Instead of trying to go creative this year, how about just showing up at your friend’s party dressed as your own special breed of traveler? Myself: the freeloading beer drinker with frazzled nerves and 30 notebooks. My everyday attire, really.
If you don’t fit into any of these categories, please, do share your style secrets.
Don't bring any beer or party favors. Show up with a beard, an oversized backpack, and a travel journal. Ladies -- keep your leg stubble fresh. Make sure you have a slight body odor to pair with your wrinkled cargo pants. Complain about being broke, often.Photo:Sigfrid Lundberg
You must show up dressed head to toe in famous outdoor brands, North Face or Patagonia. Carry a hiking pole that you can later use to prod drunken passed-out people. Ski goggles and a balaklava will help indicate your love for year-round adventure, as will the scores of carabiners adorning your outfit. If possible, make sure your facial hair has snow in it.Photo:Sigfrid Lundberg
The couch surfer
Bring your laptop. Offer everyone a sample of a famous drink from your home country. Gush about your gratefulness for having a place to crash, and for the “authentic” local experience. Toss your belongings around the room. Flake out on the couch. Bonus: Bring a surfboard.Photo:virtusincertus
Show up in a massive air-conditioned tour bus. Have about 40 of your friends climb down from it and literally swarm the party. Wrap yourself around the other guests. Take photos of everything – the empty beer bottles, the party-goers, the party hosts’ home. Shove those damned youngsters out of the way – they have plenty of time left to see the sights, anyway. Then complain about the food and move on. Doubles as a party bus. Crash every party in town.Photo:Mooganic
The spring breaker
Show up in a bikini or Speedo. Most people will mistake it for a generic “sexy anything” costume, anyway. Sexy meatball. Sexy toilet paper roll. Sexy tree. They’ll realize their folly when you break out the Monster energy drinks, the biggest supply of sugary cocktails you can possibly afford, a string of condoms, and some water-wings. Ask everyone where the pool is. Crank up the electronica wherever you go. Practice Gangnam Style in advance.Photo:Fitsum Belay/iLLIMETER
Dress modestly, pure. Button-up shirts and khaki pants work well. Wear a tool belt and explain to everyone how you’re building homes for families in Guatemala. Pause and reflect often on how much good you’re doing in the world. Instantly bond with anyone of a different race. Hug small children. Smear dirt on your face and body to give the appearance that you’re not afraid to get down and dirty, all in the name of charity.Photo:Dave Bezaire & Susi Havens-Bezaire
The media junkie
It doesn’t matter if you’re a journalist, a blogger, a filmmaker, or a photographer – carry 40 cameras, two laptops, five notebooks, and the best brand-name travel gear you can find. You may be disguised as a regular costume-goer, but everyone will know the difference. Do NOT let guests hit the snack table until you take photos of it, first with your iPhone for Instagram, and then your DSLR. Give everyone at the party your business card. Tell them you abhor the rules of the world, man. Show them your Facebook stream, littered with pretty landscape photos and inspirational quotes. Laugh when they tell you that they actually like their office job and house.Photo:dennis
Blow through the party like a hurricane, snatching handfuls of food, chugging beers, grinding the party hosts. Then leave abruptly. Yell something about having to catch your trans-Atlantic flight to Iceland. Carry 20 different boarding passes in your hand, along with a passport wallet loaded with ticket stubs, maps, and visas. Wear a bikini underneath a thick down jacket, because once you’re done with a polar bear dip in Iceland, you’re headed to the Mediterranean.Photo:Ed Yourdon
Carry a sun lounger in one hand, a martini in the other. Wear sunglasses and a fedora. Dress in a sundress that costs more than most evening gowns. Set up your lounger in the middle of the kitchen, unfold a map, and ask somebody how long it takes to reach the next port. Wonder out loud about what 'off-board activities' you’ll do there for a full three hours.Photo:orionpozo
Show up wearing the same color scheme as your new life partner. Laugh when someone points out that you’re dressed alike, and claim it’s a mistake. Appear whimsical for the camera. Keep absentmindedly playing with your wedding ring. Apply sunscreen to your partner, frequently. Pose for goofy photos often, in front of everything.Photo:Dunedin NZ
The stag party
Bring your friends from your frat. Wear offensive t-shirts, something with the groom-to-be's face plastered all over it, and carry a giant blow-up doll. Guarantee that at least 99% of the group will get laid. Be entirely black-out drunk by 3pm on a Thursday afternoon. Cause a scene. Throw Skittles.Photo:Matthew Wilkinson
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Candice Walsh is a Professional Experience Collector and full-time writer, blogger, and inventor of job titles that don't make much sense. She's based out of St. John's, Newfoundland. Follow her website for more shenanigans.