6. Apparently, visibility conditions are so amazing here that one of the islands boasts the largest astronomical observatory in the Northern Hemisphere. Why look at the stars, though? You’ll end up with a stiff neck.
10. Sitting on a beach under a joyous sun and witnessing some unbelievable pirouettes during the Windsurf World Cup in Pozo Izquierdo? That’s not something you fancy – all that wind, and all that sand on your towel… Terrible for your hair.
11. Why would you even want to take part in one of Europe’s biggest Carnivals? Live music, parades, a Drag Queen Gala, fancy dress competitions, bonfires, fireworks, people dancing and singing in the street until the wee hours… Torture!
14. You have no interest in discovering the silbo gomero, the world’s only whistled language, practised by more than 20,000 people and considered Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO (why don’t they just use Whatsapp?).
19. Tiny bananas which actually taste of banana and are grown round the corner don’t appeal to you. You prefer those massive and perfectly formed ones at the chain supermarket, you know what I’m talking about? The ones that have traveled thousands of miles and resemble inflatable pool toys.