1. Nobody else from Latin America (or the rest of Argentina) can stand you.
2. And you don’t understand why. Especially since you’re the most seductive person in the world.
The thing is, guys (and girls) want to know what’s behind our infamous mix of arrogance / seductiveness. It’s this particular yin-yang that makes us irresistible.
3. You use the words “Argentina” and “Buenos Aires” as if they were the same.
Porteños vacillate between feeling very Argentine and feeling as if we are the only Argentines. The saying goes “Argentina ends at la General Paz,” (which marks the end of the city).
4. At certain times you’ve felt as if you really belonged somewhere else.
That European blood of our grandparents pulls on us, and we’re always looking at the port of Buenos Aires. Many of us actually have double nationalities — Italian, Spanish — and those who don’t want one like crazy.
5. To you, there are no shades of gray.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about Messi, Maradona, Kristina, the Pope, the weather, or “el laburo,” our opinions are always black and white. Something is extremely positive — “lo mejor que hay” — or, conversely, “the biggest shit that ever existed.”
6. You have a reputation as a chanta.
Okay, so maybe we’re not all chantas, but all you have to do is take a taxi in Buenos Aires to prove there’s something to this stereotype. And yet, the majority of Porteños are (brutally) honest. Still, I always recommend to my foreign friends that they take their time trusting a Porteño to see whether or not they’re a chanta, knowing that as soon as they discover they’re not, they’ll have a friend for life.
7. The city is your personal heaven and hell.
When you leave the city, you realize there’s no place in the world that can compare to Buenos Aires. Nowhere else has such a spirit of lost paradise, of the best of Europe planted in the Americas. You miss everything — the food, the nightlife, how much fun you have going out, even the ex-girlfriend who left you without your realizing it.
But when you live in Buenos Aires, you feel like it’s a corner of hell along the banks of the Río de la Plata. The traffic, the humidity, the crowds of people, the insecurity, the hysteria, the machismo.
8. You’re convinced you speak the most beautiful Spanish.
And it’s true!
9. You’re tough. Always.
Maybe it’s living our childhoods out in the streets. Or maybe it’s our blood-soaked history that gives us fire. But Porteños are valiant.
10. You’re a specialist in everything.
Porteños have everything “re clara.” We’ve been beneficiaries of wisdom and knowledge on every possible topic. We’ve been everywhere and in all situations and know about all subjects…or at least we have a brother or friend or someone we know who has.
11. You’re multicultural and racist at the same time.
If you’re Porteño, for sure you’re open minded. Buenos Aires is a city of diversity, a cosmopolis, a place for everyone. It’s the gay capital of Latin America and all religions and ethnicities are represented. We’re friendly, integrated.
But at the same time we have our “enano fascista,” who appears rapidly when we get angry or in those painful jokes and expressions like negro de mierda, bolita, paragua, sudaca, brazuca, latinaje, and son todos putos.
12. You kiss all the time.
Who cares if we’re all men or if it’s a group of total strangers — we always greet with a kiss. Now that I live outside the country, I feel like something’s missing when I meet someone and when I say goodbye. How cold a handshake is! Our cheek-kiss cuts the distance and invites friendship.
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