The first letter from New Zealand

Hello! (I DON’T KNOW WHY THERE ARE NO SPACES BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS, SORRY!)

About a month ago I boarded a flight out of Los Angeles heading west. I spent my last American dollars buying duty free vodka. I ate a dry sandwich on the plane. I had a stopover in Sydney. I woke up in Utopia.

New Zealand is the prettiest, cleanest, greenest, friendliest place I’ve ever been. That I’ve ever even heard of. That has ever been documented or recorded. Show me a nicer place than this, and I’m happy as Larry. (“Happy as Larry,” is a colorful Kiwi expression that I’m trying to adopt. I don’t know who Larry is or why he’s so happy, but I like it all the same.)

I’ll admit, I could perhaps be a bit biased. I did after all come here for one reason and one reason alone. His name is Dan. And considering he’s as Kiwi as they come, I’m pretty much obligated/damn determined to love it.

At first, there wasn’t much to report. Week one basically consisted of Dan and I gazing into each other’s eyes, murmuring how glad we are to finally be together, repeat. We did get into a car crash twenty minutes after leaving the Wellington airport, but even that couldn’t dampen our high spirits. (No one was hurt except Dan’s car, which he affectionately called “The Rattler.” It is completely totaled. Dan has been skate boarding to work and I have been doing this strange thing to get around town that non-Americans call “walking.”)

So after our crash we headed into Wellington to get to know our new city. It’s brilliant! There are gorgeous views, amazing little cafes, funky shops and a general just cool vibe to the city. We really like our flatmates as well. There’s Dave, a British guy that works for Air New Zealand (no flight hook ups, I’ve already asked), Martine, a Dutch girl, Emily, an accountant, and Abby, a fire twirler. Yep, fire twirler. I love her.

Even though I’ve been here almost two months now, I only feel like I’m just getting settled in because we did so much traveling right off the bat. We were away almost every weekend and then it was the holidays.

Christmas with Dan and his family was absolutely lovely. I went with his mom, Jean, and sister, Lara, to a Christmas Eve midnight mass in Havelock, their tiny local township (they actually call them “townships.” Cute!). It was the first time I ever stayed awake for a whole mass, due in part because the priest acted out the story of Jesus’ birth for a good twenty minutes, costumes and all. With himself as all the characters. Very entertaining.

Christmas day we opened presents, went down to the beach, then had a traditional dinner with a turkey and ham. Then we all played Cranium and watched “Love Actually.” The next day we went out with a group of Dan’s mates to dive for scallops. Well, I didn’t dive, I just stayed inside the boat as they all suited up and went under. Then it started hailing. So it was just me and Hippie Jeff (the owner/resident of the boat) huddling together, waiting for the boys to surface. When they finally did, Hippie Jeff convinced me to eat a live scallop, right from its shell and still beating. It was very slimy.

That night we met all the boys from the day’s dive at the local pub because an Irish guy Dan and his best friend, Jason, traveled Australia with was in town. Wow, that was an awkward sentence I don’t feel like correcting. By pub I mean Jason’s family owns it and so you just walk behind the bar and pour yourself a drink, and by Irish guy I mean his name is actually, honestly, Patty.

New Year’s Eve was spent at a four-day music festival called PHAT 08. It’s held in a little valley in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. It’s kinda like a best-kept secret. You have to take this random one lane country road to get there, and all of a sudden you come upon 5,000 young people camping, playing in a river during the day and partying at night. It was epic.

We were a bit hazy leaving PHAT but still managed to squeeze in a whirlwind trip of the south island. In the course of three days we managed to see all of the south island’s major sites, bumping along in Dan’s brother’s van that cut out when we went above 60 mph. Some of the highlights were seeing Fox Glacier, an icy glacier literally in the middle of the rainforest, having dinner in Queenstown where bungy jumping was ‘invented’ (“Oi, Mick, do ya dare me to skull this beer then jump off this bridge with a rope around my jandals?”), having the most perfect sunny day Milford Sound has seen in years, and chasing penguins on the beach in Dunedin where Dan went to university. The trip really made me realize what New Zealand is all about: dramatic scenery that’s impossibly diverse from one mile to the next, crappy vehicles that have been deemed unsafe in both Europe and Asia, good food good wine and good people, and shit loads of sheep.

Now we’re back at our flat, have a car that Dan’s sister has loaned us that cuts out above 60 mph, and are getting into the swing of life in Wellington.

Here are a few other, random funny things that have happened:

-About my second week here we were looking for a sixth flatmate so people were coming around to check out the room. Now, I wasn’t here when this happened, but apparently one guy that Martine was showing around got to me and Dan’s bedroom door (where I have up pictures of us in costumes over the years; Dan in a Mexican wrestling costume and as an “emo kid,” me in a seventies roller skating jumpsuit and in my Elvis outfit). Apparently the guy looked at the pictures and said, “Well, she sure is a show pony!” The funny thing is, if he would have known me he would know that’s actually kinda a compliment. So in conclusion, I’m now known as “the American show pony.” He didn’t get the room.

-Dan has decided he’ll know I’m homesick when I go to Starbucks. There are five Starbucks’ in Wellington. I haven’t caved yet.

-The first weekend I was in NZ there was an exhibition game of the Wellington soccer team against the L.A. Galaxy, a.k.a. the team David Beckham is on. A few of Dan’s friends went to the game and apparently Beckham scored or fouled or something and the crowd started up a chant of “Yanks these days! Yanks these days!” Now it’s my good fortune that they’ve applied the use of this mantra to anything having to do with Erin. When we’re out at the bars and I suggest we go somewhere else: “Yanks these days! Yanks these days!” When I fall, every time without exception, for the outlandish claims they tell me about New Zealand-that the islands are man made, that the giant birds called ‘moas’ from pre-historic times still roam the south island-I hear: “Yanks these days! Yanks these days!” What fun.

-And this is just awesomely unbelievable: I’m strolling along the street one evening and see a sign that says ‘MERMAIDS’ and below it ‘massage parlour.’ If you know me you know I love mermaids and also how much I love to get a good massage, so you can imagine how much I wanted to go to this apparent health spa. Then one of Dan’s mates explained to me that not only does “mermaid” mean exotic dancer and “massage parlour” means a whole lot more than just Swedish deep tissue, there’s also a giant tank the strippers/prostitutes get in and swim around nude. Apparently they wear giant snorkel masks and a fishtail. And. You. Can. Throw. Change. At. Them. How amazing is that?

-I’m also trying to pick up New Zealanders’ way of saying “Hey” as in, “Hey, you.” They say “Oi” instead. I like that! Kiwis manage to make everything sound more charming with their mix of British, Aussie, and American slang. An ice chest is called a “chili bin.” Getting drunk is “getting boozey.” Going out to clubs is “getting into mischief.” There are so many quirky little sayings that are just music to my American ears.

And so these days we’re settling into life in Wellington. It’s very nearly a perfect city. Located on a harbour, surrounded by picturesque hills, all the nightlife and activities concentrated in one area, countless cool cafes to explore…I’m loving it. I went for a job interview the other day at Matterhorn, an upscale bar and restaurant where Dan’s friend is the manager. I rock into the interview confident and casual, little do I know Matterhorn has been voted best bar in New Zealand the last three years and an Aussie magazine even chose it as one of the top five best bars in the world! Don’t really know how you can possibly determine such a thing, but still! Hopefully I’ll start picking up a few shifts a week and can meet people and make some extra cash.

That’s it for now, but I will be back soon with more (mis)adventures!