Of new promises and one big realization

First up, I have a confession to make. I haven’t written anything in the last three months. And I call myself a writer. That doesn’t seem to add up.

Here’s the thing though. 2012 was a good year for me, writing-wise. At the beginning of the year I had only just started to find my way within the world of freelance writing. I was still shaky (this is not to say that I am on absolute firm footing now but let’s just say that the ground isn’t that shaky anymore.) Coming back to early 2012, I was nervous at the prospect of putting my work and myself out there, for people to read and judge.

As it turned out- it wasn’t too bad. In fact, it was reasonably good. I achieved all the goals that I had set for myself like finishing the Travel Writing course from Matador University, getting some articles published (got around 10), setting up a new blog and improving the standard of my writing, overall.

Then, towards the end of the year, I left the United States to go back home to India. At this point, I imposed upon myself a kind of hiatus- partly because I didn’t feel like I had the mindset to write anything and partly because I was too busy ‘living’ to bother about constantly expressing myself.

But now, I am back. Back in the United States. Back to my life in Kansas. Away from family and friends or any kind of social interaction for that matter. In fact as I write this, I am sitting in exactly the same spot that I did right through Jan to Oct last year for three hours, four times a week, week after week. For the uninitiated, this spot is a corner table at McDonald’s café on the corner of Santa Fe and North Mur Len road. I’ve been coming here for almost a year now spending the hours and using their Wi-Fi while my daughter attends classes at her centre nearby.

Much as this sounds like a dreary existence, it really isn’t. And that’s a realization that came to me recently. Almost like a moment of truth. An epiphany of sorts.

In a lot of ways as a writer or as someone who wants to write, this isolation, this forced removal from a life of constant social meddling (something that comes as part and parcel of life back home in India), this space that I get when I am here, is crucial. It gives me time to gather my thoughts, spend uninterrupted time composing my drafts and clearly when I look back, almost all the work that I have produced successfully in the last year has been written from this one location.

And that can’t be bad. By any standard, whatsoever.

That’s a rejuvenating thought. It’s a happy thought. Something that makes me look at my surroundings differently.And that great!

So the question is- where do I go from here? What now?

I have the answer to that- to more regular writing. At the beginning of 2013 I promised myself that I would be writing everyday. That seems like an uphill task at the moment. So, I have made a slight modification to the resolution (as we do!). I will write at least every other day.

About anything. And everything. About my life here. About my life gone by. About crap. About whatever. But I will.

And hope as hell that somebody reads it. But even if no one does, I will carry on. I’ll carry on with this one thought from Mary Angelou in my head-

‘There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.’

Cause it’s an agony I’m not willing to bear. It’s a burden I’m not willing to carry.

also on my website-www.roadiswheretheheartis.com