1. By travelling to Abu Dhabi, parents run the risk of dangerously opening their children’s minds to different languages, cultures, experiences and religions that may leave them forever changed.

Family at Grand Mosque AbuDhabi

Photo by author

2. The desert is absolutely no place for kids to play without parental supervision. They run the risk of developing a premature sense of self-reliance and discovery.

kid in the desert Abu Dhabi

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3. Picky kids will not enjoy the cuisine of the Middle East at all — not even one bit. Popular Friday brunches simply don’t serve kid-friendly food.

Abu Dhabi food

Photo by St Regis Saadiyat Hotel’s marking department

4. Beware of the dangerous animals that inhabit the Abu Dhabi desert. Children may be too scared of the native fauna to venture far from parents.

Kids riding camel

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5. Kids may unearth an innate need for speed in Abu Dhabi. A local amusement park is home to both the tallest and the fastest roller coasters in the world, but conventional wisdom says that speed isn’t good for children’s fragile compositions.

6. The only thing to do in the UAE is shop, and malls are no fun for kids. Run-of-the-mill shark encounters can happen at local shopping malls, and what sort of child would be interested in having such a fright?

Photo: Cleopatra Dhow Cruise

Photo: Cleopatra Dhow Cruise

7. The local people have little interest in sharing their culture with tourists — especially children. Please refrain from sharing your culture with them too as this can only lead to a better understanding of one another.

kids and camel

Photo by author

8. There are far too many ways in Abu Dhabi to get out on the water. They will be spoiled for choice, and nobody likes spoiled children.

Kids on the water in abu dhabi

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9. Kids can help save endangered sea turtles in Abu Dhabi, and we all know the risk of kids having dangerous encounters with environmental responsibility.

kid and turtle

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10. Abu Dhabi is full of palaces, and a palace is positively no place for kids. What on earth can kids do there? One of the world’s few 7-star hotels, the Emirates Palace, only offers a water park, beach, football pitches, sailing, kid-friendly restaurants and a kids’ club to boot. Palaces are BOR-ING!

11. Kids can’t possibly be expected to behave in Abu Dhabi’s world-class museums, such as the Manarat Al Saadiyat, with their priceless art installations.

kids at museum Abu Dhabi

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12. Your child might learn the unlikeliest things in the middle of the desert, such as surfing. It’s important for kids to stop believing at an early age that anything is possible.

surfing in Abu Dhabi

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13. Kids do not enjoy dressing up in the local garb one bit. They feel quite constricted in such get-ups.

kids in traditional outfit

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14. The desert climate is simply too inhospitable for children. Kids will perish without water and cannot possibly find ways to cool off when the temperatures go up.

Yas WaterWorld

Photo by Yas Waterworld

15. Abu Dhabi may confirm your child’s belief in Santa but who still believes in him? The UAE does! Santa makes many stops in the Middle East, if you happen to visit at Christmastime, and he arrives by camelback of course.

16. You run the risk of coming home with some pretty dramatic family photos. No one will ever believe that you did all this and more in the Middle East anyway.

family in the desert

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