A trivial topic: maybe. Nevertheless, it is a matter that has come to both surprise and trouble me over my recent weeks exploring the breadth and depth of Middle Earth. A little naïve on my part, perhaps, but I wasn’t aware that Kiwi women were in contention for winning such a title. After all, they are blessed to reside in one of the World’s most naturally beautiful countries so why not, I guess, let their armpits follow such an essence.
This striking revelation occurred after having unwisely chosen my seat on a boat traveling through New Zealand’s Marlborough Sounds. Squatting next to a woman with a small forest poking out from each pit, I was supplied with an overwhelming waft of stale sweat with each slight movement of her arm, annoyingly, diverting my attention from the beauty surrounding me. Since this day there has been frequent sightings of scary female pits that have disgruntled me.
I understand that we all have out hygiene faux pas; skipping the odd shower or falling asleep without the accustomed late night toothbrush, for example, these can be forgiven, But unshaven pits is one-step too far, for me. As a religious shaver, maybe I will never understand the reasons behind the humble look, even if it men do find it sexy.
Yes, it’s true, they do. The armpits are one of two spots on the body, both male and female, that emits sexual pheromones, furtive scents that draw you to an individual. Armpit hair has the sole purpose of retaining odour thus increasing the amount of sexual pheromones being released.
So, these women are nurturing their hair to make themselves more desirable to the opposite sex; how sneaky! After all, it didn’t appear to put men off the beautiful Julia Roberts when her infamous ‘armpit’ photo was splashed across the media. Sporting a pair of bulging pits, matched with a cocktail dress, men still adored her. However, we can breath a sigh of relieve that this is one celebrity cult that didn’t catch on.
Nevertheless, I can hear you crying, what about the European’s? And rightly so, the continent is renowned for being home to the women with the World’s hairiest underarms. It is not unusual for many European women to retain their underarm hair due to, what some say, their more candid approach to female sexuality. Despite this, from my recent experiences, I remain confident that the Kiwi’s pip them to the post.
So the next time you’re in New Zealand, Europe or any other country in fact, please be on armpit watch. Who knows what devilish delights these women are hiding in the midst of their hairy underarms. Most likely, just some unsavory smells, but you may be lucky enough to uncover further secrets of the female axillia