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How To Confuse Someone From Miami

by Jo Ann Mayer Oct 10, 2016

Ask where to find the best Mexican restaurant.

Miami is for Cuban food. Other Latin American and Caribbean cuisines are represented (Argentinian steaks, Peruvian ceviche, Jamaican jerk), but the city lacks Mexican restaurants. Just because you are in the south doesn’t mean you are close to the Mexican border.

Bring hiking boots to explore the Everglades.

The Everglades National Park is a wetlands preserve. The highest elevation is 20 feet. You explore it on paved paths or well-trodden trails, so leave the hiking boots at home. They are way too hot anyway.

Suggest going to Key West for the afternoon.

Key Largo, the official beginning of The Keys, is just an hour from Miami. Key West, at the southern end of The Keys, is a three-and-a-half-hour drive.

Assume Miami Beach is part of Miami.

This will offend residents of Miami and Miami Beach. Both municipalities are part of Miami-Dade County but have separate governments. Miami Beach is known for its beaches and party scene while Miami is claiming its place in the international banking world.

When someone mentions The Heat, assume they mean the temperature.

The Miami Heat is the beloved championship winning basketball team based in Miami.

Talk about ice climbing and snowboarding.

The nearest ski slope is over a thousand miles away. Best keep the conversation to water sports like paddle boarding, wind surfing, or moonlight kayaking.

Think a snow bird is a type of bird.

“Snowbird” is the term for someone who lives in a colder climate of the northern United States or Canada and spends the winter months in Miami.

Mention Miami’s lack of culture.

The Florida Grand Opera, the oldest performing arts organization in Florida, celebrates more than 75 years of continuous opera productions. The world class Miami City Ballet Company and School are celebrating their 25th season. The New World Symphony Orchestral Academy established in 1987 is a training ensemble for young musicians and attracts performers from around the world. The Cleveland Orchestra calls Miami “home” in the winter.

Bring a scarf and gloves as a gift to your hostess.

The temperature rarely dips into the 40’s in Miami and when it does it’s only for a day or two. The average low temperature in January, the coldest month, is 60 F.

Forget to bring an umbrella.

Miami, despite its high annual hours of sunshine, has 128 days a year with precipitation. The high humidity that accumulates, especially in the late afternoon, brings brief, local showers.

Don’t know when stone crab season begins or even worse, don’t know what stone crabs are.

Stone crab claws resembles lobster in appearance and tastes like a cross between crab and lobster. Only one claw may be removed so the crab can regenerate its claw, making it a renewable food source. The season runs from October 15th to May 15th.

Think Miami is where all the old people live.

Not so any more. Less than 15% of the population of Miami is aged 65 and older.

Let another driver merge before you.

This is a sign you are an out of towner. Being the road rage capital of the US, don’t expect courteous drivers.

Assume events begin on time.

Miami, under Latin influence, operates on Latin Time. Don’t expect any event to start on time.

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