16 of the worst inventions ever
There’s a solution to every “problem.”
1. Wearable Tent
Because when you’re hiking and you need to make an emergency overnight stop, the wearable tent is the piece of apparel which might just save your life. Who cares if it’s shapeless and gives you hips wide enough to birth a hippo? If you need a nap, just plunk down in the middle of the trail and snooze away!
2. Hair in a Can
Trust me on this one, guys – a receding hairline is okay. Spraying fake hair onto your balding melon of a head is not okay. Especially when the spray-painted hair looks like a wet shag carpet covered in dog feces.
3. Phone Fingers
I don’t know about you, but I despise having fingerprints all over my phone. I mean, it’s not my current lack of income, sick family members or inability to travel that’s getting me down. My real problem is a dirty iPhone screen.
Fortunately, an Australian company decided to cash in on this pesky problem by developing latex coverings for your fingers. Finger condoms, if you will. They come in different colors (pink for the ladies!), and damn, won’t you look cool wearing these babies around town?
Don’t know the size of your fingers? No worries, the company has developed a sizing chart. I know what you’re thinking – great, another body extension for men to compete with in sizes.
We’ve already discussed this one on Life, but it warrants another mention. Men, it’s time you knew what it feels like every month for the millions of women who suffer through painful period cramps. Yes, you too can have your very own period!*
*Tampons sold separately.
5. Anti-Eating Face Mask
Great for the sadist on your shopping list, this invention is perfect for the holidays. I even considered purchasing one myself! Curb those insane cravings by wearing this muzzle/clamp/torture device over your face to prevent binge eating and general lack of will-power. You don’t have to fight this one alone, my friend. The Anti-Eating Face Mask can help.
6. Kitty Wigs
Cats. Wearing wigs. Electric blue and bright violet wigs, posing in various forms. Their selling slogan is “The Enchanting World of Kitty Wigs.” My roommate Matt and I went into fits of laughter when browsing the site; we had never seen such a delightful display of kitty creativity. My favourite was the grey cat looking rather stern and grandmotherly in a blonde wig.
Matt then immediately ordered the book for his cat-crazy girlfriend as her Christmas present… so hey, I guess it works.
7. To-Do Tattoo
Yes, in an effort to double the time it takes for you to scrawl a message on the back of your hand, you can first tattoo the stationery to your hand, and THEN write out your list. Once complete, you can scratch it off your handy to-do list. Pun intended.