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23 Signs You Were Born and Raised in Miami

by Priscilla Blossom Jul 20, 2016

1. You know all the words to the Miami Youth Fair Theme Song (and are already saying, “Be there! The Fair!” as you read this).

2. You’ve attended or thrown a hurricane party (and remember where you were for the truly memorable ones, especially Andrew).

3. Eres fluent in Spanglish and frequently use Miamispeak without meaning to, calling everyone “bro” and everything “super.”

4. You totally get that Cuban food is NOT the same as Dominican, which is not the same as Mexican, and sure as hell not the same as Nicaraguan or Argentinean.

5. You’ve splashed around in flooded street corners (possibly in Sweetwater or Hialeah), even though you know they’re filthy.

6. You showcase your love of the 305 area code by drinking cafecito at 3:05 p.m. and posing with the 305 hand gesture in group photos.

7. You’ve watched Scarface (probably at an inappropriately young age) and have actually been to some of the film locations.

8. You’ve given up on asking when construction on the Palmetto will be over (because the answer is NEVER).

9. You’ve witnessed a school bus full of kids make a right hand turn on red from a left lane and it didn’t even surprise you.

10. Other people might play Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon, but you know you have better odds by playing Six Degrees to Pitbull because everyone knows someone who went to high school with Mr. 305.

11. You’ve had your car towed, probably on South Beach, and most likely by Tremont Towing.

12. Santa’s Enchanted Forest holds a special place in your heart, no matter how run down it gets.

13. You don’t get how people up north survive without central air conditioning, and you’ve never once used the heater function in your home.

14. Flip flops and shorts seem like perfectly acceptable things to wear on Christmas morning.

15. You have fond memories of Hot Wheels, Don Carters, Boomers, the old Parrot Jungle, and Malibu Grand Prix.

16. You went to your first nightclub before graduating high school.

17. You listened to Miami Bass (a.k.a. booty music) and salsa at your middle school dances and didn’t find it at all inappropriate.

18. School field trip locations included the Everglades, Actor’s Playhouse, the Miami Science Museum, Busch Gardens, and of course, Disney World.

19. You know that getting lost in Hialeah is among the top 5 worst things that can happen to you in Miami.

20. You have one good “winter coat” that you’re excited to bust out every time the weather hits 65 or less (about 4 times a year).

21. You know that hell is being stuck on the 836 Westbound at 5pm…with no a/c in your car.

22. You have, at some point or other, owed a small fortune to Toll-By-Plate or MDX (which makes you seriously miss complaining about toll stops when you were younger).

23. You’ve partied at Art Basel, Winter Conference, Ultra, or Calle Ocho at least once and lived to tell the tale.

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