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How To Piss Off a Liberal

by Scott Brannon Dec 29, 2013
Equate being liberal with being a socialist.

While most liberals are all for using elements of socialism where it makes sense, there are very few who would like to see all private industry seized by the government. The reality is that most liberals believe wholeheartedly in a system based on free-market principles and are therefore capitalists. So when you call Obama a “socialist,” what you’re really saying is that you need to go back to college and learn your isms. Last time I checked, GM didn’t stand for Government Motors.

Say that liberals want to tax and spend.

Well, yeah we do want to tax and spend, but so do conservatives. Did you enjoy those roads today while you were driving to work? How about all that fine police protection that kept you from being mugged? And wasn’t it nice not being invaded by Canada today? Tax dollars at work.

Tell me that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican.

Given that Honest Abe ran on a platform of expanding the federal government’s spending to establish universal public education and fund the railroad, I think it’s safe to say he would not be welcomed into the Republican Party of today. I won’t even get into this with regard to Martin Luther King, Jr., who at some point might have been a registered Republican. Regardless of their party, we get to claim both thank you very much.

Say that “less government” is any kind of solution.

What does that even mean? Saying that “less government” will solve any of our societal ills is about as stupid as someone saying that “more government” is a viable solution. At least try and be a little specific.

Blame the “liberal media.”

Okay, I don’t doubt a large portion of media people lean to the left, just as I wouldn’t be surprised that people in the military might lean to the right. But to say the vast majority of journalists shirk their duty to be truthful to further some sort of left-wing conspiracy is just going over the top. Plus, last I checked Fox News was kicking MSNBC’s butt in ratings.

Say government bureaucracies can’t be efficient.

We’ve all heard that big bureaucracies are only good at one thing: wasting tax dollars. Well, maybe in 1980s Soviet Russia, but not today. The IRS and its 106,000 employees process a staggering 240 million tax returns every year. That is 2,400 filed returns per employee! That’s a lean, mean, taxing machine.

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