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1. Going to La Bombonera to enjoy a Boca-River match, one of the most important sporting events in the world? You can’t understand the buzz around thousands of people singing and jumping for their team, with big flags and fireworks… You better stay at the hotel and enjoy a good nap.

2. 9 de Julio, the widest avenue in the world and homeland of El Obelisco, is a nice spot in the center of the city, but how are you going to cross it? Too much trouble…

3. Buenos Aires never sleeps and there is always a place where you can have a drink and dance from… Monday to Monday?! Way too suspicious, better stay safe at the hotel while reading the newspapers from back home.

4. They told you that the porteños are extremely friendly and that seems very suspicious to you… What if you make so many friends that you want to come back over and over? Or what about if you want to stay forever? Dangerous.

5. In addition, you are worried about being invited to share un mate. You don’t trust green drinks and you don’t even understand this weird ritual of sitting down and chatting for long hours, while everyone is sucking from the same straw. It must be some kind of bizarre religious cult!

6. And what about this pizza? Doesn’t look bad at all, but to be honest, you prefer a frozen pizza from the supermarket.

7. Having un asado with the best vino in the world doesn’t sound special to you. You don’t believe that such a rustic dish can be a godly feast!

8. What about dessert? Panqueques brimming with dulce de leche? Mmm, no thanks, you would prefer something a little bit more sophisticated…

9. Where has this Evita came from? You were expecting to see some tributes to Madona’s Evita instead!

10. Street art is not a big deal for you… Real art is in the museum!

11. The Art Nouveau buildings are quite old fashion for you — you like it modern! Do they really have modern buildings? To be honest, you don’t understand why there is such a mixture of architecture styles, you prefer by far the suburban style, one house exactly like the other.

12. If you are searching for a nice environment to enjoy some books you could go to El Ateneo, which The Guardian called “the second most beautiful bookshop in the world?” Oh no, the live violin music may not allow you to concentrate on your Facebook!

13. Sitting down and having an espresso in a café porteño, one of those places where Cortázar and Borges used to go? Hmm, aren’t there any Starbucks in Buenos Aires?

14. And what will happen if you look up to the sky?

15. Dancing tango seems so difficult and, just between you and me, you think the way dancers rub their bodies is very inappropriate.

16. Puerto Madero at night? Is there anything to see there?

17. And obviously there is not one green area in the entire city…

18. And the worst of all is that just before going back home you will discover that Buenos Aires wakes up nicer and nicer every day! ¡Qué linda es Buenos Aires!