The Psychic Octopus: Just Another Talented Invertebrate

Right about now, soccer fans the world over are dropping their jaws in a synchronized gasp over the unsettlingly accurate predictions of Paul the Psychic Octopus. One cephalopod has created an awe-inspiring unity across disparate societies and belief systems, the likes of which I’ve never encountered in my travels.

But for a long time, I’ve been familiar with the powers of simpler life forms, creatures unencumbered with the distraction of higher, more intelligent pursuits such as ironing underwear and finding the right ringtone.

In fact, one such creature lives in my kitchen. Vinny the Psychic Cockroach has the impressive talent of being able to predict the condition of the New York City subway system. Here is how he does it:

If Vinny runs and hides under the oven when I see him, then the subway system will suffer another setback, like a fare hike, a cut in service, or another rude subway station clerk. If Vinny stands in the middle of the floor and lets me squash him, that means that we will receive more frequent service, and maybe even a new line.

So far, that timid little insect has correctly predicted the state of New York City public transportation. Uncanny!