The 10 Commandments of Living in Wisconsin

Thou shalt be a proud Cheesehead.

You will bleed Green and Gold and it is not possible for you to be a fan of any other sports team but the Green Bay Packers. Unless it is the Badgers. The Badgers are allowed.

Thou shalt vacation in Wisconsin Dells apres­kids.

Door County with its wineries and cherry orchards might have been your destination of choice when you’re young and carefree, but it is the Wisconsin Dells you’ll head to in your fully­stacked minivan when your posterity arrives. Once there, do remember that a water park is actually fun, even if it’s an indoors wet and wild kind of fun. You must also embrace the tackiness of the numerous Dells’ attractions such as the Ducks rides and Wisconsin’s own Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.

Thou shalt frequent supper clubs.

Just like your great­grandparents did during the Prohibition, you must visit these out­of­the­way backroad institutions where, amidst the stately dark wood-paneled setting, you will be treated to incredibly large amounts of home­style cooked heavy foods and copious servings of brandy Old Fashioneds.

Thou shalt not take deer hunting lightly.

The deer hunting season opening day is to be celebrated as a national holiday. Every year in the Fall, you and hundreds of thousands of other Wisconsinites shall hit the road and head to the nearest forest in search of deer, which you will then proudly display, hoofs up, in the back of your pickup trucks. Camouflage gear is mandatory and it is encouraged as daily wear outside of the hunting season.

Thou shalt deep fry your food.

Everything tastes better deep­fried, including those squeaky cheese curds, nuclear­resistant twinkies, cookie dough and naturally, pickles. But you especially favor the good ol’ deep­fried Old Fashioned, don’t you?

Thou shalt make fun of Minnesotans.

Or at the very least, ignore them in a true passive­aggressive fashion that you have perfected into an art form. And you must never, ever say the “V” word out loud.

Thou shalt be proud of Wisconsin cheese.

Especially if you’re from the South of the state, there is no escaping your cheese obsession, complete with building a full­on cheese castle and eating a cheese byproduct, the squeaky rubbery fresh or­­you guessed it­­deep fried cheese curd.

And most importantly,

Thou shalt love beer.

In your beer fridge, you must keep a selection of fine Wisconsin beers at all times: a PBR, a Spotted Cow, a Lakefront Ale, and at the very least, a six pack of Leinies.