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Food and sex compliment each other, but some people are taking the combination to a whole new level of weird.

Food sex immediately brings to mind strawberries dipped in chocolate, flavored body paint and whipped cream. Sometimes mayonnaise and cold cut meats. No? Just me?

But there are a few questionable examples of food and sex combinations that leave me wondering how people make these discoveries in the first place.

Semen as the main ingredient

There’s a whole cookbook dedicated to cooking with semen. The description says that semen is nutritious, has a great texture, and is “commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.”

“Pan full of manjuice.” Photo by dogbomb

The book covers drink, desserts, appetizers, sauces, and main courses. This means you could host your very own ejaculate dinner party, with Man Made Oysters to start, Roasted Lamb with Good Gravy for the main dish, and top it all off with Creamy Cum Crepes.

Bonus: invite guests over early to “lend a hand” with dinner preparations.

Placenta lasagne, anyone?

Placenta recipes relate more to what happens as a result of sex. It’s practically a delicacy – how often do you get to eat your own placenta, the mass which connects your baby to your uterus? Put a little salt on that thing, pepper to taste, and voila. First class meal.

Or why not try a placenta cocktail? Take a ¼ cup of fresh placenta, some V-8 juice, two ice cubes and ½ cup of carrots, throw it all in a blender and blend at high speed for 10 seconds.

There’s also placenta spaghetti bolognese, and roast placenta.

Semen is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.

Or instead of cooking it, you can dehydrate your placenta and just add it to any meal.

Simply cut off the chord and membranes, steam the placenta, and add lemon grass, pepper and ginger to the water. Test if it’s done by piercing it with a fork: if it doesn’t bleed, it’s good. Then cut it up, and bake at low heat until it’s dry and crumbly. You can then crush it into a powder, if desired.

Your mouth is watering, isn’t it?

This is a photo caption with a phil denton

Chocolate vaginae

Moulding a chocolate vagina might just be the best way to express love for your vagina, or your partner’s vagina. Did anyone else not realize that the plural of vagina is “vaginae”? Thanks, Twitter followers, for looking that one up.

The kit comes with everything needed, just add water! Plus everything’s been medically tested, and it’s “completely safe for the novice moulder.” Perhaps the more experienced moulder would prefer a complex recipe, dress it up a bit with sauces and candy.

There’s no description of the directions though, but the site stresses that it’s strictly for the outer portion of the vagina.

Ladies, nothing speaks romance like having your man unwrap a giftbox containing your carefully placed chocolate vagina.

Community Connection

For more chocolate romance, check out these gourmet creations, or learn why sushi is the perfect foreplay food.

Recipes Humor

 

About The Author

Candice Walsh

Candice Walsh is a Professional Experience Collector and full-time writer, blogger, and inventor of job titles that don't make much sense. She's based out of St. John's, Newfoundland. Follow her website for more shenanigans.

  • http://carlo-alcos.com Carlo

    “Bonus: invite guests over early to “lend a hand” with dinner preparations.” I actually did LOL (I rarely LOL while reading)…

    • Candice Walsh

      Hah! Thanks, Carlo.

  • http://www.expatheather.com Heather

    Wow. I’m sorry but none of these would get me in the mood….especially number 2.

    And umm mayonnaise and cold cuts?

    • Candice Walsh

      Don’t pretend you don’t like it.

  • http://www.roadtripsforbeer.com Gerard

    Laughing and stifling gag reflex at the same time! A new sensation for me.

  • http://Sarah-park.com Sarah

    I’m not even gonna pretend I’m not intrigued by the possibility of making a chocolate mold of my vagina. For purely scientific reasons, of course.

  • Maggie

    BAHAHAHAHAH. classic. thanks for this. ;D

  • http://cerusso.blogspot.com Russo

    Definitely an interesting read…can’t say I’d try the first two, but I wouldn’t be mad if I received a chocolate mold from a special someone.

    This is worthy of a Bizarre Foods episode, haha.

  • http://alainarose.wordpress.com Alaina

    “Pan full of manjuice” photo is grossing me out, whoooa

  • Adam Roy

    Oh wow. Interesting. Wouldn’t eat it. But interesting.

  • http://twenty-somethingtravel.com Stephanie

    Man, I was really rooting for Vaginii

  • http://findcheapbargains.com Brian

    Well it’s the most unique article I have ever read at Matador. Some reason the placenta thing was the only gross out for me, though. The pan full of man juice kinda looked like grits (southern delicacy if you don’t know what grits are).

  • http://www.thejetpacker.com The Jetpacker

    Some restaurants serve dishes made with breast milk. Sounds weird, but I guess it makes considering we drink breast milk from animals.

    • Candice Walsh

      I’d like to know who harvests that sorta thing.

      • http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

        THere are breast milk banks. I think people who overproduce or any other number of reasons can donate. I believe there’s a relatively strict screening process to donate as well.

        Yep. This is the sort of thing they pay me the big bucks to know.

        I would, however, also love to know what’s in that pan.

  • Candice Walsh

    @Gerard: I appreciate your help in my research!

    @Sarah: I absolutely wouldn’t turn down a kit.

    @Maggie: You’re welcome!

    @Russo: Perhaps because that one isn’t made with body fluids.

    @Alaina: Yeah, we’re really not sure what that is.

    @Adam: It’d take a lot of money for me to try that stuff.

    @Stephanie: That one is SO much more fun to say.

    @Brian: That’s what grits look like? Also, I don’t think it’s actually manjuice, but I have no idea what it is.

  • http://www.travelswithtwo.com Melanie@TravelsWithTwo

    Is a group dinner party really the best place to be sharing semen and placenta dishes? Shouldn’t you just prepare them for the one person most likely to still speak to you when the meal is, um…spent? :)

  • Linda

    Is there an abbreviation for sawing “Ewww. EW!” out loud? EOL?

  • http://annemerritt.blogspot.com Anne

    Is that panful of manjuice the real deal? I’m queasy, but laughing. Candice’s writing is funny as always.

  • Che

    I found this article very quirky. lol
    I love it. I have seen chocolate penises. But never vaginas.

  • Heather

    As a southerner, I’d just like to say hell no, that’s not what grits look like! I don’t know what that’s a picture of. Tapioca? Condensed milk? *gag*

    Anyway, thank you for the opportunity to read something very gross and funny at the same time.

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