1. You not only can but you enjoy surviving off of baguettes, cheese, and red wine (and you’re not an alcoholic because you know wine doesn’t really count as alcohol).
2. You’d rather die than eat or drink while walking, and you’re always one to roll your eyes at the métro lunch-muncher. Seriously, take your time to eat. There’s no rush.
3. You weirdly like the smell of cigarette smoke because it reminds you of warm afternoons at outdoor cafés.
4. You can spot Americans in France from a mile away. They’re wearing a t-shirt, and probably speaking English loudly, as if the reason they’re not being understood isn’t the language barrier but that they’ve yet to make themselves sufficiently audible. Also, they’re likely smiling. Who does that?
5. Cupcakes? Good one. You’ve tasted macarons so you know better.
6. Banter with friends usually includes some sort of jab at people who drink rosé.
7. You always dress like you’re ready for Scott Schuman to photograph you for The Sartorialist.
8. You wholeheartedly agree with the phrase: “Mélanie Laurent is a goddess.”
9. Your non-Francophile friends don’t understand why you care about dates like July 14th and 1789.
10. You ask for a pain au chocolat — not a “chocolate croissant” (even though it probably annoys your friends). Same goes with correctly pronouncing ballet terminology, the names of all those amazing philosophers, even popular restaurants like Le Pain Quotidien.
11. Not taking a two-hour lunch break is one of the seven deadly sins.
12. You know there’s nothing wrong with complimenting someone on his/her appearance. Perhaps you even indulge in a stare while walking past a particularly attractive person because you know they’ll be flattered, not creeped.
13. You often wonder why education isn’t pretty much free everywhere. So too goes for healthcare. Doesn’t it seem rather unethical that Americans are legally required to have car insurance, but not health insurance?
14. You recite the three pillars of deliciousness like a mantra: Gruyere, Camembert, Roquefort.
15. You’re personally offended by Gérard Depardieu’s France-shaming shenanigans.
16. You find yourself cursing British people without really knowing why.
17. Your idea of a perfect afternoon is relaxing in a sunny garden or café terrasse with a fantastic book and a journal for taking down some ideas.