I’ve had a rather different experience from you. I was raised around open relationships, and many of my friends are the children of successful 20-30-even 40 year polyamorous relationships. It can be done, you just have to have open communication and make sure everyone’s on the same page and getting what they want and need.

I want you to know that a person can be confident, independent and in love and be allowed to expect monogamy. You have the right to, and you are good enough, to deserve physical loyalty from a partner. You don’t have to give free access below the belt to keep someone. It is the *more* confident person who will take that leap of faith with a partner and expect monogamy…and when you no longer fear failure (as an individual, not as part of a couple), you really WILL start to succeed with your intended partner.

I’ve never known a couple in an open relationship who is still together after five years, who has not “gone monogomous” at some point. Someone inevitably wants more. However, there are all kinds of couples in this world, all equally valid. Usually the more successful open relationships are initiated by bisexual females. The men are intrigued and more than happy to comply, especially given their newfound freedom. Personally, I think that’s great. But someone in the couple will eventually get tired of it. I’m in my 40′s now. I’ve seen it again and again, so I’m just sayin’.

So I’m pointing out that while it seems great (and it probably is), it usually doesn’t last forever. Enjoy it while you’re young!

I’m sorry you found this article to be not quite what you expected, and perhaps we can do another article in this series later on dealing with long distance relationships. It is a topic, I think, many aside from yourself would like to hear more about.

But I do disagree that a discussion on open relationships is inappropriate for this forum, which is exactly why we chose to publish this article. As editor of this section of Matador, I included this article as one possible choice a person can make. It shows that this particular choice is possible IF you are honest and maintain open communication. Two things that are essential for any relationship.

I don’t believe Kelsey was trying to sneak any particular agenda into her writing. If anything, I think she is trying to play down the role outside relationships play in her relationship with her current boyfriend. Because ultimately, he is her primary relationship, and that is where her focus goes.

If you’d like to talk more about long distance relationships or other potential discussions for this series, please feel free to contact me. leigh@matadornetwork.com

Your article’s main point isn’t how to make a long-distance relationship work. Rather, you’re arguing the point that having an open relationship does not damage a loving relationship and, in fact, aids in maintaining your relationship, which is a point I feel many people, including myself, will disagree with.

This isn’t a travel article. It had no meaningful insight as to how travel impacts a romantic relationship, nor did it discuss ways to make the separation a little less painful. This was just a chance for you to express your opinions about open relationships, and this is not the correct forum to do such a thing.

My current boyfriend and I have had the discussion a couple of times and have ended at the conclusion that no matter how many different ways he thinks of it, he would never be comfortable with me or him sleeping with other people while dating each other or if I were traveling (travel is one of my top 2 massively deep passions in life, and is on the bottom of the list of things he wants to do). I’ve explained my views on it, which run perfectly parallel to yours, but he can’t wrap his head around it and I wouldn’t want to push it too much because I think eventually he would just break down and say “yes” as not to “hold me back,” but inside he would have a big problem with it for the rest of our relationship.

I wish we could look past the innate desire for possession of another person, the fear-driven need to bind them to ourselves alone and not share them for risk of losing them. I wish more people could be open to and understand your views on it, but alas we’re definitely attachment-freaks. I don’t have any real desire to be with someone else but the idea that it’s him or them, that I “can’t” do it without breaking his heart and ruining the relationship, is something new and a little scary to me. But sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with, right?

Thanks for this article, it made me think and smile! It’s lovely to read your story because my boyfriend of a year and a half and I are very much in love and have been pretty much since day one, but he really has no aspiration to travel when it’s all I want to do, so it’s nice to find someone in the same boat who can make it work so well. That’s what I’m hoping and trying for! I wish you guys all the love in the world and keep up your writing!

I genuinely feel that one of the reasons that our relationship is so good is that we’re not afraid of it ending. If it ends, it ends, and it was good while it lasted. If it lasts, it lasts, and that’s great. To become too attached is unhealthy (think of all those couples you see who end up becoming one person in two bodies, each resenting the other for changing them), and really, we have found that when you let go is when you really have the freedom to love someone for who they are.

It seams as if you have perfected this, no fear of failure or a break up.