LAST YEAR I roadtripped around Utah for a few weeks. How can I ever bring myself to return?

You have a strong preference for confined spaces.

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You like boring backgrounds for your selfies.

There’s nothing at all appealing about the possibilities of an empty road.

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Adventure isn’t in your vocabulary.

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You’d rather not enjoy the epic views.

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It’s just one big dry desert, right?

You’ve see one canyon hike you’ve seen them all.

A photo posted by Mike Fatino (@tahoedynamike) on

You prefer to view your wildlife through a cage.

Some of the best skiing in the world isn’t good enough for you.

You’re convinced that “all sunsets are the same.”

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Everyone knows the people there just sit on their butts and watch TV.

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You don’t find pampering enjoyable.