Crimes against hair in Buenos Aires

Some things go far beyond what we like to poke fun at. This and all photos: Kate Sedgwick

And while Buenos Aires is famously the land of the tango, leather, some of the most delicious grilled meat in the world and Spanish with an Italian accent, a less known fact is that it’s the world capital of men’s tragic hairstyles.

Aside from the more sane and pedestrian choices you’ve seen before (though it may have been 20 years) such as the rat tail, or the mullet, there are styles here that defy simple names.

It wasn’t a zombie. It was a squid. What?!! It’s still there?!

What he’s done, for all intents and purposes, is to make his head into a giant squid. This is business in the front and sadomasochistically restrained, brain sucking sea creature in the rear.

I have seen this hairstyle flowing free and so long that it reached to the wearer’s ass with dreads that were the thickness of a great dane’s ropey turds.

Nights Co-editor Tom Gates has pointed out that many of these men seem to be getting laid as they can often be seen (as the man above was) at the side of an adoring woman. How is this possible?

This is far from the only style incorporating dreadlocks that would have people pointing and laughing in other places on earth.

Male pattern baldness isn’t stopping him from wearing… Wait what the hell is that?

I wanted to fit in everywhere and wound up fitting in nowhere.

A hybrid between a D.A. and a mohawk with a nearly two foot long dreadlock the diameter of a big toe positioned to the side to show how different he truly is.

Let’s examine what’s going on here. Elements of greaser, punk and hippy combine on the head of a young man prematurely balding to create one of the greatest hair abominations that’s ever been.

In some places, I think the urge to rip this dreadlock from this guy’s head would be too strong for some young, drunk punk to resist.

A young man sports a frosty fauxhawk reverse-chelsea fringe mullet.

As it is all I can show you is the hair of the young man from the bus stop today. A frosted faux-hawk gelled into submission looks okay from the front, but this kid is sporting a white-blond curly fringe that hearkens rat tail and mullet both.

The one I saw in the bank was worn by a serious and balding business man and tapered at the base of his head. Because of the bald patch on the top, the back looked like a ’70′s porn vagina. Poor man. I bet he didn’t know why he was suddenly so happy when the barber held the mirror up so he could see the other side.

The saddest of the sad. Cat turd bouquet mullet and skullet.

Why? Well, when I’m minding my own business waiting for the bus and am suddenly confronted with a bouquet of cat turds less than a foot from my face, I’m startled.

I may even gasp before I understand that no one is maliciously attacking with feline fecal matter, but that there is a full grown man in my proximity who has decided of his own volition to sport a mullet or a skullet with atrophied dreadlocks, often less than three inches long in a little clump at the base of his skull.

This man exhibits the mullhawk in maroon with two cat turd width dreads poking from the side and an unkempt beard and sideburns that meld with the sides of the head.

Is he a hero in his audacity or is he tragically fashion impaired?

Community Connection

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