I’ve often wondered if the desire to stick so strongly to one’s own experience and belief is a reflection of people’s insecurities with their own choices. Not that I mean that in relation to any of the women commenting here or on David’s piece, but more generally.

The whole Us against Them feels so strange to me. I’ve never understood it. That’s why when Nick sent me a link to a Guardian article about Kathryn Blundell, I knew I wanted to write this article.

For me, I want to be make informed choices that are healthy for my baby and for me and my family. I want to be happy with my choices, but I don’t want one single thing like how long I’ve breasted to define who I am. As people we are so much more multidimensional than one cause or one belief. I don’t want the number of months I’ve chosen to do or not do something to become my primary identity and cause, and I don’t want to end up judging other people who have chosen to do differently.

I remember reading David Page’s article Adventures in Weaning on the Notebook, and most of the comments were criticisms of his and his wife’s decision to wean their child at one year. The impression I got from those comments is that other people (well it was all women) were attempting to make them feel guilty for only breastfeeding for a year. I came away from those comments with a really negative vibe, a pressure to do things a certain way whether it’s healthy for you (physically and emotionally) or not.

I think you make an important point when you say, “My main point is that I believe there needs to be a great respect between parents and their individual choices.”

Let’s have some more of that.

I’d like to know/read more about your experience using the milk bank. I tried to find the story in your blog, but I couldn’t. I’m sure it’s me being too slow in this rainy, cold Sunday

I don’t know much about this topic (except that milk banks exist), and I don’t personally know anybody that has chosen milk bank as a feeding/supplementing option.

I do know a case where the mom was seriously ill (nothing related to pregnancy), and she had to had an emergency C-section. She died after the surgery (so sad), because of her decease, not of the section. Her family and husband were very strong about breastfeeding, so they found an awesome group of moms that would donate their milk to the baby, or even nurse him directly from their breasts, and that’s how he had only breast milk during the first six months, and even long after.

Thank you again!

As for this article, though. It’s not really supposed to only be about breastfeeding, but the many different choices mothers and parents make. While breastfeeding kickstarts the discussion, it goes much further than that.

My main point is that I believe there needs to be a great respect between parents and their individual choices. I mention my specific choice here not to make a stand on anything in particular, but to say that given what I know now, I would make a different choice under the same circumstances, and I wouldn’t let another’s opinion change that if that person comes to me from a place of judgment, right vs wrong.

There are many parenting choices I might do differently. It’s a live and learn process, many of which are not cut and dry.

The same applies, I think, to many areas of life. We talk this related to tourism a lot here at Matador. Do you visit places like the Galapagos or not? Do you buy from locals or not? Do you travel with computer or not?

With any topic if there is not mutual respect, there is no conversation. That is my point.

http://www.who.int/features/factfiles/breastfeeding/facts/en/index.html

I think Augustina understood what I meant about how important education is today because there IS so much out there that is not accurate and can be so misleading. I so agree with her that “sometimes things need to be said over and over, to make sure mothers are really making an informed choice – which should be the goal of any advocate of any area of light.”.

I wasn’t talking about your personal choices ( and certainly support you and everyone doing what ever works for you or them) but was trying to add my own personal experiences through extremely difficult nursing ( a rarity) and what I learned through that experience.

Every nursing experiences is different and good education and support is key. For many breastfeeding is extremely easy. BUT If it does not come easy and one has a challenge, it is VERY difficult to get the help one needs, even in an area that is very pro nursing. MOST of the “experts”…doctors, nurses,midwives, lactation specialists, occupational therapists, physical therapists ..were useless for me and my baby.

The top ( very experienced) woman at La Leche League and one very bright and very experienced LC were the only ones that saved us, after TOO MUCH bad advice. ( And yes, I too was very informed and educated on this topic thoroughly even before getting pregnant….but not for handling an extremely rare case). Sometimes you have to look a lot deeper to solve a problem. What I learned is there can be possibilities even when many experts say there are none.

Some babies can not even drink ANY formula, so that can be another issue. My baby couldn’t.

I also agree with Augustina:

“The best thing to do is to attend regularly to a group that is exclusively for breastfeeding and that have a good reputation (hospital groups usually do NOT have good information). The older the group, the better.”

I wish I’d started going to LLL meetings while pregnant instead of my yoga group as there is a lot more to nursing than most women know before doing it. I know a mom who wanted to nurse but couldn’t with 5 babies, then on her 6th she discovered LLL and finally nursed successfully ( and then her 7th too).

Breastfeeding is an art that we have all but lost in this century and having really good, loving guidance is important. All the studies show that it is best by far for both mother and baby ( and our culture) yet only 30% of U.S. new moms are feeding their babies exclusively with breast milk at three months and only 11% are still breastfeeding at six months. In Sweden, where there is more support for families, 53% continue to breastfeed exclusively for over six months.

Yet,I would venture to say most of the US moms probably consider themselves well informed. I think those stats tell us that there is not enough education and not enough support for new moms and babies. Most parenting websites and magazines are pretty useless. My experience also tells me that most of the “experts” trying to help or educate moms are sorely lacking.

For those moms who want to nurse, but are having difficulty, finding truly good support is key and trickier to find than it should be. The American rush,rush,rush “More” consumer lifestyle is not real conducive for the receptive, relaxing, attachment act of nursing. Formula bottle propped up by a pillow or plugging in a pacifier was even used in the 50′s. Even with all the problems we had in the beginning, nursing was a tremendous experience for both my child and me, thus I’m eternally grateful to those who helped us & want to encourage others.

My point in adding to the discussion was to share my experiences and point out some important information about breastfeeding . Since you brought up the point of doing nursing and formula together, I thought it important to also add the essential facts about such. Not about your choice or any ones choice, but just adding the known consequences, making it clear that W.H.O. sees formula as the 4th best choice ( no one had mentioned all of them) and as Augustina said so well:

“Sometimes some mothers get lucky and can supplement with formula and breastfeeding, but most times this is not really possible….,,For this two reasons, as soon as formula is introduced, the weaning process has begun. And the sooner you introduce the formula, the fastest the baby will wean from the breast. If you introduce formula to a newborn, there is no realistic chance of having a successful breastfeeding relationship with your baby”

I’m so glad to hear that there will be a breastfeeding resource guide in Matador as this is a very important topic. The World Health Organization and UNICEF have recommended for over a decade that mothers breastfeed for at least two years. Finding ways to support mothers with that is always a good thing. It is also best for the planet, the environment and the easiest way to travel with a baby!

As a world traveling family on an open ended tour, I’m grateful for our extended nursing experience for so many reasons, including all the full natural immunity my child received from it ( including measles, mumps, chickenpox, hepatitis, whooping cough etc since I had them).There is no better immunity than natural immunity and a strong immune system, so this is another benefit of breastfeeding for traveling families.

I am talking about personal choice. Yes, perhaps I use my own experience to illustrate it, but I’m not angry.

I do feel that your assuming all sorts of things about me is unfair and unjustified. You don’t know me, nor do you know my entire experience of breastfeeding based on what was said here.

I am content to know that I do not have unresolved issues related to breastfeeding., I think you have taken much of what I said in ways they were not intended.

All that said, I do intend to include a breastfeeding resource guide in Matador. If you’d like to be part of that discussion, you are most welcome. But I think once the personal attacks begin here, the conversation for me is over.

You presented an article about a breastfeeding v formula feeding, the conversation evolved to breastfeeding, and I have been talking about breastfeeding. I have provided information and my personal view of how breastfeeding has been successful. I have not talked or addressed case-to-case basis, simply because no case was exposed.

And yet, you have replied to every comment talking about yourself and your experience and talking as if every comment was a reaction to your breastfeeding experience. If you want to talk about your breastfeeding experience, then make an article about your breastfeeding experience. But making an article that prompted people to talk about breastfeeding, and respond to each comment like if your motherhood have been under attack is a very dishonest way of having a discussion.

Whether you accept it or not, you are angry. Whether you admit it or not, you have a strong unresolved issues. Maybe you should work through those issues before attempting to host a discussion presented as objective and non judgemental. It is obviously very triggering topic for you, and you feel personally judged by every word, and it is very unfair for the people that are taking their time to try to communicate honestly about a sensitive issue. I don’t know you, I don’t know your motherhood or how your breastfeeding went, nobody is talking about you, except you.