1. Climb some stairs…and have a panoramic view of one of the most beautiful cities in the world? No, thanks, too tiring. Postcards will suffice for me.

3 São Pedro de Alcântara viewpoint

All photos by the author.

22 Sunset from São Jorge Castle viewpoint

2. Enjoy some Fado? Yes, it’s on the UNESCO’s Intangible Cultural Heritage List, but it’s so sad and sentimental…I am more of a rock-and-roll kind of person.

17 Fado guitar player at Tasca do Jaime

3. I don’t see the charm in old districts where happy people just chat with each other on the streets, and hang their clothes there! Truly barbaric.

16 Alfama district

4. Forget about wandering around to find graffiti…is that even art?

11 Graffiti in Picoas district

5. Visit Belem, the monuments, the cultural center? What for? They look the same as in other countries in Europe.

28 Os Jeronimos monastery in Belém

6. Who can possibly believe that the best way to travel is to move around like a local? Trams are old, uncomfortable, and slow. Taxi!!!

13 Tram in front of the Cathedral

7. Really…it takes more than some paintings and tiles to make the metro interesting. The authorities should use their money wisely, on important things.

10 Picoas - art in the metro

23 Campo Grande metro station

8. Having delicious egg tarts, in the place where they were created, is an overrated experience.

8 Egg tart (Pasteis de Belém) from the original shop

9. Feira da Ladra? Please, take me to a real shopping mall, not a street market where only cheap and second-hand goods are sold. I don’t care if they say it is one of the most amazing street markets in the world…

14 Feria de Ladra, on a Saturday morning

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10. Visiting a cemetery to get a nice view of the 25th April Bridge? Who on Earth would enjoy that?

25 Os Prazeres cemetery

11. Ok, so you sit down and admire the river… and then what? Booooring.

18 Looking to the Tejo river

12. You really want me to try the ginjinha? It’s just some berry-infused alcohol. I’ll have a commercial beer, thanks!

5 A Ginjinha, tiny drink ginja bar

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