10 Superpowers You Have When You're From Denver

by Tim Wenger Jun 24, 2016

1. Being able to rock a cowboy hat, parachute pants, and bunny tail to the ski hill on Gaper Day but still managing to have a totally serious discussion of what CDOT should do about I-70 with that random guy on the lift.

2. The ability to pair the local Sativa strain with the most appropriate sub from Cheba Hut and smoothie from the Ba-Nom- A-Nom truck.

3. Slaying Lair O’ The Bear’s singletrack and being back in town in time for happy hour at Charlie Brown’s.

4. Being able to point your finger in the right direction and confidently proclaim, “That direction is West.”

5. Being a level-10 wizard at acting sick on the phone when it snows over 6 inches, convinced your boss that you don’t even have an Epic Pass.

6. Shrugging off another blown save at Coors Field with a pint of Yeti and a quasi-sincere declaration on the late night light rail to “never pay for Rockies tickets again. Dick Monfort can take his rooftop patio and kiss my ass.”

7. The power to pick out a fellow Denver native on Larimer Street or at The Big Wonderful.

8. Knowing precisely how many cans of beer can be consumed between every parking lot at Red Rocks and the stair climb, finishing the last drop while walking by the recycling station.

9. Having that thin Mile-High blood that makes bagging 14ers all that much easier.

10. Making a split decision to bail on the I-25 merge ramp from 6th Avenue, swooping left at the last second to miss traffic and divider wall, then turning right on Broadway or left on Lincoln instead.

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