Southern California, the land of permanent sunshine and Ryan Gosling’s abs, how we SoCal girls love you. We are proud to be from the Golden State, but we’d be lying if we didn’t admit to having a few quirks. Here’s how to know you’re dating a girl from Southern California.
1. She is always cold or hot.
Southern California does not have weather in any real sense of the term and this has caused her to grow up without internal temperature regulation. If it gets above 85, she will be sweating bullets and cursing Hades. If it drops below 65, you will hear her teeth chattering a mile away. She may seem like a weather princess, but it’s not her fault she grew up in paradise.
2. Despite shivering in any weather below 65 F, she wears her Rainbow flip-flops 360 days a year (discounting the 5 days of rain we might get).
Flip-flops are the unofficial footwear of choice for Southern California. Everyone owns at least one pair and wears them almost 24/7. You see, SoCal is a chill place. We love our surf, our beaches, and our Rainbow flip-flops. Dress codes do not exist in SoCal; shorts and flip-flops will get you in almost anywhere.
3. Patagonia is the only brand she allows you to buy.
Northern California has North Face and Southern California has Patagonia. She owns every color of T-snap pullover available and automatically knows when another is released. You’re not sure if she knows someone important at the company or if she’s just a fanatic.
4. She “knows how to surf”.
And by “knows how to surf”, I mean tried to teach herself with too short a board one summer at Junior Lifeguards. She has probably wiped out more times than she has stood up, but trying hard counts, right? She has decided that this means she can teach you to surf. You will pearl dive…a lot.
5. She despises LAX with every fiber of her being.
The traffic, the congested security lines, the constantly unfinished construction — the list of things to hate about the Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) is never-ending, something she reminds you of every time you travel by air. She will regale you with horror stories about that time she was stranded in the Alaska Airlines terminal for 9 hours with only a California Pizza Kitchen that did not serve pizza or about the COPA airline attendant who decided that puta was a good alternative for “have a nice trip”.
6. New Year’s Day becomes a beach day — in fact, any day becomes a beach day.
You will be the envy of friends back home when she posts that “Happy New Year’s” selfie on the beach. Every day is a beach day in SoCal and you should rub this wonderfully warm fact squarely on the frostbitten noses of your northern relatives.
7. Breakfast burritos are worshiped.
Spicy chorizo, fluffy eggs, crispy potatoes, oozing cheese, steaming beans, and fresh salsa all wrapped up in one perfect tortilla are the way to her heart. If you bring her a post-night-out breakfast burrito from her favorite joint you will automatically be in her good books. She loves her breakfast burritos morning, noon, and night and will never, ever admit to finding a decent one outside of California. Be prepared to learn how to make them if you move out of state.
8. And don’t you dare say the fish tacos are better where you’re from — unless you’re from Mexico.
If she worships breakfast burritos, then Californian Mexican food is her overarching religion. The beautiful combination of the spices of Mexico with the fresh fish of the California coast birthed the SoCal fish taco, a mainstay at any self-respecting Southern Californian restaurant.
9. She assumes everyone knows what gracias, hola, and adios means and occasionally uses them around your non-Spanish speaking family.
California was first colonized by the Spanish and evidence of these early conquistadors is everywhere from the street names to town names (for example, San Buenaventura means Saint Good Luck). Thus, your girl has probably picked up a little Spanish whether she meant to or not, and it will creep into her vocabulary. She will also have no idea what you are talking about when you ask for the coriander — it’s cilantro to her.
10. You learn the meaning of road rage.
It is in the red glow of the taillights of the Lexus that cut you off that your calm, loving partner will morph into a raging She-Hulk capable of out-cursing Conor McGregor. The roads of SoCal are a dog-eat-dog world, and you either learn to hit the gas while flipping the bird or become a pasty hermit.
11. She loves the rain, but wouldn’t dare drive in it.
Anyone born in the 90s in Southern California did not see rain for the first five years of their lives. Because of this, we celebrate the rain as though it is a gift from the gods. However, these rain gods never bothered to teach us how to drive in it and there will inevitably be a few crushed bumpers after even the lightest of sprinkles.
12. She counts dolphins as good luck.
She grew up on the coast and the ocean is an integral part of her world. She will teach you that anytime these beautiful aquatic acrobats decide to grace your morning commute up the 101 highway you know it’s going to be a good day.
13. She shows up to Disneyland with an hourly schedule and running shoes.
You know your girl is a SoCal native when she’s dragging you by the Mickey Ears to the Space Mountain Fast Pass line at 8 am. She knows all the tricks to Disneyland, from the hidden Mickeys to the best order of Fast Pass procurement. Your feet will bleed, but after 12 hours you will be a Disneyland pro.
14. You know that, no matter how far you move, California will always be her first love.
She loves you to the moon and back, but there will always be this state of eternal sunshine in her heart. She knows how lucky she was to grow up in such a beautiful place and she will never forget her first home.