YOU’VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD of excavator mulchers. Imagine, if you will, one of those forest destroying machines from Fern Gully crossed with a robot dinosaur. That’s an excavator mulcher.

Its function is basically to completely destroy trees in a matter of seconds. And it does it so well. Terrifyingly well. On the one hand, it’s a feat of human engineering; on the other hand, you watch this and think, “Oh please fuck no, tell me this isn’t a thing we spent our time and expertise on.”

Particularly at a time when deforestation is accounting for up to one-fifth of global climate change, I’m not so sure we should be this keen on making trees easier to destroy.