statement of purpose

i’ve always said this young life has been about so much more; so much more than beers and bongs, parties and clubs and hangovers and last night’s regrets. i know these things can’t be what i have to hang my hat on for the last six years and i know it can’t be what i have to look forward to for the rest of my 20s. i’d like to think that i’ve been working for a purpose, to one day look back and say i was building a better me, world, whatever it may be. i never really knew what i meant by this until now. i never really knew what i was working towards. i never really knew where this attitude was going to take me. all i ever wanted was to take in every last bit of brilliance, all the beauty this world has to offer. i knew i had to take part in something that wasn’t so momentary, something intrinsically valuable. this much was clear to me. i knew i was not meant to be just another consumer of goods and services, i wasn’t going to fall into the college degree gets you a job then you get married and have kids sequences of events. the one where you simply replace your body on this planet with a new one. yet, sometimes i felt guilty for being withdrawn when i’d separate myself from accepted activities in search of something more meaningful. but, is it wrong of me to want more out of life than it has already given? i’ve spent so much time searching for something i could sink my teeth into, is it selfish of me to feel this longing to push the limits of my grasp on this world? in every mundane moment, i romanticize about how i could be doing something more picturesque, something so much more significant. i dream up all these ways i should pass each day pulling closer to this fulfillment that may prove impossible. but, impossible is opinion and i’m going to fend of my demons by fighting for what i believe in.

all i want is everything, not in the monetary or material sense, but in an insightful, enlightened way. i want it all; every sight, every sound, every city, every love, every kiss and every touch. maybe, we should all feel this way. maybe, we should all live like this. now. i’m giving back to it to make sure other people are feeling the same way i am, or even have the opportunity to. it ties together. 

it’s weird because i never had that one crystalizing moment, i just gradually shifted my focus and starting caring more about the well being of the rest of the world. i’ve always been the person who has been very sensitive to the feelings of those around me, i think i get from my mom. but, i wasn’t sure how to care. remembering that it’s easier to kill than to care, i never thought other people’s needs would be at the very forefront of my priorities. because, when i was young, up until high school, it was more accepted to tear people down for what they weren’t rather than to love them for what they were. exclusivity was cool and when i realized how uncool it actually was, i excluded those friends of mine who had this attitude. in the back of my mind i always had the feeling the way my friends treated people was wrong, it took me until the somewhere in the midst of high school to work up the nerve to brush their influence off my shoulders. it seems insignificant to mention but, things learned from those you trust in your youth tend to stick with you for a while and are sometimes the hardest things to unlearn. i’m surprising myself with just how selfless i’ve become, how far away from the judgmental mindset i’ve shifted. i’ve arrived at this day, this blog with a dramatically different set of fundamental beliefs and an evolved thought process because of my formal and real world education. for both of these things, i am thankful.  i am now armed with an abundance of knowledge on current causes and conflicts in the world and i have no choice but take action and do my part to give hope in abundance to the depleted. i’m not content with my life, because i feel a weight on my shoulders knowing i’ve been born into a situation of liberty and others have been taken from one or never seen such circumstances. when i said i want it all, i want the unfree to be free and have a chance to live the way it seems i should. i heard a quote recently i think about everyday that fuels this feeling. it is, “if you have come here to help me you’re wasting your time. but if you’ve come here because your believe your liberation somehow bound up in mine, stay and let us walk together.” it is because i believe the human race’s sole purpose is to be pleasure seeking beings that i find human rights violations as the greatest crimes possible to be committed. 

my beliefs are now being reinforced by my changing surroundings and i feel more inclined to fight for them. my physical body has finally caught up with my consciousness on the more progressive coast. the beauty of the concerned, committed youth, eager to make a difference is breathtaking. it’s because of the people i’ve surrounded my self with these last two months that i feel so at home in these convictions. i love the hundreds of people i’ve met lately and you know who you are, thank you. that said, i know that some people, too many people are disenchanted, uninspired and unwilling to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. it kills me to know that people would rather be uninformed and look the other way to maintain their peace of mind. yet, i remain undeterred. i know deep within those who remain inactive in this generation is a significant heart, sensitive to the plight of others. they simply lack the forum to be engaged. this is another story for another time and another blog.

for myself, in order to fully realize my dreams i need to put something into this world that is both sustainable, tangible and all together original.  it has to be something people can grab a hold of and recognize the intentions with which it was created, something to remind myself and others to stand up and feel their worth. maybe it’s music and a message. maybe it’s writing blogs and dialogues. either way, i’ve found the messages i want to convey, i’m only uncertain of the medium. this is the something more i’ve been and will continue searching for, it’s the reason i romanticize. i think it’s why i’m here, i think it’s my purpose. i don’t have some huge, highly detailed scheme for how this is to happen, i’m not the type to plan things out. i’ll let the wind blow me where it will. 

again, however it comes to be, i promise it’ll be honest.