1. You see a fight break out because an ITP’er is pissed that an OTP’er thinks they’re from here.
2. People are going to Church religiously just to get drunk and sing organ karaoke.
3. There’s a fast food chain restaurant on every single street corner.
4. Someone just had a baby on the side of the road because of 2 inches of snow.
5. Two inches of snow warrants the term “catastrophic Snowpocalypse.”
6. Tyler Perry shuts down your whole street to film a movie.
7. It takes 45 minutes to drive 8 miles.
8. Your car gets a new paint job during pollen season.
9. You almost run over a trustafarian ambling across the street in Little Five.
10. You have to get to the airport at least 2 hours early for a domestic flight.
11. You can get a slice of Soul Food pizza slathered with mashed potatoes, gravy, collard greens, fried chicken, and candied sriracha bacon from Jack’s Pizza & Wings.
12. You run into Bill Murray at Disco Dance Night at the Clermont Lounge (and you get your beer can crushed in between 55-year-old Blondie’s boobs.)
13. You like it scattered, smothered, and covered.
14. Someone tells you to meet them on the corner of Peachtree and Peachtree.
15. No one you meet is actually from Atlanta.
16. You spend 20 minutes searching for a parking spot, give up, park illegally, and then later bitch about how much you hate PARKatlanta.
17. Tea is served one way and one way only: sweet and iced.
18. There’s Coca-Cola everywhere.
19. Kids think the carving on the side of Stone Mountain is really Mount Rushmore.
20. You’d rather walk than take MARTA.
21. You go to Gladys Knight’s Chicken and Waffles and leave with sticky fingers, a messy shirt, and full satisfaction.
22. Mumford & Sons gets kicked out of a strip club.
23. You avoid buying groceries at a place called “Murder Kroger.” But of course you’ll park there to see a show at the Masquerade.
24. You can buy a cereal milk flavored popsicle from a King of Pops push cart.
25. You beg someone to ride with you just so you can use the HOV lane to avoid all the traffic. (But you still sit at a stand still.)
26. You run into Andre 3000 at Chow Baby.
27. Tourists call it “Hotlanta.”
28. Locals call it “Adlanna.”
29. You call it the greatest city in the world.