the one Danny Wallance started up?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Lovely

http://www.truequanimity.com/ Christine Garvin

I want to take a class on being lovely at the University of Lovely.

http://www.thelonglayover.blogspot.com Carlo Alcos

Oh c’mon Christine, you could teach the course!

N

“appreciate that you are dependent on the wifi they keep up and running, enabling you to blog”… that is an awesome point.

Without people who get up and go to the same job every day, we wouldn’t have taxi drivers, pilots, chefs, hostels/hotels, banks, cameras, you name it. We def rely on them on our travels and should be grateful that the world isn’t solely backpackers, or else we’d all be screwed!
http://www.kagaipalace.com Maggie

I have a terrible holier than thou attitude, and I’m trying to break myself of it… I’m brand new in South Korea as an English teacher, and everyone keeps telling me to “be careful to do this”, or “I know this is annoying, but…” and before I can help it, I just blurt “Yes, I know. I’ve lived in Africa. This is pie compared to *that.*”

And every time I just want to slap myself in the face, but sometimes the “this is easy” attitude is what’s getting me through the day. Maybe it’s the same for these folks.
Bhaskar Banerji

We all know that gossiping is a bad thing or so we’re told (though some research suggests that gossiping is a stress buster) but we humans like to gossip because there’s something delicious about gossiping. The same goes with bragging be it about travel or any other aspect of life. From a spiritual perspective, bragging feeds the ego, and therefore almost all religions denounce it, but on the flip side, bragging is like scratching an itch, it’s very satisfying on some level, at least for a while, until somebody else scratches their itch harder then you and you watch them do it and it appears grotesque.
Carla

I am often guilty of #1 because when I find myself in the listener role, I love to hear every traveller tale!

Sometimes I fall into #3 too, because I used to be as little adventurous as it gets, so when people say they are comfortable at home my default response is “but there’s SO MUCH to do and see and listen and…!”.

6 Ways To Not Be A Holier-Than-Thou Traveler

1. Did I Tell You About The Time…?

2. I Am Right, You Are Wrong. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

3. I Thrive On Adventure. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

4. I Only Visit Small, Unheard-Of Towns And Provinces. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

5. This Place Is Soooo 1999.

6. I Vibrate On A Higher Plain That Doesn’t Include Alcohol.

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