1. For your own safety, keep away from tacos al pastor. There’s plenty of evidence they’re more addictive than cocaine and Candy Crush together.

2. Green tamales and fresh guava atole during a cold morning is a totally overrated experience… What’s hip these days is being hungry and cold.

3. They prepare salsas in a piece of volcanic stone… Can these guys be any more crazy?

4. You can’t really trust that many colors in your food, can you? Think what would your oatmeal say about that!

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5. What’s so special about pozole anyway? It’s just a soup with pre-Hispanic origins, with dozens of local adaptations, essential to all traditional parties and it’s even reclaimed Thursdays as it’s own weekly day. Just a soup… like any microwave soup.

6. They use some sort of cactus to prepare salads? C’mon… isn’t lettuce enough?

7. Blue tortillas! Artificially colored for sure… you don’t expect people to believe in “blue corn,” do you?

8. Who would ever dare to eat Day of the Dead bread? That’s just the creepiest, spongiest, fluffiest thing I’ve ever seen!

9. A juicy slice of jicama, covered in apricot sauce and sweet chili powder? So much flavor should be prohibited!

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10. Are you gonna risk messing yourself up just to try this typical food which has been being perfected for the best part of the last five centuries? Somebody should invent non-staining mole already!

11. Who needs a nice plate of spicy red chilaquiles to kick start the day? Go grab some nachos or Doritos in the convenience store… they have the same shape!

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12. A chapulines taco? No way! My happiness is based on never trying new experiences.

13. Who would actually want to eat this? It’s too damn beautiful!

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14. Quesadillas with huitla… what?

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15. A liquor of ancient gods and myths? I can only see a worm inside a bottle!

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