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9 Things Everyone From Denver Takes for Granted

by Tim Wenger Jun 13, 2016

1. Walking from your house to a brewery.

Peach Pale Ale. Holy creamsicles.

A photo posted by Alphawölf (@alpha.wulf) on

Some people have to drive to a brewery?

2. 15 ski areas in your backyard.

Maybe we should rephrase that. 15 Colorado ski areas. This is one of those things that Denverites just can’t help but bring up to out-of-towners, often at points in a conversation that make us seem conceited or selfish. Oh, you’re commute to work only takes 20 minutes? ‘I can be at the biking trail in 15 minutes or down to Colfax & Broadway in 20. Yeah, on Saturdays I always wake up early enough that I-70 traffic never bothers me. I get up to the Keystone parking lot with plenty of time to have a Bloody Mary and cook a breakfast burrito on my Coleman before first chair.’

3. The ability to smoke weed anywhere, anytime and have it be socially acceptable (or at least not totally frowned upon).

“Smells like Denver in here!” The ultimate defense against anyone who tries to label Colorado as part of the Midwest? Half the Midwest is suing us, bro. They’re prohibitionists who hate freedom. These days, crossing the border into a neighboring state with Colorado plates without being stopped is akin to running through a firing range and trying not to get hit. Better to just stay here.

4. That the Monforts are going to keep screwing us.

Why do people own professional baseball teams when they have no interest in saving their fans from complete embarrassment, let along trying to put together a decent team? Can’t they look at the Broncos and take a page from their playbook?

5. Having sunny weather to encourage getting outdoors for exercise.

It’s hard to ignore. The sun just seems to call us outside, giving our bikes some form of telepathy from the garage, willing us to get out and ride them every day. I’ll be the first to admit that if I don’t have a solid tan by June 1st I am upset with myself, and I spend absolutely zero time lying by the pool. If it weren’t for all that beer, I’d be looking damn good for ‘32 and balding.’

6. That rent is just going to keep going up.

Ten years ago, we could look at San Francisco and think, ‘Why the hell would anybody live there?’ Now, we’re primed for a crash course in $2000/month studio apartments.

7. But still thinking ‘At least I don’t live in Colorado Springs.’

As the almighty Jesus of Denver once said, ‘Most great cities have suburbs. The problem with Colorado Springs is they forgot to start with the great city.’ That, and Focus on the Family.

8. That no matter how many ‘No Vacancy’ bumper stickers we put on our cars, people are going to keep moving here.

I mean, I get it- the weather is amazing. The beer is delicious. The weed is legal. The powder is epic. The biking is on point. The people are nice. The atmosphere is laid back. And we have John Elway. But for Christ’s sake, I have to change my drive home from work every two months now because my secret route gets published on the internet. Coors Field is filled to the brim with opposing fans. It takes three hours to drive to Breckenridge. I hear Colorado Springs is really nice this time of year …

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