It can’t be easy being Justin Bieber. That super-abundance of raw, unique talent, all those adoring fans (or “beliebers”), the ill-timed eruptions of acne when the hormone suppressant therapy starts to wear off. And, recently, being hated on by half the Internet.
The comments section of his YouTube videos were hacked last weekend, redirecting viewers to porn sites or opening pop-ups saying he’d died in a car crash. According to the BBC, there was also a campaign to push the search “Justin Bieber syphilis” to the top of Google Trend’s Hot Searches list.
For those of you who aren’t quite sure who Justin Bieber is, check out this YouTube video. Prodigious. Talent.
The latest episode of the Bieber cult soap opera was all set to take place in North Korea. This BBC article claims a competition on Bieber’s My World Tour Page asked people to vote on which country he should tour next. Imageboard site 4chan got hold of this and encouraged people to vote for North Korea. It went viral, and hundreds of thousands of votes were submitted in favour of sending him to the People’s Republic.
The article is pretty funny, containing dry observations such as:
It is not known if Kim Jong-il is a fan of Justin Bieber’s music.
Problem is, they didn’t check their facts properly. The competition wasn’t on Bieber’s website, but on a spoof site called Faxo. Needless to say, it wasn’t endorsed by Bieber or his record label. (The BBC have since printed a correction.)
Which means that even though 659,141 people voted to send Justin Bieber to tour North Korea, sadly he won’t be going.
Which is a shame, because the newspaper headlines would have been brilliant:
Justin Bieber commissioned to write new North Korean national anthem.
Teen singer Bieber performs to packed crowd of 11 at North Korea’s only disco.
North Korean dictator’s latest blood transfusion to come from young virgin Bieber.
Jong-il ditches Hennessy Brandy, becomes world’s largest importer of Coca-cola Zero.
Peace talks between North and South Korea open with Justin Bieber’s cover of Yellow Submarine.
I’d love for Justin Bieber to tour North Korea. It would be a kind of Worst-of-West vs Worst-of-East Death Match. Who knows, maybe he’d even come back a true belieber.
Where would you send Justin Bieber if you got the chance? Let us know in the comments below. Extra karma if you include a newspaper headline of your own.
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Nick lived in Egypt for six years, working as a tour leader, EFL teacher, city guide editor, and online guidebook writer. He's currently in San Francisco searching for his centre. He (kinda sporadically) blogs at Delicious Chaos, and you can follow him on twitter.