All photos by the author.

1. Fall color is only for the East Coast.

2. Sand dunes belong at the beach.

3. Come on, the sky can’t be that blue, can it?

4. Reflections are confusing to you. How will you know which way is up?

5. You like your ruins a little less ancient…

6. …and your art a little more modern.

7. Wildflowers? Eh…aren’t they just glorified weeds?

8. Colorful Colorado? The landscape is actually quite bland.

9. It’s all just mountains and pine trees. There’s no variety.

10. You prefer to stroll along a more horizontal surface.

11. How exciting can a train ride really be?

12. Things are better below the clouds, right?

13. Snowmelt is a little too cold to bother with.

14. Rainbows and waterfalls? Meh.

15. The whole “hiking” thing? You just don’t see the point.

16. Sunbeams and lens flares will do nothing for your Instagram feed.

17. You firmly believe that alcohol tastes best indoors.