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8 Reasons You Should Never Date an Aussie Man

by Jenn Malka Jan 27, 2016

You will never actually know his real name.

Go to an Aussie and see what he calls his friends. “Muzza,” “Laws,” “Nicko,” “Jordo,” “Packo”. Mind you, they’re just nicknames. No names like “Steve,” “Jack,” or “Jessica”. They just add a “z” or “o” or shorten the last name and call it a day. You will never know the real name of an Australian, but it somehow keeps life exciting.

He’s never home.

Aussies have this tendency to flee any time they have a day off. They travel every opportunity they have, they take advantage of the world, and Aussies are usually found anywhere but Australia. They are adventurous, they are explorers, they are risk takers, and they have an immense wanderlust of the world — it’s absolutely infectious.

He will love his men more than he loves you.

Have you ever seen an Aussie at an AFL footy game? There is no getting in between him and his team. They are proud, they are loud they will stick up for their men, and they are not afraid to show which team has their full loyalty. Which also means you must go for the same team they do, or there is potential breakup that can happen. You can only hope that you receive half of the loyalty back from them as they provide to their teams. If so, you will be one lucky person.

You will constantly have to fight girls off whenever he speaks.

You originally think the Crocodile Dundee-accent, blurting out “G’day Mate!” is going to come out of their mouths when they say they are Australian. But no. When they speak, this hot, smooth, sexy Australian accent with no hint of “Crikey” comes out. How dare they use those hot accents and make themselves that much more attractive?

Dating him is going to increase your risk of getting salmonella.

Well, the Aussie men love to BBQ. And if chicken is not cooked properly, you can get salmonella. Is that something your willing to risk for a man that has a great accent and a wonderful personality?

He’s way too laid back.

Whether you are traveling, dating or working with Aussies, the Aussie man is always so laid back. There are no worries or care in the world. Walking around barefoot, waking up early to surf, walking on the beach, drinking delicious coffee. What kind of life is this? How dare they enjoy this life to the fullest and live a (slightly) care free life!

You won’t understand a thing he says.

Aussies have a way of speaking as if they are in such a rush to get to their next business meeting. Everything is abbreviated. Everything is shortened. “Let’s get a bevi this arvo.” Did you understand that? That means lets get a drink this afternoon. It makes no sense but the way they speak and shorten things becomes very endearing, even down to the “love ya”. (Ugh, just say “I love you” like a normal person!).

He’ll stupidly put his life at risk for little things.

Surely you have heard of all the things that can kill you in Australia. The spiders, the snakes, the animals, the bush fires. Yikes. It is a scary place down under, but if you ever have a bug problem or scary spider, the Aussies have seen it all and will happily get it for you without hesitation. They are fearless, badass heroes and would risk their life for you. Or at least pretend to, depending on the spider species.

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