1. The “Y” and “Ll” are pronounced “Sh”. For example: It rains in Cabashito.
2. Raise the tone of your voice up to 70 decibels. Just freaking shout.
3. Speak with gestures and manners. Open your exorbitantly, stretch out your arms, laugh loudly, and hold others from their shoulder so they can understand you better.
4. Use the word “Che” when beginning or finishing each sentence: “Che, are you coming after all?”, “Don’t get mad, che”, “Che, this is delicious dulce de le che”.
5. Love or hate everything, except Maradona. He is sacred, all his sins are forgiven, “aguante” the hand of God, amen.
6. Compulsively hate sports journalists. They know nothing.
7. You know everything and doubt anybody else could know it better than you.
8. Argue with Brazilians, Chileans, Uruguayans, for soccer. Go on vacation to their beaches and sing to them: “Brazil, tell me what it feels to have your dad at home”.
9. Claim for what you deserve, cause “who doesn’t cry, doesn’t suck; and who doesn’t steal is a fool.”
10. No matter what happens, you must stay afloat, even if you’ve been rowing on “dulce de leche”.
11. Manage life with whatever you come across; everything has a solution or you just “fix it with wire”.
12. Your friends are the best, though you call them “boludo”. Those you don’t like, are the “forros”; and the ones you like are the “copados”.
13. Either you like “chongos” or “minas”, if you go out tonight, wear your best “pilcha”, lots of perfume and go for it!
14. Go walking like you were arriving late everywhere. Drive like you were arriving late. And if you actually are arriving late, say the traffic jam was a “quilombo”.
15. Behave anxiously and compulsively. Skip the queue, don’t wait your turn, and be the first one to get on a plane, even if they’re not calling your row. Come on, flaco, I don’t have all day!
16. If you want a beer, order a “birra”; if you want a cigarette, ask for a “pucho”; and if you want to leave, “tomate el palo”.
17. Call things by their brands. Hamburgers are “patys”, glue is “plasticola” and shaving blades are “shilette”.
18. Work a lot, but enjoy weekends. Party on Saturdays, spend family time on Sundays. Eat barbeque religiously (pasta if “shueve”). Go to soccer games in the afternoon and if your team wins, celebrate it in the Obelisco.
19. The ball never gets dirty and nobody dares touch your Mom, because your “vieja” is the greatest thing there is.
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