What if I wait until it’s too late?

By Leigh Shulman On May 18, 2010 · 41 Comments

Tweet

Come, let us talk openly of age and ability, and whether it’s ever too late to do the things you want.

Take Hazel Soares who just graduated from Mills College in Oakland, CA with an art history degree. She is 94 years old.

Do away with your hundred indecisions and all of your revisions. Is it worth it to wonder “Do I dare?” Instead, start now, no matter what your situation, your age or your physical condition.

Gulf War veteran Dana Cummings made it through two tours of service without major injury then came home to lose his leg in a car accident. Know what he did? He took up surfing.

Jessica Watson successfully sailed the world at sixteen years old in spite of other people’s doubts. “People don’t realize what 16 year olds and girls are capable of,” she said. “It’s amazing when you take away those expectations, what you can do.”

What Can I Do?

You can ride a dune buggy. You can parachute jump. You can become a professional photographer at any age!

All you women in your early to mid-thirties can stop worrying that your fertility is slowly seeping out of your ear and read about a woman in India who gave birth to twins in her seventies.

You can become the world’s oldest male stripper like Bernie Barker, who took up dancing to get in shape while recovering from prostate cancer.

You, too, can become a painter after a successful career as a writer.

Photo by Bruce Tuten

When you hear yourself creating reasons for why you can’t. Too old. Too weak. Too long. Too far away. Too whatever. That’s just fear talking. The I-Can’ts. I-Won’ts. They lead you to the overwhelming question.

What If?

Do you want to look back and say, it would have been worth it after all, but in short, I was afraid?

What if you never try? What if you could have done it but allowed fear to stop you instead? What if you stop asking questions and take a leap into the abyss?

What if you dare to eat that peach?

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

Is there anything you are letting fear stop you doing? Is there anything you simply must do before you die? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

MatadorU Travel Photography Program

MatadorU’s Travel Photography Program gives you direct feedback on your work, and lifetime access to the most supportive, dynamic, and fun community of Travel Writers, Travel Photographers, and New Media Professionals on the web.

About The Author

Leigh Shulman

Leigh Shulman is a writer, photographer and mom living in Salta, Argentina. There, she runs Cloudhead Art, an art & education group that creates collaborative art using social media to connect people and resources. You can read about her travels on her blog The Future Is Red

More By This Author

Will $7.6 million in venture capital ruin Couchsurfing? (21 comments)
Daily life of indigenous children in Argentina (13 comments)
Why the Burning Man lottery failed (13 comments)

view all → Leigh Shulman

http://www.algarveexperiences.com Gwen McCauley

Hiya Leigh

What a great post! In addition to being a Life Transition Coach, I also write a monthly column in a local lifestyle magazine. I love both of these occupations because they constantly bring me in contact with amazing people.

Like Catherine, the wonderful woman I wrote about who is still teaching Tai Chi at age 94! Or Alex, an inspiring man who came to me for career coaching at age 77! Or my client and friend Cathy who at age 69 offers radical workshops on women’s leadership and is about to become a certified Yoga instructor.

Then there’s Evelyn whom you may know via Twitter as @journeywoman. Evelyn just turned 70, runs a monthly newsletter about women’s travel with some 69,000 subscribers and has great fun with her Aging Disgracefully blog. Through Twitter I’ve acquired a number of grandmotherly friends who all are women choosing to NOT ‘go quietly into the night’. If you check my list ‘Yay Grandmas’ on Twitter (@gwenmccauley) you too can discover some of these fascinating folks.

One of my great loves in life is leading retreats for women to the Algarve, Portugal. What makes it so fantastic is that it is yet another way that I get to connect with women who are intent on living the next phase of their life with great meaning and purpose. We have a grand time exploring aspects of Self that have lain dormant for decades, perhaps been discarded because of the commitment to career, marriage, children, etc. And sometimes the conversation is about stepping away from whatever the past has been and crafting an entirely new and different future.

I know from this work that there are lots and lots of brave souls out there of both genders. Thanks for the reminder to us all, especially as we reach those ages when we’re ‘supposed’ to slow down that it is mostly our own view of ourselves and our potential that stands between the life we have and the life we truly want and deserve.

Hope you do more inspiring posts like this one.

Gwen McCauley

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

What amazing people your work brings you to meet, Gwen. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

I’m glad this article resonates with you, and I agree. It’s the limits we accept for ourselves that are most restrictive. Age (younger or older), ability, none of that seems to really matter as much.

I’ll do my best to write more of the type in the future.

Stephanie Huey

How truly lovely, Leigh. It really is so easy to get mired down in convention and forget that conventions are conventions typically because they were the path of least resistance for the greatest number of people. Thanks for reminding us to think bigger!

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

I guess I’m also lucky there are so many great examples out there of people who have learned to live beyond convention.

http://alainarose.wordpress.com Alaina

What a cool post. This was exactly what I needed to read right now. Thanks

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

So glad to hear it. What a compliment you give me.

http://gotpassport.org GotPassport

You know why I love this post, because you’re speaking my language. When I turned 40 (I’m 43 now), I told my husband, (in big tears during an ugly cry) that I don’t want to wake up at 50 with regrets. I just won’t. We are flying by the seat of our pants (w the few pants we have left) heading to Thailand. We are finally taking the leap into the abyss and no matter what happens we are going to love it!

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

I think what you and Jack are doing is fabulous. You’re not only making a big move to Thailand to avoid your own regrets, but really helping others in the process.

There’s a big picture that goes beyond your own needs, and I truly believe that is key to living a life full of energy and purpose.

http://www.freedoniapost.com Joel

Great post, Leigh – at 45, I’m mid-career, probably the most unusual time to take off on a trip around the world for a year (42 days away!).

But there’s never really a “right time” or a “wrong time” to follow dreams – there is only time, which will always keep moving.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

So true! If you wait for the right time for anything, chances are it will never arrive. Because no moment will ever be perfect to face fears, deal with difficult issues or even just pack your bags to go.

You say it’s unusual to pick up mid-career. And maybe it is for now, but as time moves forward, I think more and more will do exactly as you and Aye are doing.

And wow, 42 more days to go… so exciting… I can’t wait to hear how things unfold.

http://www.operationbackpackasia.com/the-trip G @ Operation Backpack Asia

Great post! I loved the 16-year-old girl’s quote. I agree with you completely, never ever ever ever find a reason to wait to do something you want to do. Turn it into a plan and go. Maybe it’ll take some time, fine. But make a PLAN to do it, not just think idly. If anyone wants a great example of that, check out our fellow commenter above, GotPassport. It’s truly awesome the legacy they’re building for their daughter. There is NO WAY that girl will ever grow up thinking anything other than “I can do great things in this world for myself and for others, and I’m GOING TO DO IT”. I have much respect for people who dare.

Thanks for the post!

http://gotpassport.org GotPassport

Awwww G, thanks for the shout out- means so much! hugs!
http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

Thanks for your comment, G.

I also love Jessica’s comment. It really cuts right to the heart of things. It also shows the other side of the spectrum here. It’s not just advancing age that is used as a limit.

And I’ve heard “too young” as an excuse not to do something probably more often than “too old.”

Totally agree with you about Aye.

Barb

Funny you should mention the 94 yr. old college graduate because when I saw the story on TV I told my husband, “I want to be like her when I am 94!” Not necessarily attending a university, but having a young spirit & continuing to pursue dreams. As an emergency nurse for 20+ years, I have seen how life can change in a second no matter what age you are. So step away from your doubts & go after what you have thought about doing. I realize that due to life circumstances, we may not be able to pursue our dreams as we once saw them. But, modifications can be made which will bring us similar joy & a sense of accomplishment. Dreams are nice, but achieving dreams is even better.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

“Life can change in seconds.”

Absolutely! That is an excellent impetus to act on your dreams immediately, not delay them for another day simply because of fear or another’s expectations. I also love your addition that our dreams may change over time. We may be able to actualize them but perhaps not in the way we originally expected.

http://www.journeyofatravelwriter.com Adam

Indeed. What a great little article. My wife and I gave it all up to travel the world a few years ago. That was supposed to be our last hurrah before we settled down to the “normal” lifestyle of kids, a big house, and a bunch of crap. Since our return last October, our thoughts have obviously changed. I’m pursuing a new career as a travel writer at the age of 32 and am terrified at the thought sometimes. On an almost daily basis I find myself saying, “Who do I think I am?” It’s always inspiring to hear and read stories of people with a similar mindset. People who just say, “Screw it, I know the odds are against me, but I’m doing what I love no matter what.” That’s what life should be about. Enjoying oneself and truly doing what you love as much as you possibly can.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

Who do you think you are? You’ve chosen a different path. I’ve also been called selfish and self justified for picking up and leaving what is supposed to be the normal path.

It also makes me question whether or not I’ve done something wrong.

It would be easy to dismiss the people who criticize my decisions — family and close friends in particular — as jealousy or something else, but I do at least like to take it seriously. Not that I think decision to leave NYC to travel and eventually settle in Argentina was wrong, but to at least look to see if there is something I’m doing that could be hurtful or selfish.

But ultimately, I did the best I could at any given moment with the information I had at the time. I don’t think that changes based on where I am or how I live my life.

Good for you for living your dream and not allowing others’ perceptions of you to get in the way.

http://shantiwallah.blogspot.com Marie

Your pieces are always so positive! I love this little bit of inspiration and I’ll be carrying these thoughts with me into town today to see what I can get into.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

Ooh, so I hope you’ll tell us what you got up to in town today!

Shows you, it’s not all about chucking it all for some massive undertaking — although that is great too. It’s about the little things day to day, wherever you are.

Desiree

Ahhh, you are whispering what is in the wind for me. EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

Thank-you!

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

I’d love to hear where the wind leads you.

http://solofriendly.com Gray

I feel like you wrote this for me, Leigh. I have been struggling with this (the fear, and the “did I wait too long”) for awhile now, on a number of issues–travel, career, moving to a different locale, finding a partner, etc. Not that I’m ancient or anything, but I do think sometimes we paint ourselves into a corner by not taking action sooner on some things. Yes, doing the things we want to do can happen at any age, but I think it requires an ever-greater amount of courage and struggle to change our lives the older (and more settled into a “rut”) we get. Still, inaction can be just as terrifying as action.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

Inaction is absolutely just as terrifying. Mainly because I think you only realize the effects of inaction once it’s too late to do anything about it. I often say that my regrets in life — and I admit, I don’t have many — are almost exclusively of the things I didn’t do. I can think of things I sort of wished I hadn’t done, but I don’t regret them in the same terrifying way.

At the same time, I also think things happen when they’re supposed to happen. I’ve been writing my whole life, but didn’t really start trying to publish until relatively recently. I also waited far longer than many family members thought appropriate to have Lila. But I didn’t want to have a child simply because others thought I should (or because that freakin’ annoying clock was ticking).

I love that you say you feel I wrote this for you. There’s really no bigger compliment you can give to tell me that something I wrote relates to you so strongly. But I’ll tell you also, I wrote this as much to remind myself as anything else.

http://www.operationbackpackasia.com G @ Operation Backpack Asia

One of my favorite quotes (and way of looking at/living life ) is:

“LIFE is not a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but
rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming
WOW, what a RIDE!”

On our blog about our 3-year backpacking trip through Asia explaining the trip, I had the quote, then wrote:

So go big or go home!

Because if you don’t dream big for your life, who will?…

If you hesitate in doing what you want most to do with your life, you’ll hesitate yourself right out of a life of “I’m so glad I did” and into a life of “I wish I had.”

…After being on the road for nine months and meeting the incredible, like-minded people that we have (like GotPassport), it’s so hard to imagine that when I penned those words, it was in subconscious response to the naysayers who were pushing us down with the hand of The Man, saying that to go and travel the world was irresponsible, and foolish.

Srsly?

But I’ll never forget that when we told someone what we’d saved to be able to do this 3-year trip that would take us to the Taj Mahal, the Great Wall of China, Mount Everest, the Dalai Lama, Angkor Wat…his response was: “But – you could buy a nice CAR with that kind of money!!”

http://www.operationbackpackasia.com G @ Operation Backpack Asia

Um that was supposed to go with my comment up above; sorry, not sure what happened!
http://travelerahoy.wordpress.com Alouise

That’s a great Hunter S. Thompson quote. He was certainly a person who did things unconventionally.
http://gotpassport.org GotPassport

G : I”ve seen and have heard of that quote many times and love it too!!

Charlotte Ponder

A great piece, and timely for me since I had quite the melt-down recently upon applying for Social Security. My birthdays haven’t bothered me as they passed, since my life grows richer each year with family, friends, marriage, and travel. But it was hard for me to shift from being a career woman to being a family woman when I was downsized out of a major corporation back in the 1990′s. It turned out to be a blessing since my family has needed me to be available during the ensuing years, but I didn’t know that at the time. Filling out the Social Security forms made me feel an abject sense of failure, saying to myself, how can my productive years be ending when I haven’t accomplished anything yet? Well, I have mostly recovered from that mental funk, but thanks for the reaffirming words.

I do think it ironic that your article appears right beside the bit which says one may not apply to be a Glimpse Correspondent if over the age of 36, though.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

You make a good point when you say you never know what good can come from a situation that feels uncomfortable at first. Particularly when you forge ahead and really embrace your situation.

When you leave yourself open to opportunity and not make excuses like “too late” or one of hte hundreds of other things you could say, you’ll always find your place.

Barb

G@Operation Backpack’s comment from the guy who said, “You could buy a car for all that money”, brought to mind all the people who have told me, “I wish I had money to travel like you do.” These are individuals who have a new car, the latest fashions, eat out several times a week & bought a home that has made them ‘house poor’. We all have the opportunity to make choices to achieve our goals & I have made lifestyle adjustments to save cash to travel. I drive a 22 yr. old car, shop at the thrift stores, bought a modest home, rarely go out to eat & drink, monitor all my expenses, etc. So, if travel is your goal, you may have to make some day to day changes to achieve that dream.

http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

This whole idea of “I wish I could do what you do.” That gets right to the heart of things, Barb.

We had some other travel bloggers staying with us a couple weeks ago and we sat around talking about how often people say just this to us. Usually coupled with “I’m jealous.”

But everyone makes their choices.

It completely floors me that someone would rather have a car than see all the things G has seen, but that also reflects my decisions and priorities.

If a person truly prefers the car, god bless. But if you then follow it up with, “I’m jealous. I wish I could…” That’s just making excuses.

http://www.operationbackpackasia.com G @ Operation Backpack Asia

That’s exactly it, Leigh. I just wrote about that. If whatever you’re doing is what makes you most happy, by all means your life is every bit as good as mine – no passport required! – and I am truly glad, because happy people are kind people.

But if you’re doing it just because that’s what you’re supposed to do or think that’s the only option, let’s try to work with that and think bigger, sideways or, just for fun, differently somehow. Life’s more fun with passion.

And for god’s sake if someone is doing something “you wish you could do”, please don’t say “They’re so ‘lucky’.” It makes me twitch.

http://www.sabandari.com/en dirk weemaes

The past years have been tough. Health issues caused a severe mental blow. Personal problems with my business partner led to a stalemate that could have been fatal to the company that we had built in the previous 20 years. A Solomon’s judgment was needed to prevent the company from going bankrupt and approximately fifty employees from losing their jobs.

During the long Ascension weekend of 2007, I decided to sell my 50% share in the company. On July 7, 2007, I was unemployed for the first time in 30 years. So what!? I would take a Sabbatical. It’s trendy and it sounds good to say, in a casual way: “I am on a Sabbatical…”

Meditate, do some reading, some gardening, do long-postponed chores, a little cycling, great! Right? The first weeks: sure. A long holiday. Fantastic! But beware! No physical activity, or my back went out, the crutches had to come out of the cupboard the doses Perdolan, Diclofenac and Zantac needed to be increased. The Belgian weather was no advantage either. But who cared!? Meditate and read and meditate and … After 6 weeks you are as Zen as a Tibetan monk and you can’t come near a book without screaming.

I knew that I had to do something. But what? Study? Start a new venture? Look for a job?… It was quickly clear to me that I did not want to have anything to do with the business world anymore. I had seen what that could do to a person. At 53, after 20 years of having been my own boss, go work for someone else? Not such a good idea. Study? My short term memory has had better times; therefore I’d better let that cup pass from me.

My wife’s ancestors lived in a small village in Indonesia, on Ambon, one of the Moluccan islands. We had visited that village ten years before, with the children, and had seen in what circumstances the family lived. Why couldn’t I try to change that? Wouldn’t it be possible to use my import/export experience to raise their standard of living in one way or the other? The Moluccas have been known for centuries as ‘The Spice Islands’. This is where, at the time of the V.O.C., the Dutch got their cloves and nutmeg from. Up to today these spices are the only source of cash income for the local population. And then: Eureka!

I could set up a Fair Trade initiative: buy the spices at an honest price and sell them directly abroad. No middlemen to pocket the margins and profits that could go to nobody but the growers. This meant I had to study after all because I did not know the first thing about spices. The world of Fair Trade was also new to me. But at least there was some light at the end of the tunnel.

Until one day (in her case `one night’) my wife S. read something on the Internet.

“A small hotel for sale” in Bali, not far from Ubud. It looked great, the price seemed better than could be expected. S. could put her training (massage, manicure, pedicure, company management…) into practice, I could manage the business and work on my Fair Trade project. We could contribute to the well-being of the local population by creating jobs and giving training. The warm climate and daily swimming would be a blessing for my back. We could offer a holiday address to the family. Etc., etc. The arguments she fired at me nearly knocked me out.

We started our homework by asking a Belgian couple, that had been living in Bali for a while, to stay in the hotel as `mystery guests’ to get a first impression. It felt more Fawlty Towerish by the day. The verdict was positive. We took a buying option and bought two tickets to Denpasar.

I wrote more about the developments in my blog at http://villasabandari.blogspot.com/

I guess it shows that it is never too late for a drastic change in life.

Dirk Weemaes
http://travelerahoy.wordpress.com Alouise

I’m going to college for the first time in September and I’ll be 26. And I feel a bit self conscious about going to class with people almost ten years younger than me. But then I think to myself, I really want to do this. And what happens if I wait? Nothing. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that age really is just a number, thanks for the reminder.

http://gotpassport.org GotPassport

@Alouise,

Bravo for your courage. I went to grad school with many men and women in their 50′s. They decided to do something different about their lives or want a second career in doing something noble. Very refreshing and encouraging to have witnessed. I did not understand at the time as many were previously in fields like accounting, marketing, or the likes and they decided to go back to school to obtain a Master degree in Social Work.

It’s never too late. Be proud! cheers!

Heather

I like your references to T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” and found it inspiring because the poem focuses on the state of mind that leads to fearfully putting things off and results in being miserable. For the past year, these lines have often popped into my head, especially after a stressful or boring week at the office:

“For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;”

It always reminded me that I needed to get started on the changes I wanted. In two months I am starting on a new adventure, and in making the commitment to do so I had to overcome worries about risk and failure and challenge my own ideas on what I’m capable of, but I knew that I needed to make a change. The only time you have guaranteed is the now, don’t waste it.
http://www.dorothyconlon.com Dorothy

All of these comments resonate with me, as one who is still traveling the world, even as an octogenarian. Still SO many places to see, experiences to have. I love exploring off-beat destinations and often do volunteer projects, a wonderful way to experience a new culture more intimately. I’ve volunteered overseas 21 times in 13 different countries and hope to do more in the future. My book, “At Home in the World: Memoirs of a Traveling Woman” came out in 2007, relating a sampling of my adventures, in hopes of inspiring others to venture beyond their comfort zone. I wish I had a buck for every time I’ve been told “You’re so inspiring,” to have surmounted personal tragedies and led such a full life. Not over yet, either. Carpe diem!
http://www.sophiesworld.net Sophie

Good reminder and all so true. Don’t know why we tend to impose all these artificial limits on ourselves – and others.

At 44, my brother sold everything, quit his well-paying (but not that inspirational) job and went abroad to go to medical school for 6 years. Sometimes he’ll hear: ‘but you’ll be 50 when you finish!’ As if that in itself is an argument against! He’ll be 50 anyway – whether just out of med school or in old boring job.
http://www.soultravelers3.com soultravelers3

LOVE this! It’s right up my alley as I have ALWAYS been one to believe it is NEVER too late and there really are no limitations except those we put on ourselves.

Who would think an ordinary family, a middle aged, chubby mom who chose to have a late baby, could travel the world on an open ended world tour, living large on a tiny budget? We’re monolinguals raising a fluent bilingual/bilterate child. There were all kinds of reasons NOT to do it, but we are really glad that we took that leap of faith in 2006. It’s been very expansive for us, our readers and even my 82 year old mother who had to become an expert on webcam calls and a computer that she had never even tried before.

I’ve always been one to follow my dreams, even when they looked impossible & by going after them, I have been rewarded and greatly strengthened. I’ve spent a lifetime and doing things that many said were ” impossible” and I hope to continue that to my dying day. My brother died at 40, but we all take comfort in knowing that he lived more life in those 40 years than most live in several lifetimes.

I ran a 26.2 marathon without ANY training on a whim when I was 36 and over weight, I helped a deaf young man find his birth parents when experts all said it was impossible and before the internet, I waited to have my child until my mid-forties. Even as a little girl, I invented a new way to ride a full sized boys bike because I didn’t like limitations.

“The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can’t be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it. ” ~Elbert Hubbard

Always dream big and go for it!
http://www.morgandaycecil.com @morgandaycecil

I love this post too Leigh–

Thank you for bringing in the real life examples of people out there who are defying the norm and doing these things they really want to do despite age/circumstance.

This year I’ve entered my 30s…and suddenly it’s like “holy moly! am I on the path I need to be on in order to do all the things I want to do?”

A few things on my list:

Ride in a hot air balloon
Live with my family in a foreign country for an extended period of time
Travel the world with my family for a year straight
See the aurora borealis
Swim with dolphins (yes,this is cheesy, but I can’t deny I want to do it!)
Write a book

and

Become a Professional TRAVEL Photograher (yes, I’m checking out the Matador program!
http://www.thefutureisred.typepad.com/ Leigh Shulman

@Dirk What a wonderful adventure it seems you’re having. I can’t wait until I make it out to Bali.

@Alouise. As much of a reminder for myself, too. Just because I write something here, doens’t mean I’ve mastered how to move forward even with doubt and insecurity. And fwiw, when I taught, I found the best students were those who had gone out, done something and then returned. They knew more about life and could then appreciate school more.

@heather So glad you saw that. I love this poem. I wasn’t sure how many people read it anymore, but it is a great one.

@Dorothy You are inspiring! Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

@Sophie So true! Noah wants to eventually go to medical school. We hear similar things as your brother heard. Why is that a first reaction for so many people? Why is the fear of doing something so much greater than the fear of not doing it?

@ST3 Yes, our limitations are that which we create for ourselves. Nick Vujicic and Zach both chose not to allow physical limitations that would stymie most to stop them or change their potential.

I didn’t know about your brother. I’m sorry to hear it. What a wonderful attitude you have to see and celebrate his life in such a way.

@Morgan Good for you! And thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the article.

What if I wait until it’s too late?

What Can I Do?

What If?

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

MatadorU Travel Photography Program

Related Posts

Leigh Shulman

More By This Author

Subscribe to Matador

The best travel articles each week. No spam.

Breaking stories, announcements, events, and more.

In partnership with Matador

Feature

Feature

Gallery

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Feature

Matador Network © 2006-2011

About Matador

Sections

Become a Contributor

New Media School