1. Say that NoVA sucks.
Yes, we’ll admit that a large portion of Northern Virginians spend most of their time chasing paper and running the far-reaching powers of the government, but NoVA is much more than that. This happens to be a unique area in the eastern United States where you can live in the country and still maintain career ambitions in a big city. What’s wrong with that?
Most people who live in NoVA resent the traffic and do everything they can to escape to the countryside as often as possible. Besides, do you really want to insult people who started the internet, work at the Pentagon, and have the highest income per capita of almost anywhere in the country?
Worst case-scenario, you’ll get detained by the CIA and disappear forever.