12 Experiences You Have to Have in England Before You Die

3. Shout at the Great British Bakeoff, cry at the X Factor and laugh shamefully at the Posh Couple on Gogglebox.

Nobody does reality TV like us.

4. Roll cheese down a hill in Gloucester and be competitive about it.

It’s much more dangerous than it sounds.

5. Discuss how the forecast for the winter is going to be the coldest/wettest/most depressing in 50 years in September, and then be surprised that the papers were wrong.

Every. Single. Year.

6. Spend a Sunday in the pub devouring a roast dinner and sipping wine until it’s too late to come back from the dreaded Monday morning hangover.

Invest in some Paracetamol to live in your work-desk drawer. This will become a habit.

7. Celebrate a Bank Holiday weekend by busting out the Pimm’s, lighting the BBQ and getting well and truly sloshed in the sunshine.

Because there’s no other way to spend a three-day weekend than by not remembering it.

8. Embrace your inner hippy and celebrate the Solstice at Stone Henge with the Druids and nudists.

Hugging the stones is highly encouraged.

9. Go to the beach, sit there in the rain with a warm can of beer in hand and enjoy it.

Nothing better than the great British summer.

10. Embrace afternoon tea on the lawn with cakes the size of your thumb and scones as big as your face.

Be careful not to offend anyone with how you assemble your cream tea.

11. Visit the Houses of Parliament in London and watch Democracy at work.

Translation: Witness a load of toffs shout at each other in a big ol’ building on the Thames.

12. Go to a football match, sing some racially questionable songs about the other team, eat some pie, drink some beer and hug strangers when you score.

If you lose, get pissed.