1. I don’t get what’s so appealing about the Puerta de Alcalá, a “door” that cannot be opened or closed. Perhaps, being from the 18th century and all, it no longer works…

2. You don’t want to go to Retiro Park, where a statue honors the fallen angel (yeah, the devil) and tourists go on pleasant boat rides… and they can fall as well!

3. Not even the great variety of street artists will make you change your mind.

4. You have to admit churros are delicious — especially with a cup of hot chocolate, — but unfortunately you have to follow a strict low-calorie diet.

5. Surely you won’t be interested in visiting Plaza Mayor, a place with as many arcades as legends and stories.

6. Nor in going to Puerta del Sol… What’s so special about a bear and a madrone tree, New Year’s Eve famous clock or the kilómetro cero, a Spanish site for many rallies and protests? Total tourist traps.

7. Careful with planning to walk by Plaza España: you could be tempted to “lose” a whole day here, in the company of Don Quixote.

8. If you wanted to see Egyptian temples, you would go to Egypt. Why, then, waste your time enjoying sunsets in the Temple of Debod?

9. Art in the subway? You don’t support this kind of “transgression” by which famous painters and graffiti artists fill the underworld with colors.

10. Why would you want to eat out in an old refurbished municipal market? Neither the variety not the superb quality of the options can convince you the experience is worth it.

11. Las Ventas is probably the most famous bullring in the world, but you are not interested in tourist clichés… Not even if amazing concerts take place there.

12. If the Capricho Park remains one of the unknown “gems” of Madrid — even to locals, — it’s probably for a good reason. Why go to a natural paradise inside the city?

13. And speaking about nature, who had the brilliant idea of “hiding” Campo del Moro gardens behind the Royal Palace? You can see only the back of the building from there… and peacocks — lot’s of those colorful chickens.

14. You had enough “royal pomposity” when visiting Buckingham Palace. Four hundred people in traditional costumes and 100 horses performing at the same time are not appealing to you.

15. Paseo del Arte is one of the places with more art per square meter in the world. It includes Del Prado Museum, Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum, Reina Sofía Art Centre and Caixa Forum. A bit over the top for you, isn’t it?

16. And you are definitely not going to get up early on a Sunday to find ancient treasures in a well-renowned flea market like El Rastro. Swimming through a sea of locals and tourists is not your idea of a good plan.

17. Why bother running or cycling along 30 kilometers of Madrid Rio, a green space by the river? It’s not like you are training for the Olympics, so what is the point of checking it out?

18. Finally, meeting local people and experiencing their traditions won’t be a highlight in your travels. Not even if you are welcomed with hospitality, wines, Cocido Madrileño, and sweets… The danger is you will be too tempted to stay, but the chulapo costumes don’t agree with you.