Will Practicing Buddhism Make You Self-Centered?

By Christine Garvin On January 19, 2010 · 17 Comments

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Meditation requires a lot of time spent with the self. Can this end up making a person narcissistic?

Buddhism certainly has caught fire in the West over the last couple of decades. As we face ever greater threats to our humanity, Buddhism has become, in some ways, the “go-to” religion for those searching outside the Christian values set forth in western society.

Mark Vernon, in the Guardian’s “Comment is Free” section, recently wrote about his week spent at a Buddhist meditation retreat in the UK. He outlined the process – very similar to ones I’ve experienced here in the US – of silence, sitting, walking, and eating meditations, and also work meditation. Teachers are on hand to begin and end sessions, act as helpful guides, and to intervene if a student is having issues.

Vernon espouses the importance of meditation – central to Buddhism, as most people know – for gaining insight into the idea that life is suffering, and the way to be delivered from that suffering is to accept this “noble truth” and release attachment. He grasps the importance of deepening insight in order to heal ourselves, but then he wonders about the bigger picture of possibly becoming self-absorbed:

Meditation-as-therapy flirts with narcissism when it is devoted to observing yourself, for that can lead to self-absorption and self-obsession. It’s a danger inherent in any community devoted to a particular task, though perhaps more so in one that lacks a reference point beyond the individuals taking part.

Is that what insight religions like Buddhism do? Make us more self-centered?

Is Christianity More Enlightened?

On the other hand, Vernon notes, Christianity – in theory – is about something outside of ourselves, namely God. Christians are in “service to something greater” than themselves – at minimum going and donating to the church, and at maximum living a life in service to God and others. He continues:

But I did wonder whether a God-centred spiritual practice might offer a better way to get over yourself, and in turn offer a more satisfying “therapy”.

I can see a bit of the logic from an “on paper” point-of-view, but what immediately struck me when I read about being in service to God, is that many people do this in order to get to heaven. I’m not talking about nuns or priests, or even extremely devout Christians.

But I am talking about a normal human being who follows certain rules of the religion for the purpose of, and fears around, their own salvation, and not simply because of their love of God in and of itself.

Self-Inquiry Vs. Narcissism

Besides this possibility, I also see this perspective as not seeing the whole picture. As many people who take the time to explore themselves and the “whys” of what they do often say, each of us must understand, love, and feel compassion for what is inside before we can ever truly be of service to others.

And this exploration leads to a balance or contentment that sends out a ripple effect on the world, namely through lacking the anger that so many people carry in our extremely stressed out world.

Each of us must understand, love, and feel compassion for what is inside before we can ever truly be of service to others.

I’m not trying to say that Christianity, or any other religion, cannot lead to the same insights. In fact, meditation has become (and really, always has been) a large part of several Christian sects. But to me, Buddhism teaches an “all-one” belief system that inherently requires being of service to others, but understanding that you must continue to be in service to the self at the same time.

There is no doubt in my mind that as with all things, extreme narcissism is an option – initially. But if a person really puts time into the process, they won’t end up that way. And in a world where we need each other more and more every single day, giving yourself love is an absolute necessity.

I want to leave you with a video created in celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, which was yesterday here in the states. I think these quotes describe a beautiful balance between love of self and love of others, and really, how they are no different:

Do you think spending too much time looking inside makes a person self-centered? Share your thoughts below.

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About The Author

Christine Garvin

Christine Garvin is a certified Nutrition Educator and holds a MA in Holistic Health Education. She is the founder/editor of Living Holistically...with a sense of humor and co-founder of Confronting Love. When she is not out traveling the world, she is busy writing, doing yoga, and performing hip-hop and bhangra. She also likes to pretend living in her hippie town of Fairfax, CA is like being on vacation.

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http://egeraldoberman.wordpress.com E Gerald Oberman

There is a certain selfishness and loneliness that comes inherent on any path of spiritual development. In Buddhism, one is taught to segregate the ego. To disown the “little me” and allow the less loquacious aspect of the self take charge. Leaving the needy ego to sulk alone while one meditates.

In Judeo-christian theology one is asked to disavow their neighbors in favor of those who follow similar beliefs. One is asked to dedicate an otherwise worldly life to a source of Divinity outside of the world.

In Hinduism one is given such a large myriad of gods and dieties that it becomes easy to feel insignificant; to feel as an ant wandering amongst a tribe of techno-monkeys–small and otherwise unnoticed.

In any act of self-examination and on any path of spiritual development one is tempted with Narcissus’ mirror–dared to stare too long and risk trapping one’s self in one’s own self-absorbtion.

Yet, this is an integral part of the human journey. To be tempted, to be offered apples by charismatic snakes. To be bribed with Alchemist gold and foriegn riches (both material and emotional).

It was the temptation of Christ that allowed him to transcend the boundaries of human experience–to achieve Gnosis. It was Moses’ hesitation by the fire that allowed him to choose his own path. To prove to Yaweh that he was worthy of leading a people.

Without temptation we are without choice; and, without choice we are as seeds planted in desert sand with no sight or hope of rain.

Every moment in our lives is a chance to choose narcissism or altruism; despondency or benignity.

Whether the road signs read Hindu or Christian or Buddhist or Mystic–they all offer a chance to seek something new, something loving and full of light and laugher.

Likewise the choice of negativity always looms–a reminder that nothing is certain and that every breath is a new chance; a new life to make.
Royston

Vernon’s reading of Buddhist practice is certainly interesting – kind of the antithesis of my understanding of the no-self and emptiness concepts that lie at the heart of the practice which teach that the ego is a mental construct and that all things are one. In this case, it is strange that the practice could be seen as egotistical as it moves beyond the self to a connected and interdependent understanding of life and the universe. The Mahayana, in particular, focuses explicitly on developing compassion for all living beings and many meditation practices in the Tibetan tradition focus solely relieving the suffering of others.

Meditation can be seen superficially as a form of self development but, as you say, the benefits inherent in the practice are manifold, profound and operate beyond the meditator. Wiser, more compassionate and understanding people inevitably generate more positive human interactions. The value of this should not be underestimated, especially when one considers the untold damage wrought by confused human beings on each other and the planet.
http://milesofabbie.com Abbie

I would love to try a Buddhist meditation retreat, as well as integrate meditation into my daily life. However, I like to make up the excuse that I don’t “have time” to take time for myself…
late_stranger

I follow you in that Buddhism naturally implies service to others, and I have been shocked by the apparent narcissism of Christians. Still better doing right things for the wrong reasons than the wrong things for the wrong reasons.

Excellent article!
Anne

I guess I don’t really understand the author’s contention (not you, Christine, the author you reference). One of the core beliefs of Buddhism is that there is no self, or that the self is an illusion. One of the goals of meditation is to watch thoughts as they arrive in the mind, and allow their presence and subsequent exit. From doing this, the meditator gains a profound sense of the transitory and thus illusory nature of thinking, which is very much tied to the self.

I think that when the meditator awakens to a more enlightened state, there is a deep connection to the sense that everything is part of a whole, including these bodies, the trees, and the caterpillers on the ground. Ultimately, there is a strong opening into acceptance and love.

I do practice meditation but have no fixed religion, I believe very much in the power of love, maybe also the existence of fairies, and the Buddhist concept of flow. I don’t doubt the power of Christianity to transform lives, to open one’s heart, and to allow access to a higher state of consciousness. The major difference I see between Christianity and Buddhism is the concept of “should.” While Buddhism does promote a certain lifestyle, the essence seems to be allowing and accepting this moment, right here, just as it is. Christianity, like all Abrahamic faiths, has a much stronger tie to morality and judgment.

I think that one could argue that in doing good works for others, donating money for the poor, and cooking large meals for others, some people are engaged in acts of “selfing” – or proving that they are good and devout selves. This is another form of selfishness.

True giving comes from a place of wholeness, or peace, and not from a “should,” at least I think.
http://www.greenygrey.co.uk Marc Latham

Nice article and great informative and evocative responses.

I guess what Vernon might mean is that in the process of making time to meditate on your own you may have to sacrifice time with others, or time you feel you could be working for the community, and that can seem self-centred.

But if you think the time spent meditating will make you a better person for others and the community then you might not think yourself so self-centred.
http://onceatraveler.com Turner

One interesting story I heard from the monks at Vimutti Buddhist Monastery in NZ. Once, a couple who had spent years living and studying at the monastery founded by Ajahn Chah in Thailand left and came back as “born again Christians”. They proceeded to spout doctrine and who knows what else for days during a visit, at the end of which Ajahn Chah and another Ajahn spoke:

Ajahn: “Can you believe them? I thought they were smarter than this!” (more or less)
Ajahn Chah: “Well, maybe they’re right.”

Hehe.
carlos

To study the self is to forget the self……

Carlos
vareeja

Wow, Carlos made a really insightful remark..

It’s a matter of perception..At different stages of our spiritual development everyone has a unique experience ;ONE OF A KIND, the way others perceive your experience may be different than what we are experiencing..Aloofness is there, but to call it selfish is not right in my opinion..The ultimate theory behind this is that we are all born alone free souls and when we’ll die, the all powerful soul has to leave the body and enter another one depending on our Karmas of past life..When this cycle of rebirth and death stops then we will have attained salvation! And that, is the purpose of our life, to free ourselves from all Karmas..

Thanks for the great article and great comments from everyone!
Ego

Oh, E Gerald Oberman .. Hm, it gets tiring to explain this again and again.. especially since I am not religious.
But, do some research on the religions you mentioned. I don’t mean basic research, like you surely have already done. But, read some of the scriptures of each religion. And, think of the many perspectives the scriptures can be interpreted as… some people understand scriptures literally, others metaphorically or so on and so forth… but, even literal and other interpretations can be interpreted differently… sorry, getting off topic… um, just try to get a deeper and broader understanding of religions so you can make intelligent comments about them.

For example, you might want to look more into what the various religions of “Hinduism” embody and what they sprout from. I’ll only comment on Hinduism, as I have not done in-depth research of my own on the other religions that you mentioned.

“In Hinduism one is given such a large myriad of gods and dieties that it becomes easy to feel insignificant; to feel as an ant wandering amongst a tribe of techno-monkeys–small and otherwise unnoticed.”
…..lol. Well, many of us westerners make these assumptions about the eastern/ other theologies/religions without a second thought.. and, many followers of any religion.. follow blindly through assumption or light interpretation =/

The tragedy of human history is decreasing happiness in the midst of increasing comforts.

Religion must not be considered true because it is necessary, but necessary because it is true.

Love is a consistent passion to give, not a meek persistent hope to receive.

The only demand of life is the privilege to love all.

Success or achievement is not the final goal. It is the spirit in which you act that puts the seal of beauty upon your life.

All disturbances and challenges rise not only from our relationship with others, but in our attitude to all other things and beings.

Prosperity is like wine, which goes to the head, and makes man forget his Creator.

The spirit of Advaita is not to keep away from anything, but to keep in tune with everything.

Spirituality is neither the privilege of the poor nor the luxury of the rich. It is the choice of the wise man.

Faults become thick when love is thin.

Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.

Comfort comes as a guest; lingers to become the host, and stays to enslave us.

Surrender in spite of Freedom is the way of wise men.

Sin is never in action, it is always in reaction.

In all adversities there is always in its depth, a treasure of spiritual blessings secretly hidden.

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.

It is sure to be dark if you close your eyes.

Mind alone is maya at play.

Temper takes you to Trouble, Pride keeps you there.

Remember, ‘Even This Will Pass Away’.

-Chinmayanada Swami

….Oh well.
wgf
=)
Ego

Sorry, I forgot the “n” in Chinmayananda Swami! =)
Anonymous

Most of the reason I’m atheist is due to becoming ever-more frustrated by “spiritual” types who con people, and others who think they’re “above” everyone else because they’re “more” enlightened…we only call a cult out if they pose danger to themselves or others – yet I’ve known a lot of people who do very cult-like things peacefully – but are still in cults regardless. Christians can’t seem to respect anyone else, but keep wanting to spread the word (we already know it’s available if we want it, thanks!) – and the Buddhist types I’ve known are kinda flakey, selfish, and aren’t “real” Buddhists (I also know a Buddhist Monk from Tibet – and he is the real deal – dedicated to helping others, peaceful and the height of wise, but never arrogant!). I know a Sundancer who has white skin and wants to identify as a native american for some reason. He went from rehab, to pulling skin out of his flesh in order to “give.” What’s ironic about him, is that we wanted to be paid for a fundraiser that helped the poor – cheated on his ex, told people nasty personal things about her, but goes on about how sacred his dance is, and treats those who aren’t a part of his circle like they are lacking, and he’s better than them. He doesn’t represent true Sundancers, who are wise and spiritual – anymore than Bin Laden represented true Muslims – but these “fakes” that are out there “spreading the word” have turned me right off of religion in general. If spirituality makes people pompous – I’d rather not belong!! I don’t feel that Buddhism is the only faith that attracts pompousness – the notion that Christians are somehow more giving because God is outside is a pretty strange generalization to make. I know some amazing Christians/Muslims, – people who belong to native spiritualities who give a ton of their time helping not only their own community – but the general population . I think exclusiveness can be dangerous though, as it promotes an idea that “I belong, and you do not belong” – and I like to spend my time with people who believe we all belong, regardless of ethnic, financial, spiritual background, or gender. That’s nearly impossible in this world – the only spiritual person I’ve ever known who hasn’t preached or looked down on me, is the Tibetan Monk…..(but I’m not ready to call myself a Buddhist either – because people get funny ideas.)

Live in peace, respect the people and their land, resist assimilation and converting others against their will - help out your neighbour, improve your surroundings and make the world a better place. We wouldn’t need a book of rules to follow if we respected eachother….and IF there really IS a higher power out there, I don’t think it will punish us for not knowing which book was right, and which one was wrong – nor is a higher-power concerned with whether or not we worship a name. If a higher power exists, and judges us – it will judge our daily actions, not the “logo” we belong to.
Anonymous

Most of the reason I’m atheist is due to becoming ever-more frustrated by “spiritual” types who con people, and others who think they’re “above” everyone else because they’re “more” enlightened…we only call a cult out if they pose danger to themselves or others – yet I’ve known a lot of people who do very cult-like things peacefully – but are still in cults regardless. Christians can’t seem to respect anyone else, but keep wanting to spread the word (we already know it’s available if we want it, thanks!) – and the Buddhist types I’ve known are kinda flakey, selfish, and aren’t “real” Buddhists (I also know a Buddhist Monk from Tibet – and he is the real deal – dedicated to helping others, peaceful and the height of wise, but never arrogant!). I know a Sundancer who has white skin and wants to identify as a native american for some reason. He went from rehab, to pulling skin out of his flesh in order to “give.” What’s ironic about him, is that we wanted to be paid for a fundraiser that helped the poor – cheated on his ex, told people nasty personal things about her, but goes on about how sacred his dance is, and treats those who aren’t a part of his circle like they are lacking, and he’s better than them. He doesn’t represent true Sundancers, who are wise and spiritual – anymore than Bin Laden represented true Muslims – but these “fakes” that are out there “spreading the word” have turned me right off of religion in general. If spirituality makes people pompous – I’d rather not belong!! I don’t feel that Buddhism is the only faith that attracts pompousness – the notion that Christians are somehow more giving because God is outside is a pretty strange generalization to make. I know some amazing Christians/Muslims, – people who belong to native spiritualities who give a ton of their time helping not only their own community – but the general population . I think exclusiveness can be dangerous though, as it promotes an idea that “I belong, and you do not belong” – and I like to spend my time with people who believe we all belong, regardless of ethnic, financial, spiritual background, or gender. That’s nearly impossible in this world – the only spiritual person I’ve ever known who hasn’t preached or looked down on me, is the Tibetan Monk…..(but I’m not ready to call myself a Buddhist either – because people get funny ideas.)

Live in peace, respect the people and their land, resist assimilation and converting others against their will - help out your neighbour, improve your surroundings and make the world a better place. We wouldn’t need a book of rules to follow if we respected eachother….and IF there really IS a higher power out there, I don’t think it will punish us for not knowing which book was right, and which one was wrong – nor is a higher-power concerned with whether or not we worship a name. If a higher power exists, and judges us – it will judge our daily actions, not the “logo” we belong to.
Anonymous

Most of the reason I’m atheist is due to becoming ever-more frustrated by “spiritual” types who con people, and others who think they’re “above” everyone else because they’re “more” enlightened…we only call a cult out if they pose danger to themselves or others – yet I’ve known a lot of people who do very cult-like things peacefully – but are still in cults regardless. Christians can’t seem to respect anyone else, but keep wanting to spread the word (we already know it’s available if we want it, thanks!) – and the Buddhist types I’ve known are kinda flakey, selfish, and aren’t “real” Buddhists (I also know a Buddhist Monk from Tibet – and he is the real deal – dedicated to helping others, peaceful and the height of wise, but never arrogant!). I know a Sundancer who has white skin and wants to identify as a native american for some reason. He went from rehab, to pulling skin out of his flesh in order to “give.” What’s ironic about him, is that we wanted to be paid for a fundraiser that helped the poor – cheated on his ex, told people nasty personal things about her, but goes on about how sacred his dance is, and treats those who aren’t a part of his circle like they are lacking, and he’s better than them. He doesn’t represent true Sundancers, who are wise and spiritual – anymore than Bin Laden represented true Muslims – but these “fakes” that are out there “spreading the word” have turned me right off of religion in general. If spirituality makes people pompous – I’d rather not belong!! I don’t feel that Buddhism is the only faith that attracts pompousness – the notion that Christians are somehow more giving because God is outside is a pretty strange generalization to make. I know some amazing Christians/Muslims, – people who belong to native spiritualities who give a ton of their time helping not only their own community – but the general population . I think exclusiveness can be dangerous though, as it promotes an idea that “I belong, and you do not belong” – and I like to spend my time with people who believe we all belong, regardless of ethnic, financial, spiritual background, or gender. That’s nearly impossible in this world – the only spiritual person I’ve ever known who hasn’t preached or looked down on me, is the Tibetan Monk…..(but I’m not ready to call myself a Buddhist either – because people get funny ideas.)

Live in peace, respect the people and their land, resist assimilation and converting others against their will - help out your neighbour, improve your surroundings and make the world a better place. We wouldn’t need a book of rules to follow if we respected eachother….and IF there really IS a higher power out there, I don’t think it will punish us for not knowing which book was right, and which one was wrong – nor is a higher-power concerned with whether or not we worship a name. If a higher power exists, and judges us – it will judge our daily actions, not the “logo” we belong to.

help

now, i want you to know i am not criticizing you to make myself feel better or you worse, rather to help you. it feels like you think you or your way is better than that of the people who act better than others for various reasons. you seem to think theres a right way. when that very attitude is what annoys you
help

now, i want you to know i am not criticizing you to make myself feel better or you worse, rather to help you. it feels like you think you or your way is better than that of the people who act better than others for various reasons. you seem to think theres a right way. when that very attitude is what annoys you
help

now, i want you to know i am not criticizing you to make myself feel better or you worse, rather to help you. it feels like you think you or your way is better than that of the people who act better than others for various reasons. you seem to think theres a right way. when that very attitude is what annoys you

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