Why goal-based living will ruin your life

By F. Daniel Harbecke On August 16, 2010 · 59 Comments

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Daniel Harbecke explores why the only thing worse than being a slacker is having direction.

As Montaigne said, “The journey, not the arrival, matters.”

Did you know that you can pen some really spectacular blasphemy, as long as you quote someone historical and pithy? It’s true, and I’ll prove it! Here’s the blasphemy: GOALS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.

If you’re of a sensitive nature and don’t want the toes of your shoes to curl up, you should stop reading now. Of course, the seed’s already planted and you’re going to Hell anyway, so you may as well stay with it.

Think back to that lovely summer day during your youth, when your mom and dad sat with you at the kitchen table. “Son/Daughter,” said Dad, oozing buckets of pride and expectation all over, “it’s time you thought about setting some goals in life.”

“You were such a good baby,” said Mom, with so much admiration it could butter toast. “Now you’re old enough to choose your own goals.” What they really mean is that YOUR FREEDOM IS OVER. SUBMIT TO GOALS.

What they really mean is that YOUR FREEDOM IS OVER. SUBMIT TO GOALS.

Don’t believe it? Ask Aristotle: “All that we do is done with an eye to something else.”

How about your Graduation Day, and the inspiring commencement speech given by no less than TV funnyman Bill Cosby? He said, “The only way to get the things you want is to set goals – aim for the stars.” His gentle words touched your heart with their LIES, LIES, LIES. SURRENDER YOUR FREEDOM. OBEY BILL COSBY. COMPLY WITH GOALS.

If only Emerson said something about this. Actually, he said something about everything: “If you go expressly to look at the moon, it becomes tinsel.”

So far, it’s Mom, Dad and Cosby versus Aristotle, Emerson and me. That’s just enough confusion to carry my point along: GOALS WILL DESTROY YOU.

Say What?

Photo: Hello Turkey Toe

Ever since you were a kid, the “goals = good” mantra has been soundly beaten into you, the virtue of “realistic goals” jammed down your throat.

And who can argue with results? Goals are the difference between success stories and failure fables:

Dusty had goals in life, but Buddy… did not. Today, Dusty has a thriving business, a perfect family and the envy of his peers. Buddy, however, holds down a couch instead of a job, watching American Idol on TiVo and plowing through bag after bag of Lay’s Sour Cream and Chives.

It’s true that goals are very useful tools for accomplishing work, but here’s what no one tells you: they’re not very useful tools for accomplishing life. Remember: the right tool for the right job.

Dig deeper into the stories of Dusty and Buddy, and you’ll find there’s no evidence of happiness in either situation. But we automatically assume Dusty is a success, since achievement is measured in quantity rather than quality.

Society would prefer you to be productive and miserable instead of unproductive and miserable. However, society would also prefer you to be an unarmed peasant who doesn’t get too mouthy. And who made society the boss of you? SCREW GOALS!

Let the Deprogramming Begin

If goals are so bad for you, how are we supposed to get anything done?

Good question. About a hundred years ago, people thought everything they did was because they were horny and brutish. But that’s because they were listening to Freud, who believed human motivation was based on the drive to produce more humans. According to Freud, need is a causal phenomenon: it springs from a source, which he believed was biological in origin. Oink, grunt.

But some theorists thought reducing humanity to a bunch of aggressive sex robots was a tad simplistic. Jung, Adler and others saw behavior as teleological, or based in terms of a final purpose or aim. This perspective means we can choose among interests and go after what we want, rather than being pre-programmed by animal drives.

When we’re stuck in the past or future, we fail to see things from “outside” the program.

So that’s the big menu: instead of being pushed by deficits (which we don’t choose), we can be pulled by goals (which we do). It’s a bit more cheerful, but it isn’t entirely liberating, either.

The problem is we tend to get locked in either perspective. When we’re stuck in the past or future, we fail to see things from “outside” the program. Not only that, we fail to see what’s happening around us right now.

Both Sides of the Spectrum

Dusty and Buddy represent both sides of the spectrum. Buddy is a slacker, who lives from satisfying one basic itch (which I mean both literally and figuratively) to another.

Photo: lululemon athletica

How, though, is Dusty any real improvement? Does he spend much time outside the office, away from his schedule of “achieving”? Is the time he spends at home authentic, or is keeping the appearance of a “perfect” family just an item on his to-do list?

Buddy is an example of what I call deficit-based living: he centers on past experiences to avoid his future, which appears as an unfulfilling present. Dusty, on the other hand, embodies goal-based living: he centers on future expectations to escape his past, which appears as an unfulfilled present.

How many people do we know are stuck in their own little program?

• Deficit-based thinkers are pushed from behind with no one at the wheel, careening from one moment to the next. (“I suffered some trauma in my past, and have turned my life over to being haunted by it.”)

• Goal-based thinkers are dragged along by an artificial duty or mission, missing the meaningful events of the here-and-now. (“The only way it is possible to be truly happy is if and only if my goals are achieved.”)

Life Outside the Cult of Goals

“Not every end is a goal. The end of a melody is not its goal; but nonetheless, if the melody had not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

There is an alternative to deficit-based and goal-based living – one not focused on some dark history or a rosy destination. It’s called CBL: curiosity-based living.

It’s difficult to sustain curiosity without doing something about it immediately. Curiosity lives in the present moment, satisfied with the goings-on of the world as seen today. It strings our past interests together to reveal a direction to future potential. It’s an inner voice that speaks to us now, not a droning script from a contrived past or future. Curiosity is about focusing our attention on a fresh, inestimable present.

To be completely honest, there’s really nothing wrong with goals. We need them, just as we need our past, to grow into fuller and richer people. But we also need to be aware of our lives as they exist in this Moment – to see them not from a perspective of regret or worry, but from fascination and vitality.

Breaking free from this programming is a kind of blasphemy I hope everyone can appreciate. If not – well, there’s always tomorrow.

“…Not all those who wander are lost…” – J. R. R. Tolkien.

Do you think focusing on goals keeps you from living in the moment? Share your thoughts below.

About The Author

F. Daniel Harbecke

F. Daniel Harbecke (just call him Daniel, the F's a family thing) is currently working on "A Philosophy of Travel" which envisions travel as a metaphor for the meaningful experience of life. Daniel has lived in Europe, South America and Asia and is trying to fund his tony lifestyle in Sweet Home Chicago.

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http://www.expatheather.com Heather

I’m gonna have to agree with Solomon on this one: “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18)

I think it depends on what you define a “goal” as whether goal-based living will ruin your life or enhance it. For me, setting goals is a way of pursuing the vision I have for my life.
http://vagabonderz.com Carlo Alcos

So glad to see a piece from you Daniel! Missed you round here.

I’ve been doing a lot of this sort of thinking lately. Goal is such a broad term…like you said, obviously some things require goals. I think we take some of the longer term goals for granted. That it’s been drummed into us that there’s something wrong with us if we don’t have them. There’s something evil about ambition. Especially long term ambition. I think it has to do with the fact that things are changing all the time. Our surroundings, situations, ourselves change over time. And sometimes things change very rapidly and unexpectedly. And I think people can tend to ignore all of these changes and plow ahead with their ambition, even though it’s not relevant anymore, or even though they’re not really happy anymore.

Hmmm. A bit all over the map there. Finding it hard to form cohesive thoughts about this, there’s so much conflict. It’s great food for thought.
http://www.maryandseansadventuresabroad.blogspot.com Mary R

I’m not sure that working towards a goal prevents us from focusing on the present, but I do believe that setting a goal (or a high standard) can often be counterproductive… puts unnecessary pressure and inhibits our overall performance.
http://www.takenbythewind.com Reannon

I think you can have general life goals for yourself and still live in the moment. I’d like to find a life partner one day have children…Knowing that doesn’t stop me from focusing on the present. I think that having a mental list of things you’d like to accomplish in life and being obsessed with them are too different things.
http://thefutureisred.com Leigh

This made me think of the Tao of Steve. Great movie with some great lines like…

“Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler. He did a lot. But don’t we all wish he woulda just stayed home and gotten stoned? ”

Obviously, there’s a middle ground somewhere between the constant struggle toward goals and doing nothing. It is, like everything else, all about balance.

Because, I mean, if you’re unhappy, you’ll remain so whether or not you reach your goals. But if the process of getting to those goals is filled with joy, learning, creativity, so that if you never reach it, that’s ok too, then you’ve found your golden mean.
http://www.gypsygalstales.com Prime

Ho-hum another piece from an overfed citizen in a developed country whose mission in life is to find meaning and senseless round of navel gazing.

Living in a developing country, setting goals is important to us if only because we need to escape the crush of poverty and hard life. Curiosity-based living, Im sorry to say, is just an excuse to bum around.

http://onceatraveler.com Turner

That’s a bit of an oversimplification. Obviously, that’s not Daniel’s argument. Even though many of us haven’t experienced “poverty and hard life”, that doesn’t mean we’re required to, to be a functioning member of society. I suppose to most in developing countries this does sound like “bum around” talk, but that’s the luxury we have, to not have to worry about basic needs and instead focus on how to live our lives the way we want to. The best way we can.
DHarbecke

I admire your motivation. Can I move in with you? I hate working.

I’ll let you look at my navel!

chad

I don’t think setting goals is the problem. I set a goal to spend lots of time with my wife and kids. That enhances my life. Being a focused, driven person the main problem is living to far in the future and that is what I think is the issue here. If your mind is set in the future you forget to “stop and smell the flowers”.
http://exploretruth.com Veron

Not becoming a slave to goals is a valid caution. It reminds us to enjoy what we have already achieved, and the things in our present, that are so easy to take for granted.

This doesn’t negate the importance of having vision, and clearly defined goals. But your emphasis promotes a more rounded look at life, and in the end a more enjoyable experience.

It reminds me of this saying I heard somewhere: “I am both content and ambitious.”

Great article!
http://onceatraveler.com Turner

I like this article, Daniel, but it lacks the “middle path” argument, which I think is where most of us are.
http://vagabonderz.com Carlo Alcos

@Turner The middle path doesn’t generate much discussion

In addition to your reply to Prime, I would also say that developing countries should be careful to what their goals are, what they aspire to. So many still look to the model of America (or the Western world) and clearly there are some major problems with this culture/society.

There is a real danger these days I think. Almost every single younger person (20s/30s) I’ve spoken with in recent travels in the US and Canada is either going to graduate school or have just gotten their Masters degree (or have immediate plans to). Many of them have no idea what to do with their life, but are blindly following goals, because this is what is expected of them. How on earth do these young adults know what they want to do with their lives coming out of highschool? Everyone is getting their Masters because degrees are equivalent to high school diplomas these days. What’s going to happen when everyone has their Masters?

As Bob Dylan said, times are a’changing. We need a different paradigm. This isn’t cutting it anymore. Not with constant flux and changing ideals/technology, etc.

I think we need to start living from our passions instead of this idea that there is stability in high-paying status-rich jobs. This notion of stability doesn’t exist anymore, I don’t think. So let’s all just relax and do something we love that actually makes us happy.
http://www.holisticwithhumor.com/ Christine Garvin

It’s interesting to have read and edited this piece, and then to read the follow-up comments. When I first read it, I thought, “Oh, thank God. A different idea.” I wondered if to follow the idea of curiousity-based living, that we’d actually get to the place we are supposed to a lot faster than trying to get there via goals. That maybe this whole life thing is set up intuitively, but we’ve smashed down our intuition so far that it is impossible to fully connect to it.

I know I feel best when I follow what I want to do at the moment. Problem is, that often does pay for the food on the table or the roof over my head.

As I read the comments, I couldn’t help but wonder how say Europeans, or Brazilians, or the millions of other people in the world who aren’t on their computers all day, would comment on this article. Would they say they live a CBL existence? Or that their GBL existence had to do with cooking glorious local-food dinners sided with plenty of wine, drinking strong cappuccinos (not of the US variety) with friends, taking siestas to drink in both sleep and the scenery around them? I could get behind that kind of GBL living. I think in the US/Canada (and certainly, more and more parts of Europe), we have a different idea of what makes life “worthy.”

And, I know that I would never complete any of my writing, dancing, or dealing with finances done if it weren’t for goals. So yeah, I’m guessing there has to be some sort of middle ground here.
j.c.

Hmm… I thought this article would be something different.

I found a long time ago that goals didn’t work for me because it was impossible to accurately judge my potential in a given situation before engaging. Bar too low – life limiting. Bar too high – discouraging.

I come up with action plans. I wouldn’t call them goals because they’re not things to conquor or accomplish. Like I think “what could I do after this part of my life is done? What if that didn’t work out? What kinds of things might I want to do to create more options in my situation?” Then I do stuff. Then more stuff. That’s it!

For demographics sake, I am not on the couch and am not aimlessly pitching money into a savings account from a cubicle.

edward d

I agree. I think of it as setting myself on paths which will increase the likelihood of arriving at a goal, rather than setting goals per se. A goal is the time to step off the path, I guess.

Chase

I’m not sure where this one’s coming from. Are you berating goals or not?

In order for a valid counter-argument I think it’s safe to say that not everyone ( America and elsewhere) believes that being a “productive” member of society is a bad thing. It seems you would have us believe that a desire to contribute to the preservation and furthering of one’s country (or human race in general) has become some kind of epidemic afflicting and defacing people’s lives. On the contrary, a little bit of hope and solid confidence in ourselves as well as the people around us might actually bring people together. Where would society have gotten if not for such individuals as Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, or Bill Gates, who undoubtedly set goals and life aspirations for themselves?

I totally agree that we should be living with a vitality for both past, present, and future, but there must be some common ground here. A society of people solely following their own personal interests and visceral pursuits wouldn’t be a society at all.
(Also be aware that I’m just ranting for the sake of ranting, I do understand the point you are trying to make, and do agree.)

And what’s with the hostility towards America, from Americans!?!
http://www.deliciouschaos.com Nick

Really enjoyed this piece, and the comments it’s generated so far.

Reminds me of the Alan Watts The Meaning of Life video, in a way. If we’re not careful, we end up blinding pursuing the goals dangled in front of us, and lose sight of what it is we’re really chasing after.

For what it’s worth, I too would advocate a kind of middle way.

Something else to chuck into the mix. There are goals and there are goals. During my illustrious football career (what do you mean you haven’t heard of Leybourne United?), the most spectacular goal I ever scored was an own goal: I volleyed the ball into my own team’s goal *from the half way line* after a goal kick. No shit. Was so embarrassed, I played like a demon afterwards.

Must mean something, huh?!

DHarbecke

I was on the other team, and I must say we were all impressed. =)

Meghan

You have created a good thought-space for conversation with your piece, Daniel!

I’m a goal-oriented person. Goals are what drive me to be better at what I do.

However, the older I get (That makes me sound old, but I’m just 31.), the more I realize that sometimes awesome opportunities fall out of the sky unplanned, uninvited. When I’m fortunate enough for this to happen, I’ve got to embrace the heck out of it. While a surprise opportunity might change a goal, or make me altogether throw it out, that’s alright because cool stuff inevitably evolves.

What I’m saying is that, for me, a balance of sorts between a goal-driven and a flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants life works pretty darn fine.

Happy day!
DHarbecke

Sweet! I wanted to write a piece that would stir the pot. Good to see the dialogue!

To the questions:

Am I berating goals? Yes, and no. I’m mainly against the idea that goals are the key to happiness. They’re not. They’re only part of it. Having a goal and working toward it won’t guarantee happiness, because – breaking news – there’s no guarantee of happiness in life! Many times, goals interfere with contentment – you work so hard for your future happiness, you forget to be happy now. Goals can be a mean lie you tell yourself: I promise to be happy when I achieve my aim. But how can you promise that?

Am I saying that we shouldn’t have goals? Of course not. (But the article title sure got your attention, didn’t it?) All I’m suggesting is MODERATION – the middle road, as Turner suggests. A healthy life includes goals, but when you peel them away, there had better be something more as well.

I went to the ice cream store with the goal of a cone with sprinkles. They were out of sprinkles, but the beautiful woman behind the counter asked me for my number. “Away, harpy!” I shouted. “SPRINKLES!!!” See? Goals can be kinda stupid sometimes.

chad got it. Reannon, Meghan and Leigh got it. Mary R and Heather kinda got it. Veron and Nick nailed it. Carlos is still thinking about it – the best compliment I could receive! And Prime just cracks me up. Folks, if you’re working towards something that has meaning, you’re really just positioning yourself for those future rewards. But the work ITSELF has meaning – enjoy it! And if something in my article or this response gave you a grin, it’s a sure bet you didn’t plan on it.
Jessica

@Prime, I appreciate the sentiment of where your comments come from, but I wonder if you’ve considered that the goals of an overfed person from a developing country SHOULD be different, perhaps dramatically different, than those of a person from an underfed developing country?

What I mean is, and maybe one of the points Daniel was trying to get at, is that those of us in (for example, much of the United States) who no longer have to fight each day for food, or clean water, or for a roof over our heads often still behave as if we do—and set goals as if we’re still struggling to have enough—even though we have plenty. In particular, wealth Western culture defines success not just as having and meeting goals, but as having an meeting a certain type of goals. Specifically, goals that get you more. More money, a bigger house, a more prominent title, more stuff. And, that seems to be a bad thing for everyone — for the environment, for our individual and collective health, for other countries who have less. It is a dogma that has many ill effects for us as a culture and as individuals.

I think that although Daniel did set up a bit of a false dichotomy — goals based living versus deficit based living — the underlying point is still valid. If those of us with enough wealth and possessions and degrees and titles could refocus on, for example, curiosity based living, or even maybe a living with a healthy mix of curiosity driven activity and public service driven activity, then perhaps we can find ways to spread the wealth a resources a little better, and give others more opportunities to set other kinds of goals. Even the goal of having few goals.
http://www.ephemeraanddetritus.com MaryAnne Oxendale

“Away, harpy!” I shouted. “SPRINKLES!!!”

I’m going to use that line next time I buy ice cream. Unfortunately, I live in Shanghai and it’s unlikely I’ll be understood, but still, awesome line.

As for goals, I have vague concepts of how I want my life to be. Through minor, constant readjustments, I try to align myself in that general direction. Most of my path so far has been serendipitous and rather unexpected and that’s cool with me. It’s been a very good ride.
http://saffakidlife.blogspot.com Jenna

it’s so interesting to see how differently people have responded to this article.

i think, after reading all the comments, that yes, people will always need some kind of direction to move forward, and a degree of balance to avoid becoming too obsessed with either the past or the future.

i do think though, that the main idea i got out of this article is exactly that, to not have so little direction that you are living in the past, but not so many “goals” that you place conditions on your happiness.

all this talk reminds of a book my late doctor gave to me called “a way of life” by william osler. although i read it ages ago, i think the basic crux of the argument was to live your life by the day, and not let your main focus go beyond a 24 hour period.

i didn’t think much of it at the time, but when we found out, after my doctor passed away, that he’d been battling with cancer for over 12 years, it all made a lot more sense to me.
http://olivaresbound.blogspot.com cat

Daniel,

Great post. I made two goals when I graduated college three years ago: Move abroad, and travel to 25 countries before turning 25. Sunday I turned 25 and, as a reformed perfectionist, I’m unsure of my new goal. I have no job as of next week, 1,000€ to my name, and am decidedly content. Living in Spain for three years turn you into one of those “mañana, mañana” people afterall!

Saludos from a Chicagoan in a town of 250 in Spain.

DHarbecke

Let me know when you’re back, and me and the missus will invite you to a pizza. Spain is Spain, but Chicago pizza’s one of a kind. =)

http://www.travelersnirvana.com Kittu

“…Not all those who wander are lost…” – J. R. R. Tolkien.

“..Not all those who bum around have no goals.. ” – kittu

just 30mins back my boyfriend told me.. kittu, you should plan your life. you should have goals. And i thought.. how boring would that be!!! I have a goal- I want to travel and bum around the whole world…
http://qugrainne.com Kerry Lee

Bottom line is, and pretty much every one agrees, is live in the moment. You can have goals, you can sit on the sofa, whatever, as long as you are present. Then again, whatever makes you happy.

J.J.VanderLeeuw said, “The real mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, it is a reality to be experienced.”

In a nutshell!

I enjoyed the article (and the conversation).
http://www.greenygrey.co.uk Marc Latham

Great article Daniel, and nice use of sources. As Leigh wrote, I think the middle ground is the place to be. You looked at goals as defined by the western capitalist model, which is good for creating an argument, and showing things from a different perspective.

Returning to my favourite subject of me and my inspirations, I must have seemed like a bum to most people who saw me travelling in my youth, but I still had goals that seemed more important to me than the ‘norm goals’ of finance and material possessions building: to travel the world and experience as much as possible in my life.

Kurt Cobain had goals under his dropout image: to be famous and kill himself, and many of the 60s counter-culture leaders were also quite single-minded in the pursuit of their goals, while some businessmen or inventors within mainstream society might become successful without much effort.

Sorry for the self-promotion, but this subject influenced my greenygrey philosophy, and also the Folding Mirror poetry form (http://fmpoetry.wordpress.com) I created, which has two sides of a concept either divided or linked by a middle line in the poem.

http://vagabonderz.com Carlo Alcos

As a big fan of symmetry, I must say I love the idea of folding mirror poetry!

http://www.greenygrey.co.uk Marc Latham

Thanks Carlo, and I look forward to you trying your hand at it…? Cheers.

G.B.S.N.P.Varma

Hi Daniel,

Enjoyed the piece. Hilarious.

well, let me scratch the unscratched itch now.
DevilsCatalyst

just 200-300 yrs ago, there was no industrialization. No factories required avled bodies to work from 9 to 5 produce stuff n wear watches to be on time, get educated n disciplined. Billions were free minds, living off the land, mostly living in the present. Happy? Dont know!!
Human mind has constant yearn to do something (or not be satisfied) n laze around too, improve, achieve (secure survival) n so on.

Life is giving into goals, desires, wants at snails pace or breakneck speed. The only limiting factor is options/opportunity n insecurities (n that’s a lot)

Not brainwashed
David

This is postmodernist. Just a comment.

DHarbecke

Only because it was getting too long for haiku!

You are correct, sir, though postmodern is a loaded term. What I’m thinking is that we shouldn’t let postmodernism bully us into abandoning narratives, though we’d better pay attention to them. In the end, we’ll wind up choosing narratives based on how well they deliver what we’re after. The focus is going less toward deconstruction, and more toward reconstruction – a much more challenging project!

Desiree

I agree with heather
and that was actually the first thing that came to mind when reading this
but the very next thing that came to mind was…

A goal is not a vision, and a vision is not a goal.
And I know people use this interchangeably but “having a direction” is not a goal, and a goal is not “having a direction”. A vision is ‘having a direction’ in a very general sense, but you can definitely get specific about a vision, a goal is just something you want to do.

I can have a direction and have no goals. I can have goals, and have no direction.(eventually I’ll stop with the inverted sentences lol)

I’ve found alot of people have goals, but have no vision. And Vision will dictate the things you want to do, or the objectives you want to set(aka the goals). A vision is ever changing, and quite honestly NEVER ACCOMPLISHED. It keeps you going and it keeps you alive. Just like when companies have a vision statement or mission statement…does the company just stop once they do it? No. They expound on the vision…which creates more goals for them reach. Goals are accomplished, visions are not. Soon as you “accomplish” a vision, you die, meaning you don’t live life abundantly. You perish, as a Solomon put it. Where purpose and vision are unknown, abuse and death is inevitable.

DHarbecke

Brilliant! I’d love to pursue the difference between goal and vision further! Thank you for your insight!

MysteryMom

Without seeming to sound too overdramatic, this article just set me free from about 20 years of internal struggle. You star! An epiphany! ) . Going to read it again… then change my agenda. Love the Tolkein quote too. Thanks to the author. Smart guy.

DHarbecke

=) Very glad to have helped. Here’s to epiphanies!

http://offtrackbackpacking.com/ Naradb

This article is so true, but at the same time I feel it really depends on the person. It is whether you focus yourself to make it happen… or just sort of try to make your goals come true. This is one of the most difficult things in life, is figuring out if its worth it. Nice post!!
DHarbecke

A lot of interesting ideas! Just a note to say how much I’ve enjoyed reading your responses. Very happy to hear so much back! We must do this again sometime…
http://BabyPhotoPictures.com Reid

I once had a boss who asked my where I saw myself in five years. I replied: “Where ever life takes me”. She advised: “Well, if you don’t know where you are going then you won’t know when you arrive.”

Now several years later, I’m a contented freelance artist, while she has been in and out of mental institutions following a nervous breakdown.

I’m glad I didn’t follow her advice!
jason

I am sorry but i am going to have to disagree. The idea that you can get anywhere in life without some sort of plan to navagate the pitfalls and get past the con men found literally everywhere is unbelievably nieve. This sort of thinking at best will cause the person who lives by it to never get anything more than what life would automaticly give them while taking so much more.
It’s people like these who end up working at fast food restaraunts for the rest of their lives never striving for anything better. Meanwhile, the rest of us grow past such complacency.
This may just be my opinion, but life without goals or at least some sort of long term target is a waste.
As an example, I used to work for a man named Bruce working in a games shop. My job included keeping up on all the latest game trends. At the time I was making barely minimum wage (though on salary so the hours were long). At the end of each night I was responsable for counting out the register. My boss was making well over 1500 dollars a day while I was only getting roughly 50. I was doing a majority of the work and by the time I ended up moving on many of the regulars generally concidered me to be an authority on the types of games they liked to play. This was the last time I worked for anyone else. The point to describing this is to show how I was essentially taken advantage of because I had no plan. I was nothing more than an employee. The other customers may have been sorry to see me go but the owner had me replaced within a couple days. By the way with someone who was younger more nieve and willing to take even less pay.

Yes you can go through life with the relaxed attitude described above but eventually life gets real. When it does if you don’t have enough of a financial buffer, you can lose everything. This has also happened to me, Not only did I lose everything I ended up homeless. I had a job, there was a flood making it impossible to get to work and by the time everything had receded I had gone through all my savings and my hours at work had been given away to other employees who found ways to get to work sooner.

Same theory applies, you can either be a servant and take what little others give you (while taking everything else for themselves) or you can treat yourself like a resource.

Once you recognise your own self worth, then come up with a plan. Once you have a plan then you don’t have to react to everything that happens to you. Yes life is long, and yes there are some horrible things that are going to happen to you.

this is life

However if you have a plan, then no matter how bad things get, as long as the situation doesn’t keep you from completing your goals then ultimatly the situation doesn’t really need to affect you (even if it does happen).

An example of this would be me ending up homeless several times during my college years. no matter how many times it happened or what I had to do to work my way back from it, since I never allowed it to affect my studies or long term goals ultimatly it’s just something that happened to me. Instead of being a life altering event, each and every time it was nothing more than a distraction.

Without a goal I would have been lost. I would have given up or worse chosen to fight every injustice that ever happened to me rather than choosing my battles based on what was really important.

Knowing where you want to be in life will give you all the clues you need to see what is really important.

I am now 35 years old and though I may never be concidered rich, I am financially self sufficient, self employed and semi retired.

I accomplished all that by having set goals and following through.

Even if your goal is to be live free of commitments and be able to lounge around all the time, there is a pattern for that

In the end you either see yourself as a servant/employee or you see yourself as having individual self worth.
Employees have a boss who tells them what the plan is. They follow instructions and will do so for the rest of their lives (these people are essentially sheep, herded along).
Those who trully wish to dance to their own song, work out how in advance and live with the discipline needed to get what they want.
J

Pseudointellectual lameness.

DHarbecke

Side effects of Viagra include dizziness, headache and upset stomach. Severe reactions include pointless irritability, loss of courtesy, persistent rectal constriction and continued impotence. Seek medical attention before symptoms expand to being a gutless, single-initial Internet troll.

Remember: you may be flaccid and unpleasant, but no one has to know unless you announce it.

Jason

ok, I have a bit of a challenge for you. In six months time I PLAN to go to Europe on vacation. Seven weeks before I leave I will email you the destination (which city in which country). You get that long because it takes a few weeks for a passport to process and arive in the mail.
I know becasue I did RESEARCH while PLANNING to actually go.

For example Heathrow airport London England.
(just an example not where I actually intend to go)

If you meet me there when I arrive I will pay for your round trip ticket. Go ahead and get an open ended ticket (this means you can stay as long as you like and return whenever).

Go ahead relax for the next few months… I’ll be in touch. don’t save any money (cause that would imply you planned ahead and knew of the eventual need).

By the way round trip tickets to basicly anywhere in Europe are well over 1000.00 dollars (at least).

When the time comes you will of course be at your honor to not simply borrow the money from someone else or just put it on a credit card. Even if you did, doing so would come with the PLAN of having to pay it back at some point.

This is not a joke or meant to be simply combative; I trully intend to go on vacation.
If you are interested, lets find a way to get in touch.

I would really like to see you try.

DHarbecke

I’d like to, but there’s a hitch. Now that you’ve told me what you intend, I’d have to make a conscious PLAN to ignore this message. =)

Seriously, it sounds fun, but I can’t. Married, teaching, and all that. But I promise, I’ve done the unhinged trip thing. It led to 6 months in Brazil, 2 1/2 years in Asia, and a spouse whom I first proposed to 3 days after I met her, after insisting I’d be a lifelong bachelor. We’ll have been together 10 years next year, 7 of them married.

I make you a counter-challenge. Now that you’ve done your PLANNING and RESEARCH (wow, lack of italics sucks, doesn’t it?), give someone your $1000 and have them buy a ticket somewhere you haven’t planned on. Sure, there’ll be the initial phase of “Dang, I really wanted to go THERE…” but you’d be amazed what happens when you finally accept the situation. You’re going on vacation, right? So what the hell!

I’ll take you at your word when you say you’re neither combative nor joking. Neither am I. I say sometimes naivete is a healthy thing. This isn’t at all meant to be an intellectual (pseudo or otherwise) stance, but one of “stop and smell the roses.” That’s all. And truly, it’s easier said than done.

Some of the best moments happen when you’ve gone completely off-script, if you’re of a mind to receive them. I don’t believe you should live that way all the time, though some do and get by just fine. It’s not easy, and there’s no 100% chance of success. But then again, can’t the same be said of goals?

DHarbecke

Just a reminder: note the third to the last paragraph in my article. It’s not exactly fine print – it’s just the conclusion, which says while we need goals, they’re not the end-all be-all. You simply can’t plan for some things, and when the best-laid plans turn around on you a bit of flexibility is vital.

I actually expected to get more heat than I did. It can be surprisingly difficult to relate the value of the autotelic (meaning, “a thing done for the pleasure of simply doing it”) to people who are unused to thinking in those terms.

I’ve written this elsewhere, but here’s a story related by Phil Cousineau, in his book “The Art of Pilgrimage,” in which an enthusiastic traveler meets with comparative mythologist Joseph Campbell. I hope it provides a little more insight to what I mean:

“A woman in her late thirties or early forties approached Joe [Campbell] and, speaking very rapidly, with great emotion began to outline her plan for going to Greece to ‘find the spirit of the goddess that you spoke of tonight.’ She pulled out a notebook and showed Joe her itinerary. She had made precise calculations of the best times to visit every major cultural attraction and just where and when she would make her salutations to the various deities whose statues remained. ‘Do you think I’ll find the spirit of the goddess?’”

“Joe had been staring at her while a parade of mixed emotions played over his features. Now he took her one free hand in his and with great kindness and solemnity said, ‘Dear lady, I sincerely hope that all does not go as planned.’”

“With that, he slipped on his overcoat and we left the building. Sitting in the backseat of the car on the drive home, I could barely contain my curiosity. Finally, mustering all the courage of my seventeen years, I leaned over the front seat and said, ‘Mr. Campbell, that woman who was going to Greece – why did you tell her that you hoped things did not go as planned?’ Joe paused as if trying to sort through all the encounters of the evening, and then threw back his head and laughed with a mystic’s glee.

“‘How will the gods ever find her when she has done everything in her power to make sure that they never will?!’ he exclaimed. Then, very soberly: ‘Unless you leave room for serendipity, how can the divine enter in? The beginning of the adventure of finding yourself is to lose your way!’”
Jason

actually my challenge was to the guy who said my first post was Pseudointellectual lameness.
Beyond that my only desire was to convey the idea of not being a servant or worse a blind servant.
I believe we as individuals have greater self worth than we give ourselves credit for.
There was a time in my life when I accepted what little others would give me (while taking way more for themselves) because at least it was something. With that something I could survive financially, without it….not.

The first time this really occured to me was when I worked at Burger King as a cashier. I made minimum wage so after a full day got roughly 35 dollars. I remember watching one of the managers count my till out (the cash drawer in the register). On an average day I was taking in roughly 3500$ thirtyfive hundred dollars. So for a full work day my employer was getting a thousand times more than me for the work I and the other employees were doing.
I realized that for the longest time I had allowed others to profit off my work while I took what little they would give me in return. My first step in changing this was to get a much better job. My next job was as a customer service rep working for a company that handled that service for other businesses.
Originally I thought, maybe it’s just a fast food thing. Those types of jobs have a reputation. But I was already watching and when I saw the pattern repeat it’s self again I knew the role I had taken. I was a servant and nothing more. The difference was now I wasn’t a blind servant thinking that since I had a job and maybe could get promotions that was progress.

I ask those who read this to create a plan not because it is the solution to all problems but as a beginning to self direction.

A great man once said:

Life is what happens while your making other plans.
that man was John Lennon.

I totallly agree that if you keep your head down so much that you can’t see the wonders of the world around you, you will have missed the point of living in the first place.
I just want to point out that your contributions as an individual are worth more than can possibly be expressed. If you constantly follow along never creating your own path the chances to express yourself end up being so much smaller.

I can see no other way to express such things, without a plan.
The idea isn’t to fill up your life with rules but rather to choose a destination somewhere in the future as a target and then see if you can get yourself there.
Jason

By the way I intended to get an open ended ticket myself. The idea was to go to Europe and get lost there. I am self employed work in Hollywood so a majority of my time is my own. Potentially I could be gone for like nine months without really losing anything I had set up here.

The point was the only way to be able to do a thing like that would require self direction perseverance and stability.

That is unless of course you just intended to move to Europe and essentially live there until you couldn’t make it work any more. I suppose that’s an idea too, but at some point you wouldn’t be a tourist anymore. I don’t know what you would call yourself. I do know my uncle went to Europe and stayed there for quite some time. He was able to account for himself financially long after he would have run out of money by playing guitar in restaraunts and bars. As far as I know he actuall did this a few times. Each time he would go with some money plus emergency money and a return ticket. I think the shortest trip he said lasted like nine months. The money he arrived with wouldn’t have kept him going for more than 2 or 3.

While traveling from country to country there couldn’t have been any way for him to set up work in advance so I guess this would be a great example of both your desire to not live by a plan as well as my point of not being someone elses servant.

Unfortunatly my work is more related to pre and post production cinematography so my Uncles plan wouldn’t really be for me.
I have no doubt about finding ways to get lost while there though:)
http://www.footprintsofabackpacker.com/blog Sarah

This is a really interesting and thought provoking article. I constantly find myself railing against the goal-based way of living. It’s not that I don’t believe that setting goals is important in giving you some direction as you go along, but I feel that society has a set of ‘acceptable goals’ which are forced upon you. To have a career, buy a house, get married and have children are all accepted and understood goals. But if those aren’t ideas which appeal, most others are derided as being childish or unrealistic. Maybe the long-term, larger goals can be more like dreams and future intentions while we break the smaller hopes into acheievable goals.
The small goals can get you along the year and even enhance the idea of CBL. Always wanted to bake pizzas from scratch? Make sure it’s something you do this year. Always wanted to learn a language? Set yourself the goal of starting lessons before your next birthday.
http://hatyao.wordpress.com/ Paul

I really enjoyed this article and it expresses a lot of things I have always felt, and are part of the reason why I left the US, where I feel I was constantly being told to follow someone else’s goals. I think this is the problem, really – it’s not that goals in and of themselves are bad, but if you follow some kind of societal standard of what is good and what success is, then you quite literally will not be living your own life. You’re just following some some sort of cookie-cutter standard that has been imposed upon you. I think it’s this kind of destructive programming we pick us as children and young adults that constantly tells us we are not good enough in this present moment. If we get another degree, if we get a house, a car, a spouse, some kids, then we will be good enough. But if you do all that and you get to that point, all of these things will make you their prisoner, and you’ll have some kind of Kevin Spacey/American Beauty freakout. I agree with the author that it is all about deprogramming yourself from all this garbage. If you can do this there will still be goals, but they will be unique, your own, and your intuition will guide you, rather than a ten-year plan.
Jason

I think the core idea we are taliking about is the idea of not being controlled or categorized. That no one wants to be forced to live by someone elses expectatons. I totally agree that living according to the plans others set for you will never really fulfill you the way you want. The idea that simply switching one plan for another seems like a bad idea as well. That being said here’s what I did instead.
About 15 years ago I was faced with the fact that if I wanted anything more for my life than what others would give me I had to make serious changes. I knew this would take a while so I set myself a timelimit. Originally the plan was to get a better job and elevate my living conditions. I gave myself one year to get this done. During that first year I realised the problem was bigger than not living up to my own potential. If I really wanted my life to be the way I wanted then I was going to have to make serious changes to the way I lived. I sat down and wrote out what ended up being a three year plan. At the end of that time I would be self employed have finnished college and be debt free when I was done.

That didn’t work, instead I ended up partially messing up my college transcripts and ended up homeless. So I sat back down and thought about what had happened and came to the decision that if I wanted more I would have to live with less (probably for a very long time).
Long story made short this is when I came up with the ten year plan. The idea is that at the end of the plan I would be either self employed or financially self sufficient owe no one money for anything and have a consistant place to live.
PERMANENTLY.

Currently I am on year 15 of that plan and even though it’s not perfect I do have many of the things I wanted. I am self employed have a home of my own and by the summer of 2012 will be debt free.

The idea of making a plan doesn’t mean not participating but rather living by a set of rules that when followed lead to ‘something’ in the end.

For me that means not having to listed to what others tell me to do or when to do it.

The idea that anyone can simply step out of their lives and say ‘ok world, here I am do with me what you will’ seems kinda dangerous to me.

On the other hand having a set of goals has seemed to give me a sense of direction. For instance there has been several times when I ended up homeless. Something financial would go wrong and I would be outside again. Each and every time it happened I would sit down and decide how and if the current situation would affect that long term plan. There were plenty of situations i could have handled differently (probably would have gone to jail if I did) but because I knew where I wanted to be in the long run I was able to see how the situation at hand (no matter how bad) didn’t need to affect or stall me in my attempt to get somewhere with my life.
Having a plan created standards for me to live by. Those standards kept me from real trouble and allowed me the opportunity to focus my attentions to what was trully important.

So on the one hand it’s impossible to live without interacting with others yet at the same time every one desires to live by their own standards.

So me saying you need a plan is meant more as a way for you to get more of what you want (something only you could know) but also to do it in a way that is safe and that you would be able to keep. There are plenty of get rich schemes out there. Anything worth having is gonna take some serious doing to get and keep.

Even if what you want to do is nothing, setting things up so you don’t have to would take a plan.
Jonathan

I believe what’s required is balance and harmony. Neither of these methodologies for living is wrong they each have their own merits. Any moment to any human is nothing more than just one second and that’s not a long time to enjoy life. Desire, enjoyment, plans and achievement are inextricably linked, like the Nietzsche quote highlights. This was an interesting and thought provoking article.
http://weifarer.wordpress.com/ Weifarer

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for the article. As someone who has been just successful enough to ensnare themselves in a career type job, I completely agree with you! The goals of moving to the next step in the ladder were blinders keeping me from experiencing and enjoying life. Now I’m just trying to put enough money aside so that when I quit, I’ll have a few more options than a couch. I guess you can say my goals are reoriented to quality and not quantity and have nothing to do with a bigger paycheck but a lot to do with experiencing this planet and life.

Very insightful article.
Chris

Some fitting quotes, can’t remember where I heard them

“Nothing fails like success”

“The things you own end up owning you”
http://wanderingsofatravelbug.blogspot.com Mitch

That Tolkien quote is one of my favorite. I think goals are important but they need to be flexible as well. For me life has not happened the way I expected it at all. And I don’t think I would have it any other way. If things had gone according to the original plan I never would have lived abroad and met many of the amazing people that I have. So yes I have goals but if opportunity knocks I’d like to think I’m still going to answer the door!
http://www.thetravellerworldguide.com Hogga

This can really make people rethink their life plans. Although it is good to have direction and goals you hope you accomplish, it is important to enjoy the ride and if things don’t go as planned to be open minded to change and new goals.
Terence

The title of the article is hype and BS rolled into one. Even the article’s author admitted, “To be completely honest, there’s really nothing wrong with goals. We need them, just as we need our past, to grow into fuller and richer people.” Which means he is full of dung, and wanted to write a sensational title to get people to read his work. Good job. You got me to read what you wrote. Now that I know you peddle flim-flam and chicanery, I have no intention of reading your work again.
Terence

The title of the article is hype and BS rolled into one. Even the article’s author admitted, “To be completely honest, there’s really nothing wrong with goals. We need them, just as we need our past, to grow into fuller and richer people.” Which means he is full of dung, and wanted to write a sensational title to get people to read his work. Good job. You got me to read what you wrote. Now that I know you peddle flim-flam and chicanery, I have no intention of reading your work again.

Why goal-based living will ruin your life

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