1. High-fiving Robot Mike on the 16th St. Mall.
The dude comes in right behind John Elway on your list of local celebs. You’ve even done a shot with him at the Paramount Café to break up the walk down to the far end of the mall.
2. Feeling way too unhip to hang out on South Broadway.
You’re not in an indie rock band and you drink drip coffee. But it’s all good because you know two of the guys in The Epilogues, so you at least have someone cool to associate with.
3. Camping out in front of Sniagrab every Labor Day weekend to score gear.
You got a sweet new Never Summer board for $100 and your bro got a complete setup of 2012 model skis for $50. Now you can actually afford those $12 slope-side beers.
4. Paying a mere $20 for the best eighth of weed you’ve ever smoked.
The best you’ve had, legally or illegally. And supporting public schools at the same time.
5. Drinking microbrew in a random tiny brewery tucked away in the back of an industrial complex, far from any real shopping center.
You’ve always thought that Imperial IPAs taste better in garages, surrounded by 20-somethings with beards thicker than your grandfather’s, while playing giant Jenga.
6. Laughing at the idiots stuck on I-25 during rush hour.
Seriously, you found an alternate route home from work years ago. No better way to tell if someone is a transplant than to watch how they behave on the I-25.
7. Going to Coors Field but not actually watching any of the game.
The Rockies are so bad that you rarely even make it to your seat in the Rockpile. Instead, you’ll be on The Rooftop drinking margaritas at the Rio and eating grass-fed beef from Chuburger. Able to say you were at the game last night is worth the inflated cost of food and beverage. Hopefully nobody asks you who won the game.
8. Having a ski pass that gets you on the lift at 15 different resorts.
There are so many ski resorts that it is impossible to pick just one, so your favorite friendly corporate ski conglomerate has taken the decision making out of the equation for you.
9. Living in a city that is growing so fast that you’re never quite sure where the trendy part of town is.
This makes it easier to feel confident in your decision to hang out at Kingas Lounge, laughing at mediocre stand up.
10. Walking around Cherry Creek North in yoga pants on your lunch hour.
Literally, there is no better way to get your mind off that depressing morning meeting. If you actually do yoga, that’s a bonus, but just being seen and doing a little window shopping is good enough.
11. Having a governor and former mayor that got his start by opening a brewpub.
Cheers to you, Hick — you are the true embodiment of a Colorado politician.
12. Free concert tickets (and amazing burritos) from Illegal Pete’s.
Ok, so technically they started in Boulder, but it feels better to claim Illegal Pete’s than Chipotle, and they have a bar. Serving local beer.
13. Running into your ex at Wash Park. Every single time.
You’ve almost gotten into so many car accidents while driving by because you couldn’t stop staring. Those volleyball parties on Saturdays are out-of-control awesome.
Take that, outsiders flying in.
15. Judging your summer by the number of Red Rocks shows you catch.
Even if you don’t like that band all that much, there is nothing better you could be doing with your night.
16. Getting down on some ‘mountain pie’ on the way home from Summit County.
It may not have the appeal of New York pizza or Chicago pizza, but Beau Jo’s does it right, especially after a long day on the slopes. You’ve always got to have that extra bottle of honey, though, because tackling that crust dry is a difficult task.
17. Trying to enjoy the food at Casa Bonita.
Better put the flag back up, because it’s sopapilla time. Blackbart’s cave awaits, just as soon as you finish this terrible plate of enchiladas.
18. Partying your ass off at Govnr’s Park every time the Broncos play.
No matter what is going on in your life, it’s time to rally on game day. Our boys need the city to be loud, drunk, and rowdy by kickoff, even if they’re playing on the other side of the country. OMAHA!