9 Reasons You Should Never Date an Israeli Guy
1. He only eats salads.
But his salad game is on point. He chops his vegetables super tiny, which somehow makes the final product taste so much better. He’s such a salad master, he even eats them for breakfast. But you don’t have to worry, his breakfasts usually feature 10 other platters for you to choose from, if breakfast greens aren’t your thing.
2. He’ll use up all your hot water.
Those years in mandatory military service also translated into an unparalleled appreciation for the luxury of having a shower whenever he feels like it. So, indulge he does, showering every morning and every night (sometimes even more). This also translates to your space. Because he was used to military rules, he always makes the bed, picks up his clothes, and keeps your apartment really tidy.
3. He’s way better with languages than you are.
He’ll put your little bit of high school Spanish to shame — because he’s at least bilingual, and probably even trilingual. Israel itself has three languages — Hebrew, English, and Arabic. All Israelis start learning English in elementary school, and being fluent was a requirement for him to graduate university. He also probably speaks a bit of Arabic (at least a few good swears), and maybe even Russian.
4. He thinks he needs two birthdays.
Because the Jewish calendar is different from the Western calendar, yeah, he gets two birthdays. And it seems like the Jewish calendar has way more celebrations than any other religion or culture. Every month, he has something to celebrate and feast over, or lament and fast about.
5. He’s way too straightforward.
Whatever your Israeli boyfriend thinks, he will tell you, especially when it comes to your relationship. You always know where you stand. There’s no game-playing, or waiting a few days to call, or holding off on the power of text. He’ll likely be the one to ask you out, to tell you that he likes you, and to tell you that he loves you. And when he tells you that you look beautiful, he means it.
This also means he’ll tell you when your carrot soup sucks and that your other dress looks better.
6. His mom is going to be higher on speed dial than you.
No matter how much you think you call or text him, don’t worry. He’s already comfortable with smothering. His mom definitely calls and texts more.[/mn_slideshow_slide]
He talks to at least a few of his family members every day, and sometimes talks to his mom twice a day. She’ll double check he’s eating a good breakfast, and that he’s dressing appropriately for the weather. There’s no bond like an Israeli mom and her son, but then again, he’s close with everyone in his family.
7. His curse words sound like spells from Harry Potter.
Half muttered, half spat out, Israelis know how to swear with a vengeance in a language that sounds completely dark side. And with meanings like “your mother’s vagina” (Arabic “kus-hemic”), maybe it’s better you can’t understand.
8. Politics are a borderline obsession with him.
He watches the news like its his job, and keeps a special eye on every single thing that goes on in Israel. For him, politics are and should be a part of every conversation, even date night and when he meets your parents for the first time. And he’s not just confined to his own country, he’s also informed and opinionated about politics in the US and Iran — and he’s not afraid to debate about them.
9. He believes he’s a doctor.
His time in the IDF prepared him for all sorts of crises, including injury. Whether you cut the tip of your finger off, or burn your whole hand in boiling water, your Israeli boyfriend knows how to fix it.
He’ll dress your wound professionally, seal it with a kiss, and remain calm the entire while.