It’s Not Summer in Denver Unless These 19 Things Happen

1. A heavy waft of pot greets you each time you exit the train at the 16th St. Mall.

And many other places throughout the city, but always, always, here.

2. LoDo transforms from a redeveloped hipster haven into an all-out amateur hour.

It’s like St. Paddy’s Day on repeat every weekend- some people just can’t keep it together when out on charity pub crawls.

3. ‘Fourteener’ and ‘Red Rocks’ replace ‘powder day’ and ‘first tracks’ in your vocabulary.

But the quest to accumulate as many of both as possible remains a top priority.

4. The Colorado Rockies pop the balloon on any hope for a good season by mid-June, further adopting the Cubs mantra of ‘Wait until next year.’

April was such a promising month.

5. You have at least one argument about the benefits of late spring snow and rain with a transplant who clearly has no grip on the concept of forest fires.

“I’m over this snow already! It’s supposed to be summer!”

6. There is then a massive forest fire on the news.

7. Every relative you have makes semi-serious plans to come visit.

8. You plan your outdoor activities around the daily ten-minute, mid-afternoon rainstorm.

9. You find yourself finally hanging out with that weird coworker who doesn’t ski.

He agreed to go on a hike, as long as it doesn’t take too long and won’t require an umbrella or more than one plastic bottle of water.

10. The Saturday morning drive time from Denver to Summit County drops from 3 hours to 2.25 hours.

Fortunately, though, Sunday evening’s drive back has been cut from 4 hours to 2. Unless there is an accident or excessive construction going on.

11. Your weekend calendar is busier than your weekday calendar.

A long morning bike ride is necessary to work off the beer from the street festival where you spend the afternoon getting warmed up for the concert at Red Rocks that night.

12. Suddenly, everyone you know cares about volleyball like it is their longtime passion.

Washington Park becomes the most popular spot in town. Get there early or there won’t be any space left to set up your net, bro.

13. You don’t want to have a drink unless it’s on a rooftop.

14. Or eat out unless it’s at a food truck.

15. You memorize a new route to get out of your neighborhood.

Due to all of the bike races, marathons, and fairs constantly closing the streets.

16. Your Wednesday nights are accounted for.

Denver Cruisers is a tradition that cannot be taken lightly.

17. Periodic five minute sessions of screaming, laughing, and general mayhem regularly intrude your home life.

Pedal taverns move slowly enough that you hear them coming. Then you continue to hear them coming. Then you hear them right in front of your house. Then you hear them pulling away. Then you forget about it, get in your car, and try to leave but have to wait for the opportune time to pass before you actually get anywhere.

18. Elitch Gardens lights up the night.

And makes you want to spend your time in the same place you hung out in middle school.

19. Arapahoe Basin is still open.

And there might even be some turns worth having.