13 reasons to never take your kids to France

1. They might develop a taste for baked goods with no preservatives or artificial colorings. You know, the kind that is made by human hands, and not machines? The kind that actually goes stale within 24 hours? What to do when boulangeries are a distant memory after vacation?

2. Big French cities are pretty, well… urban. Nowhere for kids to burn off extra energy.

3. The French have this odd way of presenting art at times — it doesn’t always get nailed to a wall or displayed in glass cases. Sometimes, they let the kids touch it!

4. If they’re into mountain sports, they might never, ever, ever, ever leave. With five main mountain ranges in a country smaller than the state of Texas, spoiled for choice doesn’t even come close to explaining it.

5. Eating at a restaurant takes a whole new meaning when menus, even le menu enfant, offers much more variety than nuggets and frozen pizza.

6. For those sight-seeing days when you are on the go and buy a jambon beurre at the local boulangerie or stop for a crêpe au sucre, good luck ever recreating the simple deliciousness of French “fast food” once you’re back home. Your kids will talk about it for years.

7. A world-wide capital of art is an understatement. For those kids, and teenagers, with a passing interest in art, well … just forget it!

8. Don’t bother going to see a soccer match. So boring!

9. There’s so much history to see and learn about in France, it might overload their senses.

10. For those children into swords, guns, and a general interest in the military, French museums, military parades, and fighter plane demonstrations may overstimulate them a bit.

11. If carousels are their thing, they’re going to kick their way out of Paris.

12. They may just develop the ever-annoying habit of French kids to stay seated at the table during a complete meal…and goodness forbid, eat vegetables of all kinds. Yuck.

13. They can see iconic monuments on a postcard. Why bother taking them in person?