You Know You Are in Asheville When…
1. You see a cross-dressing nun riding a bike downtown and he’s blowing you kisses.
2. You see people wearing pajamas and tutus at the grocery store.
3. You smell patchouli and armpits.
4. Someone casually corrects your pronunciation of Moog.
5. You know the names of the chickens whose eggs you’re eating.
6. You can tell a South Ashevillian from a West Ashevillian with one glance.
7. You are so tired of hearing about Katie Button…
8. All of your friends are either servers with master’s degrees or own their own business that they opened when they got tired of being a server with a master’s degree.
9. You try to hide all the Trader Joe’s labels when your friends come over in order to try to pass your food off as purchased at a tailgate-market, co-op, or grown/shot/caught/gathered by your own hands.
10. The kids are total foodies by the age of three.
11. Mothers don’t have any idea what a breastfeeding cover is.
12. And being topless in public is completely legal.
13. You have no idea if the kid your kid is playing with is a boy or girl, and you don’t dare ask to avoid seeming gender biased.
14. You see a guy meditating on the sidewalk, in front of Verizon.
15. Your driving directions include “Pass three and a half churches and an ecovillage, then take an easy right.”
16.You can hardly keep count of all the Subarus, especially Subarus with dogs in them.
17. You pass the 23rd brewery.
18. Kombucha is the new Coke.
19. And kombucha even becomes your favorite ice cream flavor.
20. You go downtown on a Tuesday night and question if it’s actually a Friday night.
21. You send the tourists to Tupelo Honey, but you eat at Sunny Point… and then join them later in the line with everybody and their brother trying to get into the Chocolate Lounge.
22. You see bananas hanging from the utility lines instead of shoes (Keep Asheville Weird, oh yeah!).
23. Nine out of ten men have beards, tattoos, or wear kilts.
24. Every item at a potluck includes a complete ingredients list (and whether or not each ingredient is organic and/or locally grown).
25. Asking for health advice brings opinions from go see your doctor to consult your astrology calendar, and everything in between.
26. A hippie walks the crosswalk and shoots you a peace sign.
27. You are offered a toke by a complete stranger.
28. People start fearing an invasion of rednecks if Asheville gets chosen as one of the coolest towns in the US.
29. You see a bald lady walking her kitten.
30. And a pot belly pig on a leash.
31. The drums call you from Downtown every Friday night.
32. Your burrito has kale.
33. And the meat of your hamburgers comes from the happiest cows in the world.
34. You go to have a coffee in a stationary bus and think nothing of it.
35. And Hemp milk is an option for your latte.
36. You are so spoiled when it comes to amazing restaurants that you don’t know what to eat when you’re out of town.
37. You see Darth Vader holding dandelions and dancing in front of the local ice cream joint.
38. You have no doubt LOVE in all its forms is always welcomed and celebrated here.
39. And you see lots of people walking around and smiling. Because as y’all now know: Asheville is amazing, and we effing love it!!!