Food sex immediately brings to mind strawberries dipped in chocolate, flavored body paint and whipped cream. Sometimes mayonnaise and cold cut meats. No? Just me?
But there are a few questionable examples of food and sex combinations that leave me wondering how people make these discoveries in the first place.
Semen as the main ingredient
There’s a whole cookbook dedicated to cooking with semen. The description says that semen is nutritious, has a great texture, and is “commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.”
The book covers drink, desserts, appetizers, sauces, and main courses. This means you could host your very own ejaculate dinner party, with Man Made Oysters to start, Roasted Lamb with Good Gravy for the main dish, and top it all off with Creamy Cum Crepes.
Bonus: invite guests over early to “lend a hand” with dinner preparations.
Placenta lasagne, anyone?
Placenta recipes relate more to what happens as a result of sex. It’s practically a delicacy – how often do you get to eat your own placenta, the mass which connects your baby to your uterus? Put a little salt on that thing, pepper to taste, and voila. First class meal.
Or why not try a placenta cocktail? Take a ¼ cup of fresh placenta, some V-8 juice, two ice cubes and ½ cup of carrots, throw it all in a blender and blend at high speed for 10 seconds.
There’s also placenta spaghetti bolognese, and roast placenta.
Or instead of cooking it, you can dehydrate your placenta and just add it to any meal.
Simply cut off the chord and membranes, steam the placenta, and add lemon grass, pepper and ginger to the water. Test if it’s done by piercing it with a fork: if it doesn’t bleed, it’s good. Then cut it up, and bake at low heat until it’s dry and crumbly. You can then crush it into a powder, if desired.
Your mouth is watering, isn’t it?
Moulding a chocolate vagina might just be the best way to express love for your vagina, or your partner’s vagina. Did anyone else not realize that the plural of vagina is “vaginae”? Thanks, Twitter followers, for looking that one up.
The kit comes with everything needed, just add water! Plus everything’s been medically tested, and it’s “completely safe for the novice moulder.” Perhaps the more experienced moulder would prefer a complex recipe, dress it up a bit with sauces and candy.
There’s no description of the directions though, but the site stresses that it’s strictly for the outer portion of the vagina.
Ladies, nothing speaks romance like having your man unwrap a giftbox containing your carefully placed chocolate vagina.
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Candice Walsh is a Professional Experience Collector and full-time writer, blogger, and inventor of job titles that don't make much sense. She's based out of St. John's, Newfoundland. Follow her website for more shenanigans.
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