Strange Things I Learned in OZ….

By nomadicmatt On April 22, 2008 · 6 Comments

Tweet

Men there like mullets. Mullets of all types. No one else likes them
but Aussie men and all classes of Aussie men. I can’t figure out why
but for some reason, Aussie men love the mullet, which is fine, because
I like laughing at them so it is a win win situation.

The
Chasers War on Everything is one of the best things Aussies have on
television. It’s a political comedy show that really rips into their
politicians.

A bottle of water is 3 dollars.

They aren’t called operating hours but trading hours.

And,
for some reason, businesses stop “Trading” around 6 pm. I know Aussies
love to be slackers but why close a store at 6? What about the after
work people? This is true for not only small towns but also big cities
like Sydney. I tried going shopping at 7 to find everything closed!

Aussies love to gamble. There are casinos everywhere!!!!! I love to gamble. That’s a bad combination.

Flip flips are thongs and thongs are g-strings and g-stings are g-strings.

The Gold Coast is a lot like Florida.

Aussies like to drink. A lot. They drink all the time. Except they don’t drink Foster’s because that is Australian for shit.

They
have tough drinking laws, and given what I said above, I found it a
weird paradox. They tax the crap out of drinks. (A 6 pack of beer is
between 12-18 dollars) They can pull you over and give you random
breathalyser tests (and drug tests for that matter too) and you really
can’t say no. They have what is essentially a one strike and your out
policy too. Weird huh?

Burger King is called Hungry Jack’s.

They eat a lot of fish and chips. and sometimes Kangaroo.

And a lot of (bad) Asian food.

East Coast Aussies hate Aborigines.

The Outback ones tend to have more understanding.

Aborigines got the shaft worse than natives in North America.

Someone from Queensland is called a banana bender. Someone from New South Wales is called a cockroach.

Castle, a movie about red neck Aussies, is a must must see.

Perth is the other side of the world to most Aussies and everyone wants to go there.

If
you get pulled over in Australia, you get out of the car and go over
and chat with the police. They don’t come to you, nor will the shoot
you the second you step out of the vehicle. The exact opposite from the
states. Be warned- stay in your car here. Over there, the cops take it
as an insult!

Don’t insult rugby or cricket.

When it’s all said and done, Australia is just like America and hence, I was a little disappointed.

Western
Australia is the place I pictured OZ to be- outback, cool cities, and
endless deserted beaches. Australia has over 36,000 km of coast line.

6 responses to Strange Things I Learned in OZ….

blufindr said on June 4, 2009

Ay, I agree with this.

While it is true that in some parts of Australia, there is less tolerance for Indigenous Australians than others (in the north, for example), there are very few (if any) places that outright hate them. And yes, tis the bogans and such that have more issue with Aborigines than city slickers.

Supermarkets in Melbourne are generally open to around midnight. Yes, pretty much everything else closes up around 6, but those people gotta go home to chill too.

Generally, at the moment, we have more booze buses than we do random breathalyser tests. But I’m happy with that, as long as it gets the DUIs off the road.

And if you do a bit of searching, you won’t have to pay any more than $1/bottle for water.
Neha Puntambekar said on June 15, 2008

Lol! Hilarious and provocative – the perfect combination, especially if you’re looking at boosting the bank account! And yeah, NEVER insult cricket
afihavok said on April 23, 2008

“East Coast Aussies hate Aborigines.”

Whoa, dude. That’s completely and utterly racist [not to mention insulting], and not everyone over here is as backward as Americans assume we are! But by the same token:
“The Outback ones tend to have more understanding.”, as a general rule, people in the country have a far greater problem with being racist than we do in the cities.

Also, supermarkets etc are open until about 9 on weekdays, clothing stores and the like are generally only open for late trading on Thursday or Friday nights.

And I don’t really find our drinking laws all that strange; it certainly alleviates the amount of drunk drivers we have on our streets. To be honest, I’d feel far safer having the cops pull you over for a breathalyser than to think I’m driving around with trashed idiots everywhere. Oh, and the cops really don’t like it if you get out of the car before they ask you to.

Just a few things to think about, you made some pretty judgemental comments there. Oh, and if you’re paying $3 for a water, you’re either buying water produced for gullible morons, or just got ripped off. Ha!
Nora Dunn said on April 23, 2008

On my way to Oz very shortly….thanks for the head’s up! I’ll have to prepare myself for the mullet. Sheesh.

Great article! Very funny.

Did you learn not to insult rugby or cricket the hard way?
Matthew Kepnes said on April 23, 2008

Thanks! But I still think a suburned country is a good chose!
Tim Patterson said on April 23, 2008

Hilarious, provocative, insightful – you give Sunburned Country Bill Bryson a run for his money.

Argentine men rock the mullet too.

Loved this bit best:

“Aussies like to drink. A lot. They drink all the time. Except they don’t drink Foster’s because that is Australian for shit.”