Welcome to Manchester, fondly known of as “Madchester” thanks to our music scene of the ’90s, or “Gunchester” in more recent years, but we’re not going to go into that. As one of the largest cities in the UK, the second largest if you count Greater Manchester, Mancunia, the capital of the North, is home to a diverse range of people, but with one thing in common — what pisses us off.

So how do you well and truly boil our piss?

Start a Northerners vs. Southerners argument.

This great debate takes place at universities up and down the country as Mancs, Scousers, Geordies, and the like are lumped into one category in a faceoff with country bumpkins, Cockneys, and toffs. While those from the Midlands get to sit on the fence, choose their side, or more likely have their side chosen for them because apparently if you’re from anywhere north of London, you’re a Northerner.

Whichever side you’re on, let’s face it, somebody’s going to get pissed off. As far as Mancunians are concerned, you will come across two types of people. The first type will vehemently defend Manchester and her Northern sisters until they can think of no other way to win than to shout the other down with a rendition of “Oh Manchester is wonderful, oh Manchsterrrr is wonderful…”

And then there are those who seriously couldn’t give a shit. It’s not that they aren’t loyal and dutiful Mancs, they just don’t care that you believe you don’t have an accent because you’re from the South.

Support the wrong football team.

If you thought the North vs. South debate was bad, think again. The rivalry between Manchester United and Manchester City fans is unmatched. I have fortunately only been witness to some amicable banter between reds and blues, but know for a fact that people can turn sour when riled up over the beautiful game.

For that reason we have red and blue pubs. And whether you even like football or not you have to choose a camp for derby day. If you’re from Manchester and support Liverpool, you will be mocked into eternity. Supporting Everton, forget it. Arsenal, Chelsea, or Spurs, even worse.

Talk about the weather.

Unlike many Americans who are able to politely joke about poor weather, us Mancs straight up moan about ours constantly. It’s always rainy in Manchester! It is cold and rains almost half of the days in every month, including summer. And I would say it’s grey for most of the other days.

It’s no wonder then that every other Mancunian is swanning off to Australia when the opportunity arises. Or at the very least they’re counting down the days until their beach holidays on Facebook — enough already.

Don’t talk to us on the bus.

Or in a queue, or at a supermarket checkout, or at the bar…I’m sure you get the gist. What can I say? Us Mancs are just very friendly, chatty people.

Do an impression of a Manc and get it completely wrong.

What does someone from Manchester actually sound like? Are they forever lengthening their i’s like a member of Oasis? (“Slip inside the eye of your miiiiiind…”) Do they wander around saying things like “reet” and calling everyone “duck” like they’re on Coronation Street?

For the large part the answer is no. The above questions are actually giving those who attempt a Manchester accent too much credit. What you mostly hear is a sort of standard Northern speak, which usually just means a poor imitation of a Yorkshire accent as in “t’other” or “I’m goin t’ shop.” WE DON’T SPEAK LIKE THAT!

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